The Doggie diet

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog food at a well known supermarket for my dogs Shadow and Lady.

I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think, that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that No, I didn't have a dog - that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.
On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, She asked : "Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned you?"

I said: No not at all; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my ass and a car hit me.

The guy behind her was laughing so hard, I thought he was going to have a heart attack!

The well known supermarket won't let me shop there anymore.