A few simple facts

 

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary).

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweatshops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers the little bastards deserved it!

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

The local deli ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather, fortunately, my elderly neighbour Doreen has plenty stacked up on her doorstep.

A man bought a waterbed but unfortunately his house  caught fire and he was poached to death.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
News flashes:
1. Now on sale at IKEA – beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.

2. A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

3. Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

4. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

View from Mars

 

Olympics

 

A lorry has arrived in London carrying barbed wire and wooden posts......turns out its the Irish Olympic fencing team.

 

Sorry.

A bloody nuisance

or two

Everything seems to be conspiring against this scribe.

My left shoulder is still buggered (I don’t know why). I know I should visit the doctor, but finding I was struck of the register and having to re-register, they don’t fill me with ease. More a sense of foreboding.

Secondly I’ve tried to help my eldest daughter, her husband, and infant with their home move. Needless to say the solicitors and an estate agent completely fucked that up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. However knowing our luck it will be an approaching train.

Thirdly, my trusted mower broke down and I stupidly trusted a so called expert firm to repair it. I even told them what the repair needed was. They had the offending machine for four weeks to carry out the repair. I could have done that repair in four hours if I’d the tools.

You can imagine how long the grass grew in that time. I mowed it today. All today.

Fourthly. I took my car in about four months ago to have the juddering, under braking fixed. After forking out a huge sum for the front disks and pads to be renewed, guess what? They’re bloody juddering again FFS? Last time they tried to blame me for overzealous braking. What will they try to blame me with this time?

Fifthly. I went to the garage yesterday afternoon to get a beer. I was driven out by a swarm of wasps. Bastards. However the end was nigh for those buggers. After twilight and having suitably dressed myself in protective clothing, I had great delight in eradicating those evil creatures from this earth. Sue me if you like, Greenpeace.

Hopefully this week will be better.

Blonds

 

Nuf said.

* No locks were damaged in the making of this movie *

Newspaper

I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law the other night
when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.
'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPad,

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.

Smokers Forum

Nothing2Declare has just started a Forum for smokers to talk about smoking issues. Especially cross border shopping.

Can be found HERE

Life on Mars?

Beautiful and incredible images from the latest batch of photographs sent back from the Mars Lander. Do not scroll down to pic four if you are of a nervous disposition

 

 

Water

 

Bloggers think

and MSM journalists don’t.

A Professor Muller has just released non peer reviewed papers on the BEST surface temperature project the Berkeley Earth Surface Temperature (Best) project, led by Prof Richard Muller, has published its final results.

I’m not going to write about that little piece of trickery as others more qualified than me are already ripping his methodology apart. Anyway I digress.

A journalist, who Blogs at the Daily Telegraph has supposedly read the paper says we should read it and believe it because Professor Muller is an “expert”. The journo, a Mr Tom Chivers, reckons we should take the paper as read. Below is his line of reasoning.

The trouble is, there's no avoiding it. As a non-climate scientist, I have to accept certain things on authority, as I do with all expert knowledge. This is an argument from authority, but we all do it, and it's vital: if I had cancer, I'd accept the authority of the oncologist and the body of knowledge of the oncology community, rather than try to guide my own treatment with information I'd found on the internet.

He’s trying to make the point that an expert should always be trusted. Why? Have they never been wrong.

After all for hundreds of years the reasoning was that the Earth was flat, and the Sun orbited the Earth. That was the expert belief at the time. Consensus by experts should only be proven by repeated testing of the theory.

Let me give you a case in point.

Helicobacter pylori (Stomach Ulcer to you and me) was for many years believed by the medical profession to be caused by stress and spicy foods. The believed consensus at the time. (They were the experts or so they thought).

However.

Helicobacter pylori was rediscovered in 1982 by two Australian scientists, Robin Warren and Barry J. Marshall as a causative factor for ulcers.^[28] In their original paper, Warren and Marshall contended that most gastric ulcers and gastritis were caused by colonization with this bacterium, not by stress or spicy food as had been assumed before.^[29]

The H. pylori hypothesis was poorly received,

It took a further fifteen years before the consensus was finally overturned. And finally.

In 2005, the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine to Dr. Marshall and his long-time collaborator Dr. Warren "for their discovery of the bacterium Helicobacter pylori and its role in gastritis and peptic ulcer disease."

Now I have some knowledge of this illness. Last year I suffered from various symptoms such as upset stomach, burning sensation in the stomach, lack of appetite, and occasional vomiting. When I visited my doctor he initially dismissed these symptoms as a minor stomach upset. However I had researched my symptoms and they were far more indicative of something more than a minor stomach upset. I refused to accept his diagnosis and he reluctantly agreed for blood tests to be undergone.

A week later I was diagnosed with an infection of Helicobacter pylori. If I hadn’t questioned the expert, who knows what would have happened? I might be blogging from a hospital bed. Or God forbid, dead. (Mind you Mrs FE would probably have welcomed my demise). 

Moral of the story Tom: Even experts can be wrong. Don’t blindly believe everything you’re told by press release. Question it to an inch of it’s life. That’s what makes a great journalist rather than a mediocre one.