Australian tourist board answers your questions

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (   UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of  Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is 
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from..
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Dedicated to the Angry Exile

The silent majority

To   David Cameron (Prime Minister) & Ed  Milliband (Leader of the Opposition)  ...

You BOTH Worry me ! ( In fact both of  your Political parties worry the hell out of me  !!!)

Over the last three years, I find  myself becoming more and more fearful of the  pair of you, and between you, you are turning  this country into a place that I no longer feel  at home in, or feel a part of! I watch you in  parliament, and no, not just the two of you, but  every politician that I see, stand up in  parliament sneering at each other, and acting  like children !!! (..and if you were my  children, I would be ashamed of you all ... What  an example to set!)

Although you would  like us all to believe that you are putting the  needs of this country at the forefront, NEITHER  of you are doing that, you seem more interested  in "one-up-manship ", in scoring off each  other,  & denigrating each other, to  the detriment of this country & its people  !!!
It seems to be all about  YOU as individuals, and not about what you can  DO for this country !

It is fast becoming a  place that I do not recognize, as the place I  always thought, was the best place in the world  to be !!!
But no longer !!!

You  are not listening to the people of this country  !!!
And here in Great Britain , your   counterparts are afflicted with the same disease  - is it endemic in all politicians ?

I am  watching the deterioration of living standards  in this country, (and according to you, on a  world stage we are doing better than most  countries ... REALLY ???) ... And yet the gap is  widening between the "haves"  and the  "have-nots" .  I see our homeless on the  streets, our hospitals under-funded,  and  understaffed, our health system is an absolute  mess and a disgrace ... And yet I see  multi-millions of dollars being sent off shore,  in aid to other countries, before attending to  this country's needs !

I see the "selling  off of water rights to foreign interests,   WHY...?
Especially when you go  to great lengths to tell us that water is a  finite resource, & supposedly,  we must  ALL be careful with how we use it, so that we  ensure we have it for the future ?

A  Carbon Tax,( which you KNOW  is just  another tax )  which will make NO  appreciable difference, to carbon emissions, AT  ALL!
A tax,  which in spite of all  your arguments FOR it, you are doing alone, when  other major countries will NOT & DO NOT  embrace it, or believe in it   !
All that it will do for  this country is put working families and small  businesses behind the eight ball, .....what  planet are you on, if you think that your few  hundred pounds a year,  will make  even a scrap of difference to the effect of the  carbon tax on people ?Anyone can see the holes in  that argument !!! Do you really think we  are  that dumb ???

Let's talk about  Multiculturalism ......People have come here  from other countries, for a better life, for  more years than I have been alive  ( I am  63 years old !)  ......
Pre & Post war  immigrants came for a better life, and settled  in and became wonderful contributors to this  country, ... all have contributed to the rich  diversity of this country, and some descendants  have even fought FOR this country, and they have  become U.K.citizens and were glad to be  ..and they had NO handouts from our Government  either, ...they worked hard for  everything!
I have never before had a  problem with all, or any, race of  immigrants  coming here  ...
......However , I DO NOW  !!!
Please tell me why we have   areas in towns and on large estates all over the  country , where police do NOT,  & will  NOT go, for fear of their life ?

Please tell  me why we can no longer have religion in  schools, for fear of "OFFENDING" someone ? (The  latest little gem is that they are not having,  or being funded, for  "chaplains " any more  , but "Counsellors "?)

Please tell me why  religious Christmas observances are no longer  allowed in some schools for fear of OFFENDING  someone ?

Please tell me HOW Christmas  decorations in some stores might OFFEND someone  ?

Please tell me why we have to have  segregated days in some swimming centres, for  fear of "OFFENDING" someone ?

Please tell me  why we have some RADICAL clerics demanding  Sharia Law in this country ... when if we were  in THEIR country, this would NEVER be allowed  ?

Please tell me why our laws need to be  changed, so as not to OFFEND someone ?

Please  tell me why we are fast becoming a MINORITY  voice, in our own country, because of POLITICAL  CORRECTNESS ?

Please tell me WHY   Britains  cannot legally wear a face  covering bike helmet into a bank ..and yet it is  ok to wear a Burqa which covers the whole face  ?

And please tell me WHY, when those people  who want asylum here, can wreck our detention  centres,  and STILL be accepted here  ?

What does that say, about just  who and what are this government's priorities  ?

The British people that I speak to have  genuine concerns about becoming a second class  minority in our own country, and the reasons for  it,  are some of the above,  ..... Are  you so blind that you cannot see this  ?

And no , I am NOT racist !!!..(if I did  not like Catholics or Protestants would I be  considered racist ?) Of course not !
Why  is it, that if we object to what is happening in  our country ... we are immediately labelled  RACIST, in an attempt to shut us up ?

We  are fighting Radical Muslims, in Afghanistan   & Iraq , are we not ?I hear you say, yes but  the Muslims we have here are "Not like that " ..  well how would we know ? ...do we hear ANY of  them coming out & speaking AGAINST radicals  ??  I haven't ....have you ???

Islam  is not compatible with ANY of the values that we  hold here in Britain ! .....Are not the  experiences of  France , and the  Netherlands an example of that?   Why  do you think it would be any different here  ?  We even have a British born "radical ",  whose message is that Britain WILL become a  Muslim country, under Sharia Law, & that we  had "better get used to it "
Will both  of you grow some "Balls ", and start sticking up  for this country and its people ???

We  are the people who put you where you are, and  PAY you to look after our interests ! ... And  you are NOT doing that, by any stretch of the  imagination !!!

I would appreciate an  answer, from both of you, if only to convince me  that once again, I am not talking to a brick  wall !!!!!
In case it has escaped both of  you ...I would like to remind you that, in the  U.K. Government ... is FOR THE PEOPLE, OF THE  PEOPLE,  & BY THE PEOPLE ...
never  forget that......because you sure have up till  now  !!!

*Then again you could go fuck yourselves*

Voting Today?

Political plain packaging.

H/T to The Boiling Frog

I’m staying out of Sussex.

Notwithstanding that the police look like stormtroopers these days rather than public servants. Now they want to be better armed.

Tasers are to be used by a further 160 police officers across Sussex, it has been revealed.

Currently only Sussex Police firearms officers use the stun guns but response teams will also use them from October.

Ch Supt Paul Morrison said the move would give the force more options in deploying staff and officers would receive appropriate training.

We’ve all heard about “appropriate training” before. It never seems to address the problems. One bit of training that should be paramount is that the Taser should be used against a volunteer. I E. the Officer that is being trained to use it. That Officer would then realise what it’s like to be hit by 50,000 volts. (I’ve been hit by 440 volts and I can tell you. It fucking hurts). 

They also need to realise that the taser is not a toy that can be fired at anyone.

But the American Heart Association's premier journal, Circulation, published an article online Monday that examined eight cases involving the TASER X26 ECD. Seven of the people died.

Dr. Douglas Zipes, of Indiana University's Krannert Institute of Cardiology, found that a shock from the Taser "can cause cardiac electric capture and provoke cardiac arrest" as a result of an abnormally rapid heart rate and uncontrolled, fluttering contractions.

Mind you my local police are far to busy. It took six officers, in three cars to investigate one fallen tree, blocking my road, on monday.

Someone, somewhere in the UK is going to die from one of these devices. It could be you on a friday night after an altercation with a stormtrooper police officer.

Moral of the story: Byepass Sussex.

The Arrogance of Authority

 

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this f*****g badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

(I just love this part....)

 

"Your badge, show him your f*****g BADGE........ ! !"

I thought science was settled on climate change.

Obviously not warmists. I think this little snippet will further your downfall.

WASHINGTON, May 1 (UPI) -- A 10-year research plan outlined by the White House will focus on how human economic activity influences climate change, the administration said.

The White House said it formalized a 10-year strategic plan for the U.S. Global Change Research Program. The plan will focus on the relationship between human economic activity and global climate change.

So all you warmist twats who disagree with us sceptics, just look to your consciences.

The Tortoise and the Hare. *Contains a rude word*

 

Global warming simplified.

Below are three YouTube vids that explain in laymen's  terms why we should not be panicking over Global warming, Climate Change, or any other phrase the watermelons want to throw at us. (Green on the outside, red in the inside) Dr David Evans explains in simple terms (And I like simple, as I’m only an engineer).

Now I know that there is over 30 mins of viewing below, but it’s well worth the watch.

And the politics which you’re not shown.

What do you think? Are you a supporter of sites such as Desmogblog (Author spits and washes his mouth out with soap and water), or have you an open mind.

H/T to Jo Nova

I never knew that.

 

Did you know 'listen' and 'silent' use the same letters?

Do you also know that the words 'race car' spelled backwards still
spells 'race car'?

And that 'eat' is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense 'ate'?

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in 'illegal immigrants,' and add just a few more letters, it spells: 'Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making , non-English-speaking arseholes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-shagging, raggedy-ass bastards with you.'

How weird is that? English really is a strange language, isn't it!!!!!!

It never happens to me.

What is she looking for?