FIFTY SHADES OF ................

You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.

Finally, I drifted off to sleep.

Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.

My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you.

Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you........

  F...ing mosquito!

And you thought this was going to be smutty did you?

Fifty Shades of Grey (hair)

More poetry for you to muse on.

My missus bought a paperback

In Asda…… Saturday,

I had a look inside the bag

T’was "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Well I just left her to it, see,

And went off up to bed

An hour later, she appeared

Oh the sight filled me with dread!

In her hand she held a rope

The other, held a whip!

She brandished them around a bit

And then began to strip….

Well forty years or so, ago,

I might have had a peek

But Doris hasn’t weathered well

She’s sixty-eight next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind

Couldn’t be much grimmer…

And things progressed from bad to worse

She toppled off her Zimmer !

She struggled back up to her feet,

A good half hour later,

Put her teeth back in and said

That I must dominate her !!!

Now if you knew our Doris, see,

You’d know just why I cringed.

I’d been two months in traction, cos

My hips and knees unhinged.

She stood there nude. All naked, like,

Bent forward quite a bit…. and

Jumping back in fright I went

And stood on her left tit.

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,

My word. What HAD I done ?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out

"Step on the OTHER one !!!"

Well reader, I can tell no more

About what occurred that day.

Suffice to say, my dark brown hair,

Turned fifty shades of grey.

Black and blue, battered too,

With wanton, wild perversion,

We decided that a night of sin

Was scarce worth such exertion

Thank Heavens she has binned the book

And peace reigns, like before.

She’s head to toe in winceyette

And back to back, we snore………...