Holidays. I hate them.

Well I hate the hassle of organising them. This afternoon I would rather have been in Libya than having to negotiate the Easyjet online booking system. Now don’t get me wrong, I do hope that those in Libya get out safely. FE in his career, has been bombed, missiled, and shot at on many occasions. Not least the Spanish Navy helicopter pilot and his depth charge. But that’s another story. Oh, I forget that cruise missile incident.

Back to Easyjet:

They sucker you in by purporting to have low fares, and yes, they have to their credit. The same journey by other carriers is twice as much and their route to the destination we are going to, takes twice as long.

However to avail yourself of these cheap tickets you end up paying upfront, before being asked a plethora of information that you don’t have at your finger tips. Our party consisting of seven, living in various parts of the Kingdom of Great Britain, and Northern Ireland, does not make it easy to get the info at short notice.

And God help us if I’ve mispelled a name, or buggered up a passport number, an issue date, an expiry date, a date of birth, whether I require Halal food (OK, I made that one up).

I think I’ll stay at home.

Happy.

No I’m bloody not
What’s with all this prying into our lives? Firstly we’re going to be forced under pain of fines to fill in the most obtrusive census forming in living memory.

17. What questions will I have to answer?

We ask about work, health, national identity, citizenship, ethnic background, education, second homes, language, religion, marital status and so on. People in Wales will have an extra question about the Welsh language.

Why should I be forced to tell them whether I work or not? Are they trying to find benefit cheats.
What business is it of theirs, what my health is? That’s between me and my GP. I shall write “DEAD” on mine.
National Identity? Am I going to tell them anything other than British? Maybe they’re at long last going to track down illegal immigrants. I don’t think so.
Language? Who cares what I speak as long a the local shopkeeper can understand my request for 60 cigarettes and a bottle of grouse. (Arnott and Shenker, I hope you will read that)’
Religion. That’s easy. I’m declaring myself as a founder member of  Smokology (order of  Superkings, first class).
Marital status? None of your business.  More benefit cheat entrapment.
As for the Welsh………………. enough said.

And finally they want me to answer a survey on how happy I am according to the Beeb tonight.

What do you think I am?

Buckle up

The National Roads Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct installation is illustrated below.......

Love lost in the Computer age.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a
distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend. In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed, Desperate
...................................................
Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as
designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Dedicated to Lizi, Kat, & Chris.

Hospital food.

 

A Blogger spent time in the NHS for a debilitating bone disease and found Hospital food, as you would never like to have to eat.

Traction man on channel 4.

Here’s his Site. Just read through it to be appalled.

When will he admit defeat?

The map below purports to show who controls the various areas of Libya. I don’t know how true it is, but I would suggest El Presidente gets the hell out of Dodge, if he wishes to stay alive.

 

H/T to the captain for this.

That man in Libya.

Well everyone else has posted it.

Bahrain Grand Prix

Sod you, Angry Exile. That’s another ruined keyboard.

Don’t eat or drink anything. It’ll kill you.

What is it with these so called health experts? Why can’t they leave us alone?

So how much red meat CAN we eat?

Latest warning suggests too much will cause cancer.

Adults will be advised to eat no more than 500g a week –the equivalent of just three rashers of bacon a day. And.

A group of leading doctors will today brand ministers’ strategy for tackling Britain’s booze culture ‘inconsequential’ and blame ministers for being ‘too close’ to the drinks industry.

And even more doom mongering.

But the bitter truth is that a small bottle of flavoured water can contain as much sugar as a plate of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

The most popular brand, Volvic’s Touch of Fruit in lemon and lime, has 27.5g of sugar in its standard 500ml bottle – equivalent to almost seven teaspoons.

What'’s more, the articles were all in the same paper. Can’t we have a bit less of  the “We’re all going to die”, for a change?

I wonder if I can retreat behind a paywall?

Sunday singing.

H/T to Sister Eva Longoria at the raccoon’s place.

Just click on the link in the frame.