Liverpool Girls.

 

A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.

The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take that red one."
 
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."
******
Q. What do you call a 27 year old Liverpool girl?
A. Granny.
******
Q. What do you call a Liverpool girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
*************
Q. What does a Liverpool girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.
*****************
Q. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music - who is
driving?
A. The policeman..
***************
Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
A. Father's day.
*****************
Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Liverpool ?
A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

I’m back.

From a week of work. I’ve just spent a whole week painting rooms, putting up curtain tracks, screwing towel rail holders to walls, and sundry plumbing.

I’m exhausted.

Confucious he not say.

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tyred, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night..

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

I'm away.

I'm away visiting my son.

I’m not alone

In my belief, religion, reasoning that CO2 doesn’t cause any significant warming of the planet,this man is probably going to be hounded by the high priests of climate change for his heresy.

Professor Ian Clark just does not see any evidence of oil sands contributing to global warming. That’s quite a stand to take in the face of a global environmental community that considers the development of the Canadian heavy oil industry tantamount to hastening the end of the world.

But Prof. Clark can claim to know a bit more about the science behind climate change than the average person. As a professor in the Department of Earth Sciences at the University of Ottawa, he focuses on paleoclimatology — the study of changes in climate taken on the scale of the entire history of earth — and isotope hydrology, which determines the age of ice or snow, which can help indicate climate conditions in the past.

But what  sin has he has committed? His research indicates that the Earth warms before levels of CO2 rise.

However, the rise in CO2 lags the rise in temperature by about 800 years. This shows that CO2 does not play a role in the warming, and even a reinforcing role must be minor considering the lag. When the climate starts to cool, CO2 remains high, again for hundreds of years, and so plays no role in sustaining the warm climate, as the climate cools despite the high CO2.

He’ll burn in hell if the AGWers’ get their way.

Before I die

 

Es ist kalt.

After the Fukishima disaster in Japan last march the Germans, in a fit of panic, decided to shut down their nuclear power plants. (I’m not sure why, as Tsunamis don’t usually occur in the North Sea or the Baltic).

It would seem that they were a tad premature in their course of action.

BERLIN: The cold snap gripping Europe has forced Germany, which last year decided to abandon nuclear power, to restart several reactors taken off line, the daily Handelsblatt reports in its Thursday issue.
The cold related surge in electricity demand prompted Germany's network operators to call upon nuclear power plants that had been taken off line but left in reserve as a "preventative measure", a spokeswoman for Tennet, one of the operators, told the newspaper.

You have to look for news items like this. You won’t find snippets like these in the UK media. Surprisingly this article came from The Times of India.

You what!

 

Hans, a middle-aged German tourist just over on his first visit to America, is in Orlando, Florida. He finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a fresh young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear. She gasps, looks at him in dismay, leaps off his lap and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the foreign gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams at him, "Good heavens ..no way!" and strides off in disgust.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no to anything. So the madam sends her over to Hans. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit more and she too, then sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she glares at him and screams, "No way buster", slaps him and storms off.

The madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her many years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done any bedroom work herself for a very long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. Curiosity is now eating away at her and she just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls say no and so angrily and besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson or two.

So she goes over to Hans and apologises for the failure of the previous two girls to be able to accomodate him and tells him that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits down close to him. They chat, frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap, eager to find out what deviance has spooked her previous girls. She asks him what it is he wants to do.

Hans leans forward and whispers in her ear, "I want to pay in Euros".

Green job anyone?

Remember our politicians touting that bird mincers wind turbines would enable a plentiful supply of green jobs. Well if you’ve got one, expect to have to find a new one shortly, well away from anything green.

Vestas Wind Systems, the largest manufacturer of wind turbines is now feeling the crunch in the real world of economics.

Last month, the company announced it would lay off 2,335 people and it has already slashed its 2012 earnings forecasts twice.

Then again if you were stupid enough to believe in this scam. Tough. I certainly won’t weep for those who have jumped onto the green gravy train, only to find the wheels have finally fallen off. We all have choices. Some of us see, that If it looks to good to be true, then you can bet your arse that you’re going to lose out. FE’s simple law of life.

Mind Games

2% or 98%?
This is strange...can you figure it out?
Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?
Follow the instructions!

NO PEEKING AHEAD!

* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
* There's no trick or surprise.
* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really. * Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9

If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together
Now subtract 5

Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with
(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)

Think of a country that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter of the name of that country

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter in the name of that animal

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter

 

 

 

 

 

Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?

I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.