Mown down.

Or rather worn down.

As the spring is nearly here I debated with myself whether to have the garden mower serviced and various faults fixed. (Engine that has a mind of it’s own, failing clutch, blade that is seriously knackered, fuel leak, and grass box that has seen better days).

Having rung around a received a couple of quotes I decided that the old girl had had it’s day and it was time to obtain a new one.

The new mower was delivered at O’crack sparrowfart (Nautical term) in a large cardboard box on Thursday morning and placed temporarily beside the house. Of course I couldn’t leave it there in the rain so I dragged, and I dragged, and I dragged it until it was safely on the patio. (think I might have a hernia now) I then covered it and waited for the rain to stop.

Yesterday was that day. Shouldn’t take long to assemble it, should it? After hacking the box apart with a steak knife (Useful saw tooth edge) the machine was exposed in all it’s unassembled glory. Apart from the main machine, there were the following.

Enclosed in a plastic bag was a spark plug spanner, a round bit of metal with a flat end (I’ve no idea what that’s for), An engine manual, and most importantly. the assembly pamphlet.

This is where it became a nightmare. I’m used to flat pack furniture instructions, which to me are dire at the best of times. However the assembly instructions for the mower make dire sound positively ebullient.

The written part seemed to be composed by someone not of this world. Why refer me to “diagram 19”, when it doesn't exist? What’s more the assembly drawings seemed to have been produced by a 2 year old using a 30 year old photocopier.

Every time that I thought I’d got one step right, I had to redo it when I tried the next step. Now I’m not trying to assemble the engine here, I’m just trying to get the handle, cables, and the grass box sorted. What should have taken fifteen minutes took and hour and fifteen.

Why is it that the people who are tasked with writing this garbage not take a pride in their work and do it properly? Is that not too much to ask.

Of course I’ve got the professionally produced engine manual if I need it. It’s even written in eleven languages. Pity there isn’t a section in English.

Anyone out there who can teach me Polish?

Mothers’ day

Just saying.

Virus

I don’t think that the owner has really read the handbook.

Pony steak anyone?

My poor little pony.

Rejection

I’d give him a job.

There are two sides to the story on Climate Change.

On one side we have Slate with an infographic with the caption :

 

”How to Win Any Climate Change Argument
A flow chart for debating with denialists”

 

On the other we have a really delicious fisking of the graphic from Wendy McElroy:

“How to Lose a Climate Change Argument”

Her starting comment before she shreds the graphic:

“All I can say is, I pity the fool that tries to use that flowchart on me. Below the break, if this subject doesn't bore you to tears by now, is my fisking of their arguments.

The arguments seem to progress from right to left, so I'll address them in that order.”

Truly delightful.

Good excuse.

 

Seen in a street nowhere near me.

Ban it, Ban it.

 

Barking

Alcohol Concern.

Are we going to see the demise of this self righteous, bunch of Nu Puritans in the near future?

Cameron's minimum alcohol price plans to outlaw cheap drinks are 'dead in the water'

• A minister said rise would be 'inconceivable' when cost of living will be issue at next election

I’m hoping that this will happen now that they are not significantly sucking from the Government teat this year.

I notice that their accounts aren’t published for the financial year 2011 – 2012, but here is part of the Chairman’s address in the financial report 2010 – 2011

Sorry for the poor clarity, but their PDF for some reason disallowed me from cut and paste.

I must admit I do find that their chairman has quite a history for jumping on every bandwagon available. Could he not just work at one job and do it well. The rest of us strive to obtain that goal.

Hopefully these nannying fussbuckets are nearing the time that they’ll have to get out into the real world and see what the rest of us are having to deal with.

ASH. You’re next.

The British Energy Challenge

It seems that The Department of Energy and Climate Change (DECC) are a bit miffed that their message about AGW is not getting across to us plebs. Or if it is, and we’re just ignoring it for the fuckwittery that it is.

So they’ve decided that they need a bit of outside help to cajole the general public to accept their idiocy.

The Department of Energy and Climate Change (“the Department”) is inviting tenders for the development of a public engagement plan to generate greater popular acceptance of the need to move to a low-carbon energy system, preparing the public for the scale of the investment and change required in the UK’s energy system – The British Energy Challenge.

Alright it’s only a three month contrick contract paying £20,000, but it’s money that shouldn’t be frittered away.

When the whole global warming debacle is finally exposed in the public eye to be the hoax that it is. I would hope that they will be forced to keep the name DECC just to remind us what Tossers they are.