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Tuesday, 6 November 2012

My Mum

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I’ve just finished cleaning.'

2 My mother taught me RELIGION .
'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7 My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
'You'll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER ..
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
'If I’ve told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do..'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
to get stuck that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP .
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR .
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me..'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a tent?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favourite:
My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out
just like you '


  1. And one day the FE locked his own mother out of her house!
    True dat.

  2. My mother, on complaining how she had been working hard all day said 'I haven't sat down since I got up'

  3. My Mother's favourite.

    You are not going out to play until you learn to come in on time.(the catch 22)

    She taught me the secret to hair growth....Eat your crusts, it`ll put hairs on your chest

  4. but i am right again arnt i love u to bits xx

  5. I am afraid I had to nick that and post it on shitbook!


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