There’s a story doing the rounds today about how the MOD has “lost” £6.3 billion in assets. Let me tell you. They are unlikely to find them. The reason being that the twats in the civil service can’t even put a readily recognisable name to much of the stuff.
The humble round rubbery think that most of as would know as an ‘O’ ring for the sake of clarity is called ‘Ring Sealing Toroidal’.
A hose clip or “jubilee clip”, as it is usually known, is “Clamp, hose, wormdrive”
An electrical plastic tie wrap thingy is given the grand name of ‘Strap line Supporting’.
You want a 16mm nut to fit a 16mm bolt? Then look at ‘Nut, Machine’. Mind you that is also the name for every other size of nut as well. May take you some time.
Ever tried your hand at plumbing in the MOD? Just try and find an ‘Olive’ for a compression fitting.(That is the normal description used by plumbers world wide). Found one yet? Me neither. I spent 43 years of my time looking and I still never found what the cretins called them.
Then there is the packaging. Everything received by the MOD is removed from the perfectly able manufacturers packaging and guess what? Repackaged. Take one 13 amp household fuse. First it is wrapped in tissue. Next it is sealed into a plastic bag. After that there is a wrapping of oily green plastic. Place oily green packaging in corrugated cardboard and seal the whole caboodle in a cardboard box. Finally give it a silly name and a nine digit number. Oh and make sure you obliterate the manufacturers part number while you are about it.
I made the stupid mistake of ordering 200 of the above. I ended up with a mountain of packaging and a small mole hill of fuses.
Don’t get me started on the MOD transport system. I once ordered a complete Reverse Osmosis Plant to be fitted to a ship in refit in Falmouth. After waiting for delivery for days and trying to placate some very angry contractors I eventually tracked the equipment to Faslane nuclear submarine base. And it was only coming from the Depot in Plymouth.