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Sunday, 26 September 2010

Bill Stickers Will Be Prosecuted

Just defending Bill who had to flee the UK.

A failed attempt to keep Bill Posters at bay.

The scene is quite familiar. A small, non-franchised shop on the high street that was there yesterday suddenly ceases to exist. Any clues as to its previous use are quickly removed, and old, yellowed pages of newspaper spontaneously appear in the window, blocking any view of the interior. You look upwards to see that an 'A1/A3 business to let/buy' sign now juts out from the first floor of the building, but this does little to explain what suddenly seems like the end of an era. Legend has it that this 'A1/A3 business' business is to do with the property's licenses but, since you're not au fait with such things, it doesn't really help. Most people would give up and walk away at this point, but you decide to take a closer look and are rewarded with the cryptic message:

Bill Stickers Will Be Prosecuted.

Has the shop's owner done something particularly dastardly? When will the court hearing be? Did he actually look like a Bill in the first place? Further inspection reveals that someone has scrawled 'Bill Stickers is innocent' underneath. You are intrigued, and head off to tell your friends about it – maybe you can start a campaign to save the poor fellow. Unfortunately, they all laugh at you, and you spend the next fortnight answering enquiries as to the welfare of 'your mate Bill'.

Having endured for more than a century, this sort of confusion was thankfully ended by a move towards using the phrase 'Stick No Bills', though gullible individuals may as a result wonder why anyone would want to attach grown men to a shop window. Alternatives such as 'Post No Bills' may prove even more confusing, and it is likely that an ideal solution to the matter is still a long way off.


  1. Reminds me of graffiti seen in Northern Ireland way back. Written on the wall of a petrol station....

    Free Bobby Sands

    Under which someone had added....

    With every four gallons

  2. I didn't 'have' to go. I wanted to. Besides, everyone knows 'Bill Stickers is innocent'.

    Or not so innocent as he'd like to feel. The world besmirched my soul.

  3. Twas ever thus with regard to that well known, London Underground-travelling Jazz musician .. "Nosmo" King ...

  4. I must admit I find the comments on my posts far more amusing than the drivel I write.


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