Tuesday night Poetry

Not really my thing but I thought I’d bore you with some anyway. After all, we do need some culture in the Blogosphere.

 

FEMALE POEM
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows how to answer "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns an Off License and a speed boat. I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

*claps*

Climategate and the cover ups.

Andrew Montford has just published his report over the three enquiries into the conduct of business at the University of East Anglia.

Here is a brief summary of his conclusions.

These enquiries were hurried.

The terms of reference were unclear.

Insufficient care was taken with the choice of panel members to ensure balance and independence.

Insufficient care was taken to ensure the process was independent of those being investigated, eg the Royal Society allowed CRU to suggest the papers it should read.

Sir Muir Russell failed to attend the session with the CRU’s Director Professor Jones and only four of fourteen  members of the Science and Technology Select Committee attended the crucial final meeting to sign off their report.

Record keeping was poor.

His report in full is HERE

H/T to the Englishman

U turn. 20 yards ahead

Remember the article yesterday about the council that was going to refer a family to social services for a vicious crime against their seven year old daughter. The crime being, that they allowed her to walk 20 yards to school on her own. And, shock, horror, cross a road alone.

It is a 45-yard walk from school bus stop to front door and seven-year-old Isabelle McCullough’s parents were confident she could handle it alone.

Their home is in a quiet village and Isabelle had already been making the journey across the small 30mph road for the last year.

Unfortunately council officials disagree – and have warned the parents they face being referred to social workers if they do not escort their daughter to and from the school bus every day.

Well it would appear that the council are carrying out a screeching U turn.

Lincolnshire County Council has decided to take no further action over a father allowing his seven-year-old daughter to walk alone to a bus stop.

Of course we have the usual weasel words that it was only for the sake of the children.

Debbie Barnes, assistant director of Lincolnshire County Council's Children's Services, said: "The safety of children is the responsibility of everyone and where a member of staff brings a situation to our attention where the safety of a child or adult is compromised, we must react.

Here’s where it gets interesting though.

"NSPCC guidance states that children under eight should not be out alone; in this instance, a seven-year-old girl has been standing unaccompanied on a roadside and left to cross the road by herself."

What has any guidance from any non governmental body such as the NSPCC in this case, got to do with social services? And where do they get this figure of eight from? My children were quite happily walking a similar distance to school below that arbitrary figure. (I’ve Just walked it).

Of course the law of unintended consequences comes in.

From the Mum

"This has got so much public attention that we will have to be outside with her for the foreseeable future because now everyone knows there is a seven-year-old standing on the side of the road every morning.”

Nanny state at it’s best. Debbie Barnes. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

Strike

I see that there has been loads of sabre rattling at the TUC today. Strike Brothers, strike.

Well this blogger has seen it all before in the 1970’s, and remembers it well.

Remember the rubbish piling up in the streets? Well yes, but in fact most sensible people double bagged their rubbish, and left it in neat piles on the pavement.

Firemen’s strike? The armed  forces did a very creditable job with their ancient green goddesses.

Bodies piling up? Well yes, but in temporary mortuaries.

In fact we lived through those strikes with very little real hardship, mainly just a slight inconvenience.

The TUC would have us think that strike action would win this time. Well comrades you must have forgotten the lessons learned. Not only did new legislation,resulting from those strikes emasculate the unions, it kept the labour party out of power until we had the con-trick of New Labour in 1997.

Now that union membership has fallen by 50% since those days, you may, Comrade Crow, and you other Union oligarchs, find that you are fighting a battle that you can’t win.

So I’m laying down the gauntlet. Strike and be damned forever. And of course you’ll take the Labour party with you to the Ninth circle in hell.

Shocking story

 

A girl aged two escaped death after she touched live wires dangling from an untended electricity box.

Tassya-Leigh Greener received burns to her thumb and fingers after the shock travelled along her arms but missed her heart.

The youngster had strayed into a derelict garden next to her sister’s home in Middlesbrough.

Her mother Sindy, 43, is now demanding answers from the firm that owns the unoccupied house.

'I am still in shock about the whole thing. So many children play round there. It could have happened to any child.' she stated.
'I nearly lost my daughter because they didn’t bother to disconnect the electricity or even cover the box. It’s terrible.

'I went outside and Tassya-Leigh was lying on the ground.
'She had been knocked about three feet back. We were all just in shock.

‘The doctors can’t believe it didn’t kill her,’ she added.

Just a couple of questions.

Why wasn’t the garden fenced properly, seeing that you had a two year old? If not, why weren’t you supervising said two year old?

Who the fuck, calls their child Tassya–Leigh?

Guess Who?

Saturday Trivia.

 Edward "Ed" Mezvinsky, born January 17, 1937, is a former congressman. A Democrat, he represented Iowa 's 1st congressional district in the United States House of Representatives for two terms, from 1973 to 1977.

In March 2001, Mezvinsky was indicted and later pleaded guilty to 31 of 69 charges of bank fraud, mail fraud, and wire fraud. Nearly $10 million was involved in the crimes. Shortly after his indictment, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but the judge at his trial disallowed a mental illness defense. After serving five years in federal prison, he was released in April 2008. He is expected to remain on federal probation until 2011, and owes substantial restitution to his victims.

Who, exactly is "Ed" Mezvinsky? He's Chelsea Clinton's new father-in-law.

Nary a mention of this in any of the media. If the man was a Republican, the news would have replaced the oil spill.

Mmmm

Have they something to hide?

Just watch the vid.

You tell me.

Personally I would hound all 650 out of parliament. After all, most of the statutes originate from the EU now.

H/t to Old Holborn

Because I’m a man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic foodstuffs at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole programme looking for it.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

Accepted uses of the F word

There are only ten times in history when the F-word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

1. "What the f*ck do you mean, we are Sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912.

2. "What the f*ck was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945.

3. "Where did all those f*cking Indians come from?"
-- Gen. Armstrong Custer, 1877.

4. "Any f*cking idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938.

5. "It does so f*cking look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926.

6. "How the f*ck did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 B.C.

7. "You want WHAT on the f*cking ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566.

8. "Where the f*ck am I?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937.

9. "Scattered f*cking showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 B.C.

10. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f*cking mad."
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003.

H/T to anything

Click 1…….

A London primary school has become the first to outsource maths teaching to India.

Pupils at Ashmount Primary in Islington who have fallen behind are given one-to-one tuition over the internet.

Pupils are given a headset and log on to a website where they interact with their tutor 4,000 miles away in India. The service, used by
11-year-olds, costs £12 an hour, compared with the £40 an hour a private tutor would cost in London.

I can just imagine.

Page loads

Followed by:

Page 1 for Algebra, Page 2 for Geometry, Page 3 for Arithmetic, Page 4 to text a maths adviser.

*Clicks on page 1*

Cue Message

Our staff are all busy at the moment, please hold on, we will connect you as soon as a Teacher becomes available.

Cue Lift music.

*Sound of keyboard being hurled across the room*