There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say.
"I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
"But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
Sounds as bad as my day.
ReplyDeleteI was walking home past the local asylum and heard chatting from over the fence...13..13..13..13....13...13.13...
Intrigued, I had a peek through a hole in the fence and some twat poked a stick in my eye nearly blinding me.
As I staggered up the street all I could hear was.................................................14..14..14..14..14..14...
Well both those cheered me up. Thanks guys.
ReplyDeleteI should have said 'chanting' not 'chatting' ;)
ReplyDeleteYour biker could be the same one who swaggered into a transport cafe with his mates and spotted a thin, middle-aged, man sat eating a full English. Walking over to him, he picked up the man's mug and drank some tea before spitting into the mug. The man did nothing. The biker then picked up a piece of fried bread, dipped it into the egg and ate it, then spat in the egg. The man did nothing. The biker then picked up a sausage and ate half of it before spreading it over the man's thinning pate. The man got up, went to the counter and paid for his meal before leaving the cafe. The biker looked around and said, "He wasn't much a man was he?" I looked out of the window and said, "He's not much a driver either. He's just driven a petrol tanker over a row of motorcycles!"
ReplyDeletePenseivat
We need a little humour in this grey world.
ReplyDeleteThose bike jokes date back to the seventies when " bikers" were more bus ticket toughies than motorcyclists, they had the gear and the attitude but not the bikes, the patch clubs were the same, nowadays " bikers " has a rather different meaning.
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