You have mail

Alternative Uses For Junk Mail

• Flyers and leaflets can be used as an endless source of cheap bookmarks.

• Some junk mail envelopes are blank and can easily be reused.

• Large flyers and catalogues can make good fire-lighters.

Alternative Uses for Unwanted Magazines

• Read at least one issue of the offending magazine. If you like what you see (you never know), there should be no further problem.

• If someone in the house already has a subscription to the magazine and you now get two of each issue, put one in the bathroom or toilet. It provides good reading material, or at least might come in handy during toilet paper shortages.

• Move house. They can't find you if you change your address. Note that this is a rather silly option, as it would be much cheaper just to unsubscribe from the magazine.

• If you have a friend that you suspect might enjoy reading about motor sports, or cactus gardens, or whatever other completely arbitrary thing the magazine happens to be about, simply give them the magazines.

• Many magazines are printed on recycled paper. If your much-despised publication happens to be one of these, then it may be a good idea to think about using them for something like the lining on the floor of a birdcage, or as a place for a small dog to urinate. Alternatively, recycled paper is also good for papier maché (provided the dog doesn't get to it first).

• There is a chance, however small, that your magazine is prestigious enough to be collectable (See Note 1). Just find a large box, put all of your magazines in it until the subscription runs out, and then stuff it up inside your attic and try not to forget about them (See Note 2).

If all this doesn't work, just give up. Some people out there might contemplate taking the effort to throw their unwanted magazines in the bin or recycle them, but that's far too much effort.

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1. In other words, some weirdo will probably buy them off you later if you take good care of them.
1. On second thought, forgetting them might not be the worst thing that could happen.