The law

 

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with ...Or you are wearing something you don't want to be seen in!

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.  Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in an entire locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.  Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Reduce your carbon footprint you damned old biddy.

It would seem that there are climate evangelists in the medical profession as well.

Housebound Mrs Mulcahy, 83, was astonished to receive a letter from her practice saying she lived too far away, and giving her 28 days to find another doctor. She has been registered there for 30 years.

Their excuse is:

In the letter, the surgery states: ‘Our greatest concern is for your health and convenience but also taking into consideration green travelling issues. Re: Carbon footprints and winter weather conditions, we feel it would be advisable for patients to register at surgeries nearer to where they live.

I despair.

Is it just me…….

or am I stupid? I know I wasn’t the best at chemistry at college, but it would seem that strange things can happen to a common, every day substance. Apparently it can change depending which part of the country you live in.

Water:

I always thought that this consisted  of H2 + O = H2O. Maybe not if this is to go by.

Dr Barnaby Smith of the Centre for Ecology and Hydrology said: ‘There are issues to consider, as water has a different chemical composition in the North and the South which can affect the ecosystem.

Maybe I’m worse at chemistry than I thought.

Fancy a cruise?

 

I was just pondering as an ex marine engineer, about the latest Cruise liner to be stricken down at sea with a loss of propulsion and main electrical power.

I’ll describe the propulsion system of my last ship, which although not being a cruise liner, due to it having GUNS and things, had the same basic principle of propulsion and power generation.

Our main source of power was 4 x 4.7 Mw, 6.6kv (6,600 volts), diesel generators. Now 6.6kv voltage is something you have to be really scared about. A small error can submit you to a lethal mini lightning bolt, that will fry you in instant.

These diesel generators have a fuel injection system that supplies fuel to the cylinders at approximately 300 bar (dependant on engine manufacturer). A loose connection, or a split in the pipework can result in a high pressure mist that could impinge on a hot exhaust. Here again I’m speculating as normally the high pressure systems are normally shrouded.

Anyway lets suppose that’s the cause of the fire in the engine room. The first thing that the control room staff would have had warning of this would normally a leakage alarm, rapidly followed by Flame flicker and smoke alarms. Some confusion can occur if the staff check the CCTV cameras, and delay action. I was on one ship where there was a fire in a machinery space, where the engineers entered the control room, looked at the CCTV monitor, saw no picture, and concluded that the camera was defective. In fact it was because the smoke was so dense the camera couldn’t operate. (That was only 90 seconds from the smoke detector operating).

Anyhoo, I digress.

How do you fight a fire when the equipment has such high voltage? The last thing you’re going to do is attack a 6.6kV generator with a saltwater fire hose. you’d be a dead, smouldering corpse, within seconds. ( remember the lightning bolt).

The answer is to inject the machinery space with an oxygen denying gas such as CO2 or Halon. This will hopefully starve the fire of oxygen and result in a non fire position. However it takes a short while to shut down the other generators in a safe manner as many commercial generator take their air supply direct from the machinery space. The last thing you want to happen is the diesel sucking the smothering gas in and then consequently chucking it up the funnel to the outside.

I hope you’re not getting bored.

Whilst the generators are being shut down a team needs to be shutting down all flaps and openings to the machinery space in order that the smothering gas is not going to be dispersed. Time is of the essence.

Once the gas has been released it should extinguish the flames, but will not cool the space significantly. It then becomes a waiting game for the space to cool down to a safe level to allow re-entry without re-ignition of any hotspots caused by air from the re-entry.

One unfortunate side effect is that you’ve lost all your electrical power and the lights have gone off and your fire pumps have stopped. Oh dear.

However, help is at hand. All ships have an emergency generator that will start automatically and supply limited power. This includes supplying limited lighting (usually 50%), power to an external fire pump, steering gear, navigation lights, and radio equipment.

Monitoring of the boundaries should continue until three consecutive drops in temperature of the machinery space, before any attempt to enter. This can take 24 hours, to be sure it is safe to re-enter.

This gives you time to make sure your firefighters are rested and in a good state. This includes getting a plan for re-entry in a safe manner, and sorting out your logistics. I.E, All breathing apparatus fully charged, enough hoses, considering that entry ladders may have melted or distorted, lack of lighting, etc.

Re-entry. There must be enough length of fire hose to enable the team to reach the furthest reaches of the compartment in case of a flare up. If not you might have made matters worse.

The happy ending: You have recovered the machinery space.

THE END

Maybe I’ll write a post of the trials and tribulations of attending the firefighting and damage control course at HMS Phoenix.

Sleep well and don’t have nightmares as you cruise the seven seas. (I’m still alive after 43 years. A great many of those years as Officer in Charge of the Fire and repair party, on a number of ships).

Just in case they’ve started early

 

Alle gesprekke oor die internet en e-posse kan aangeteken word as die regering beplan om 'n massiewe uitbreiding in toesig.

Die koalisie is herstigting van Arbeid se noodlottig skema om na Snoop op alle Britse burgers aanlyn - ten spyte van die feit dat dit teengestaan ​​is deur liberale en konserwatiewe terwyl hy in die opposisie.

Internet diensverskaffers sal gevra word om rekords te hou van alle e-pos boodskappe op die sosiale netwerk-webwerwe en gesprekke oor Skype.

Die inhoud van die oproepe of boodskappe sal aangeteken word, maar die owerhede sal hê om 'n hofbevel te verkry om as hulle wil om te luister of die inhoud te lees.

Maar, sal die polisie en sekuriteit in staat wees om die besonderhede van wat die kommunikasie tussen en watter tyd dit plaasvind sonder 'n hofbevel te eis.

For an explanation why this is written in a foreign language go HERE

Tossers.

Gotta Hole

A TFE public service broadcast.

Did that help?

Threat levels

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

A final thought -“ Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."

The latest

First we had Anthropogenic Global Warming to make us feel guilty about our lifestyle. Next was Global climate change and Global weirding.

Bearing in mind these all had a cost to be born by us in higher tax and bills, (Carbon taxes) and were designed to change our behaviour.

Well it seems that those alarmist headings aren’t having the desired effect on us proles, so they are changing the narrative again.

More and more I see is the word “Sustainability” cropping up with monotonous regularity from the usual crooks, who are trying to send us back to an agrarian society, whilst relieving us of our money in the process.

DEFRA

Sustainable development is about making sure that people throughout the world can satisfy their basic needs now, while making sure that future generations can also look forward to the same quality of life.

WWF

Sustainability - changing how we live

Yes, we really can all make a difference. And if we want governments and businesses around the world to act, we need to get our own houses in order first - and our cars, shops and workplaces too. Besides, the sooner we move towards less wasteful, healthier lifestyles, the better for everyone.

Just  do a google search for “sustainable” and you’ll see what I mean. Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon..

There’s even a site called the sustainable restaurant association. I doubt whether I shall visit one of those places.

I’m pissed off with hearing that bloody word. It purports to make us feel that we don’t care about anyone else in our thrust to better our lives. Of course some would say “You’re condemning the third world to a life of poverty”. I would reply by saying that I’ve seen shithole countries, first hand, that are awash with riches which are used by the ruling class to subjugate their populace to a life of misery.

Sustainable. Bollocks to the idea.

and if someone dares to mention “renewables”…………..  

Nice one.

Some enterprising publican.

Always choose a memorable password!

We are all adults, and hope we all have a good sense of humour. 

This was just too funny to not share.

A lady helps her man install a new computer. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, a word that he'll always remember.

As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, he selects a word but he is annoyed with her reaction, when he selects: penis.

As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria ..

The computer had replied:

TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!