Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

Before you get comfortable let me warn me that this post has an X rating. Filled with pain, torture, cruelty, and bad language.

Turn away now.

I went to Vlad the impaler  the dentist yesterday.

Now my teeth have deteriorated over the years through all the bad habits of  eating too much sugary food, smoking drinking, and general other vices( Use your imagination here. Or maybe not).

I’d decided that my upper teeth were going to have a complete makeover and it was decided that a complete refurbishment was in order. Therefore some months ago Josef Mengele the dentist removed all those ailing gnashers and fitted me with a temporary denture. That was bad enough, in that I could only eat soup for a week until the pain from the removal settled down.

Not boring you I hope.

Any way whether you like it or not I shall continue.

yesterday was the  was the day for implants to be fitted into my upper jaw, to allow for a fixed plate. Now I should really have done a bit of research into the procedure. Stupidly I didn’t. If I had I’d probably have caught the first flight out of the country.

Three hours I was laid out on the rack the chair, FFS.

After at least enough anaesthetic to kill a couple of horses, which should of set alarm bells ringing, the work begun.

1. Cut open the upper gum. Bloody hell it took forever. Apparently I had the toughest gums known to man according to the sadist my dentist. (doesn’t do much for his original diagnoses that I suffered from sever gum disease, does it?).

2. Enough X rays were then taken to make me glow in the dark and set off airport scanners, most like.

3. The drill, the drill. Ok that wasn’t too bad.  Four holes in all.

4.  Another gallon or two of anaesthetic as the first lot was wearing off.

5.  Next was the inserting of the implants. These were of the self tapping variety inserted with a ratchet spanner until they were tight.

6. Now I’ve been a marine engineer for many a year and have cheated at times when the screw needs a helping hand ie with a hammer. Not approved engineering practise needless to say. I think he must have had a inferior apprenticeship to me, as he loved his hammer. Have you ever had your jaw bone hit with a hammer? It feels as if someone has rung the great peels of the bells of Westminster Abbey, in your head.

7. It’s over. No it’s not. The Executioner  decides  TFE would be advised to have one more implant (bastard). So it begins again.

8. As I posted in para 1, about cutting open my gums with a shovel (at least that’s what it felt like), of course now he has to rectify his butchery finely crafted work. Stitches had to undertaken. Though I would have preferred he used a needle rather than a crochet hook.

9. Done. Well not quite. I was ambushed on exit by the prison wardress receptionist in order to that I pay for the privilege of being tortured to within an inch of my life. Not cheap I can tell you.

Now comes for the crunch. There are rules to be observed for the next week.

No hot drinks.

No smoking.

No alcohol.

Wash my mouth out with salt water. (No, not soap and water)

A soft diet. (Whatever that means?)

Needless to say I have ignored every one of those above. After 3 hours of leaving Gitmo the surgery, my upper jaw felt as if it had been attacked by a team of Irish navvies on piece work. To cap it all, this morning I woke up to find my pillows covered in enough blood to make an axe murderer proud.

Oh and I’m back on a diet of soup. And enough pills to kill one of those horses mentioned above.

Don’t forget to book your dentist appointment on a regular basis. Best you read this on a regular basis just to make sure.

Cameron IS Labour Lite.

FFS.

BRITISH Prime Minister David Cameron has praised his Australian counterpart Julia Gillard's carbon plan as bold and ambitious.

The Conservative Party leader's endorsement of the Australian prime minister's plan to impose a carbon tax undercuts a campaign against the scheme by his conservative ally, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott, Fairfax reports.

I really don’t think that I can take much more of this idiot we have for a Prime Minister. Sooner we have the next election the better. I think I need strong drink.

H/T tp Lawson Narse

Philosophy v Science. Is there a God?

"Let me explain the problem science has with religion."

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'
'Yes sir,' the student says.
'So you believe in God?'
'Absolutely '
'Is God good?'
'Sure! God's good.'
'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
'Yes'
'Are you good or evil?'
'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly.

'Aha! The Bible! He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'
'Yes sir, I would.'
'So you're good...!'
'I wouldn't say that.'
'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'
The student does not answer, so the professor continues.

'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er..yes,' the student says.
'Is Satan good?'
The student doesn't hesitate on this one.. 'No.'
'Then where does Satan come from?'
The student falters. 'From God'
'That's right.. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'
'Yes'
'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'
Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet.

'Yes.'
'So who created them ?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.

'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,'   he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing.

'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'
'No sir. I've never seen Him.'
'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'
'No, sir, I have not..'
'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'
'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'
'Yet you still believe in him?'
'Yes'
'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist... What do you say to that, son?'
'Nothing,' the student replies.. 'I only have my faith.'
'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat? '
' Yes.
'And is there such a thing as cold?'
'Yes, son, there's cold too.'
'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit down to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy.. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'
'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'
'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester.

'So what point are you making, young man?'
'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time.

'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.' 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it..' 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'
'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'
'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar.

The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?

' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so.. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.' 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers.

'I Guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?' Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it Everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in The multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God.. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

 
The professor sat down.

Who was the last student?

The Answer

Sir Winston Churchill; (The River War, first edition, Vol. II, pages 248-50 London )

Who said this?

"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries, improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement, the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property, either as a child, a wife, or a concubine, must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities, but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science, the science against which it had vainly struggled, the civilization of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilization of ancient Rome."

And when?

Latest from NASA on “Climate change”.

NASA may have stopped throwing big flaming things into the sky, but still does some very useful work if, this is anything to go by,

New NASA Data Blow Gaping Hole In Global Warming Alarmism

NASA satellite data from the years 2000 through 2011 show the Earth's atmosphere is allowing far more heat to be released into space than alarmist computer models have predicted, reports a new study in the peer-reviewed science journal Remote Sensing. The study indicates far less future global warming will occur than United Nations computer models have predicted, and supports prior studies indicating increases in atmospheric carbon dioxide trap far less heat than alarmists have claimed.

And

Study co-author Dr. Roy Spencer, a principal research scientist at the University of Alabama in Huntsville and U.S. Science Team Leader for the Advanced Microwave Scanning Radiometer flying on NASA's Aqua satellite, reports that real-world data from NASA's Terra satellite contradict multiple assumptions fed into alarmist computer models.

Summed up here.

When objective NASA satellite data, reported in a peer-reviewed scientific journal, show a "huge discrepancy" between alarmist climate models and real-world facts, climate scientists, the media and our elected officials would be wise to take notice. Whether or not they do so will tell us a great deal about how honest the purveyors of global warming alarmism truly are.

 

Now what will DECC and that Buffoon Huhne, have to say now I wonder? The wheels are fast coming off the wagon.

Religion of Peace?

I think not. Just watch the video below. Truly horrifying the way this teacher rewards his pupils for studying the Quran.

 

Thanks to Max Farquar for the posting of this vid which I’ve nicked from him.

Truly Appalling. Further words fail me.

Racism knows no borders.

The Angry Exile is not going to like this.

Andrew Marantz, a freelance American writer, spent three weeks in an Indian call centre earlier this year, where he discovered that attitudes towards Australians were particularly harsh.

During his training, a senior employee named Lekha, told staff joining the company that Australia was populated by dimwits.

"Just stating facts, guys," Lekha said, "Australia is known as the dumbest continent. Literally, college was unknown there until recently. So speak slowly."

Mind you it maybe the case of pots and kettles.

When asked about other famous Australian traits he had one answer: racism.

"They are quite racist. They do not like Indians," he told the class.

"Their preferred term for us is please don't mind, ladies 'brown bastards.'

So if you hear that kind of language, you can just hang up the call."

Then he goes too far, by a mile. Surely the next cannot be true, can it?

Lekha went on to explain that Australians were "backward", with many owning outdated mobile phones.

He also cautioned new workers not to bother ringing Australia on a Friday night, because of the nation's love affair with alcohol.

"Australians drink constantly," he said. "If you call on a Friday night, they'll be smashed every time."

Aussies drink? Nah

Computer poetry

A computer was something on TV
From a science-fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A programme was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch Floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the rubbish
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead

The generation game

- People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation..
- People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.
- People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X.
- And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?

Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?