Taking the cat to the vet

Yearly booster time for the furry killing machine that I call a cat.

Joy. So.

• Find the cat.
• Find the catbox.
• Find the cat again.
• Introduce cat to catbox.
• Cat goes in the cat box quietly (this should have been a warning to me)
• Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
• Shut door.
• Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
• Cat mieows.
• Select reverse.
• Cat explodes from catbox like that thing from Alien.
• Cat runs around car shedding fur.
• Open door.
• Cat escapes.
• Go into house and find parcel tape.
• Tape box up securely.
• Find the cat again.
• Catch cat.
• Introduce cat to catbox.
• Cat goes in the cat box with a hell of a struggle.
• Tape up wounds in hands.
• Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
• Shut door.
• Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine is still running).
• Select reverse and get the car off the drive.
• Cat rips through parcel tape like the hulk, scaring the crap out off me.
• Car runs around the car in a panic drooling and shedding fur.
• Open door.
• Cat escapes. Again.
• Go into house and find elephant tape. (I’ve used this stuff to stop kayaks leaking on white water)
• Tape box up securely. Then use more tape.
• Then think "sod it" and use the whole roll.
• Find cat again.
• Tempt cat using favorite treats.
• Pretty much have to saw the cats legs off in an attempt to get him into the accursed box.
• Take off gardening gloves (learning from my mistakes)
• Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
• Shut door.
• Run around to drivers side, jump in (engine has now burnt half a tank of fuel).
• Get the car turned around.
• Cat still in box, meiowing pathetically.
• Comfort cat while driving.
• Get halfway to vet.
• Pointy eared escape artist does it again. This time at 40mph.
• Cat runs around the car in a blind panic drooling and shedding fur.
• Avoid crashing the car by about 3mm. This is not good.
• Options. Stop, open door to get out and lose cat.
• Or, keep driving and risk cat scratching eyes out.
• Elect to take the eye scratching option. Glasses should prevent serious injury.
• Cat runs around car shedding unbelieveable amounts of fur.
• People giving me really funny looks.
• Furry Fangio ends up sitting on my lap with two paws on the steering wheel looking out of the front window.
• I’d have taken pictures, but I was rather busy at the time.
• People now giving me *really* funny looks.
• 5 minutes pass.
• Get to the vet.
• Park the car.
• Somehow get the car back into the box.
• Get into vets rather harassed.
• Nice vet takes 2 minutes to check and inject the cat.
• She then spends 5 minutes helping me reinforce the cat box to get home again.
• Takes 2 of us to get the cat back in the box.
• Get the bill.
• Stop laughing and ask for the real bill.
• Get the same bill.
• Pick myself up from the floor.
• Pay a ton of cash for the privilege of the cat being injected. Return to car.
• Open door and place catbox in passenger footwell.
• Shut door.
• Run around to drivers side, jump in and start engine.
• Cat is silent.
• Think uh-oh.
• Leave vet.
• Cat is silent.
• Get halfway home.
• Cat is silent.
• Worry that cat is dead.
• Get home safely.
• Cat is silent.
• Now really worried. Has cat escaped silently? Is cat plotting revenge?
• Get catbox out of car.
• Open cat box.
• Cat saunters out, give me a "What?" look and wanders off.
• I stand there like a gibbering idiot.
• Cat lies in sun.
• Open beer.
• Drink.
• Open second beer.
• Get vacuum cleaner out.
• Open third beer.
• Clean cat hair out of car……

He’s now next to me on the sofa with his feet in the air snoring contentedly.

As much as I love him, sometimes I wish he was a goldfish.