Fancy a curry?

Natal, South Africa, has the highest quota of Indians outside of India...
Natal curry contest.

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope
for you. I was crying by the end.......

NOTE: If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of
the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in
Natal, you know how typical this is!

They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a
major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was
visiting from America.

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry
Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and so
I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by
the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all
that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during
the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chili tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more
beer when they saw the look on my face.

CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chili peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by
now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BABOOS BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen,
the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg
woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm
eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chili peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and
I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if
I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges
asked me to stop screaming. Screw them

CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of
spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to shit myself if I
fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems
inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips
anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone ice cream.

CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage
that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of
distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through
the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - NAIDOOS TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot curry?

Judge # 3 - No Report

H/T to Dave Wheeler.

This Cat needs drowning

The problem is that this cat is already drowning in government funding.

I was reading James Delingpole’s blog in the Torygraph when one supporter of the AGW scam mentioned certain reading. It was a so called environmental charity that I’d never heard of before

 CAT
Britain's major centre for environmental inspiration and courses.

Of course you get the mindless newspeak confronting you:

 

Mission Statement

CAT is concerned with the search for globally sustainable, whole and ecologically sound technologies and ways of life.

Within this search the role of CAT is to explore and demonstrate a wide range of alternatives, communicating to other people the options for them to achieve positive change in their own lives.

This communication involves:

• Inspiring - instilling the desire to change by practical example
• Informing - feeding the desire to change by providing the most appropriate information
• Enabling - providing effective and continuing support to put the change into practice.

CAT has a holistic approach to its work, integrating ideas and practice relating to land use, shelter, energy conservation and use, diet and health, waste management and recycling.

Through its resident community and work organisation, CAT is also committed to the implementation of co-operative principles and best achievable environmental practices.

As far as I’m concerned this is another fake charity trying to “nudge” us back to an agrarian society.

 

Of course these people will need to be funded and being of an enquiring mind I just sort of wandered around their site until I found this:

How is CAT funded ?

CAT receives almost no grant or government funding for its ongoing activities. It has received significant grants towards its new building, the Wales Institute for Sustainable Education, and for other projects. This capital funding is shown in the year end accounts of CAT Charity Limited, in addition to operating income.

But dig deeper and you find that they are somewhat economical with the truth in that statement.

This little part of a table in their accounts for 2009 exposes their little scam.

 

That adds up  to £1,617,256 out of their total funding of £2,124,398. Hardly what they state above in their funding statement?

This is not a charity, it’s a semi government funded Quango. I don’t object to charities, but if they can’t subsist on private charity, then they shouldn’t exist.

I also dug up that before 2006 there were only four categories of charity enshrined in law.

1. the relief of poverty,
2. the advancement of education,
3. the advancement of religion, and
4. other purposes considered beneficial to the community.

Bugger me, but how that has expanded. There are now 13. and guess what comes creeping in at number 9.

the advancement of environmental protection or improvement

How many are there of those so called charities that are only existing, by being fed from my hard one income and paid from my tax?

There is a need for a small department to be set up to strip these fake charities of their funding.

I’ll do the job for a small fee. (With bonuses of course)

it’s just climate

 

So they’re slowly capitulating.

The supposed ‘consensus’ on man-made global warming is facing an inconvenient challenge after the release of new temperature data showing the planet has not warmed for the past 15 years.

The figures suggest that we could even be heading for a mini ice age to rival the 70-year temperature drop that saw frost fairs held on the Thames in the 17th Century.

Based on readings from more than 30,000 measuring stations, the data was issued last week without fanfare by the Met Office and the University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit. It confirms that the rising trend in world temperatures ended in 1997. (My embolden)

That was kept pretty quiet. The article goes on:

According to a paper issued last week by the Met Office, there is a  92 per cent chance that both Cycle 25 and those taking place in the following decades will be as weak as, or weaker than, the ‘Dalton minimum’ of 1790 to 1830. In this period, named after the meteorologist John Dalton, average temperatures in parts of Europe fell by 2C.

However, it is also possible that the new solar energy slump could be as deep as the ‘Maunder minimum’ (after astronomer Edward Maunder), between 1645 and 1715 in the coldest part of the ‘Little Ice Age’ when, as well as the Thames frost fairs, the canals of Holland froze solid.

 

Time to buy a new coat.

Only when it rains

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

  'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'

  So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

  Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

  Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

  'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'

  Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

  'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

  Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'

  'Nope...just when it's raining.'

A prayer from the innocent

How sweet.

Bugger.

Non PC Joke

If you’ve read the warning sign at the top left side of the page and agree. Then carry on. If not, turn away now.

A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the
altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.

The pilot speaks over the intercom ... " I'm sorry it has come
to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to
jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne ".
Baggage is thrown out but still the plane's altitude continues
to decrease. Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do
this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to
start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this
Alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'"

"Africans? Are there any Africans on board?" There was no
answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on
board?"

Again silence.

" C - coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?"

Still there is silence.

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his
mother and said, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we
coloured?"

She replied, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let
them do the Muslims first. If that don't work we is Zulus"......

How dare they call me such a name!

The Guardian is running a quiz on how European you feel. Well not very, in my case.

Like 1% of respondents, you've been rated:

Euro-trash

For you it's time to re-arm and settle some old scores.

You can’t win em all.

Why don’t you give it a go.

The end is Nigh.

And no I’m not a follower of this man

More scientists are realising that the climate change bandwagon is a scam, and  jumping off before the last wheel parts company.

A candidate for public office in any contemporary democracy may have to consider what, if anything, to do about "global warming." Candidates should understand that the oft-repeated claim that nearly all scientists demand that something dramatic be done to stop global warming is not true. In fact, a large and growing number of distinguished scientists and engineers do not agree that drastic actions on global warming are needed.

And why have they not jumped off the wagon before?

Although the number of publicly dissenting scientists is growing, many young scientists furtively say that while they also have serious doubts about the global-warming message, they are afraid to speak up for fear of not being promoted—or worse. They have good reason to worry. In 2003, Dr. Chris de Freitas, the editor of the journal Climate Research, dared to publish a peer-reviewed article with the politically incorrect (but factually correct) conclusion that the recent warming is not unusual in the context of climate changes over the past thousand years. The international warming establishment quickly mounted a determined campaign to have Dr. de Freitas removed from his editorial job and fired from his university position. Fortunately, Dr. de Freitas was able to keep his university job.

The whole article is HERE

Climate change

Just seen this again so thought I’d repost it.

Why do we still fund the BBC?

Unfair