Second hand smoke will not kill you. By an anti smoker.

It’s nice to see reason prevail. I’m too used to a hate environment promulgated by the likes of ASH with their denormalisation  agenda. I suppose some sanctimonious twat will try to ban smoking in cars next. Jeeez, they have thought of that.

Three Bears

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.

He looks into his small bowl It is empty.

'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.

He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.

'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,

'For God's sake, how many times do I have  to go through this with you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.

It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.

It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants.

It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence,
listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....

'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET.

How to control unruly behaviour in the classroom

Firstly we have Brazil. Hurling is good.

Next we have Egypt. A good slapping works every time.

The last is the best, from the good old USA. I do think that she missed.

If I could find one from the UK, I would. I suspect it would be one of a pupil knifing the teacher.

It’s been a long time….

Since I’ve held a new-born baby.

My first Grandchild is the first baby I’ve held in my arms for over 25 years. When you look down on such a small bundle of innocence, you really begin to marvel at the perfection of such a small being.

However it also got me thinking of what his life will be like in the future.

Firstly, will he be safe from the obtrusive nanny state that seems to consider all parents are child beaters, until otherwise proven?

Will he be given a decent education, sufficient to give him at least a chance to get ahead in his world of today?

If he does, and excels, will his parents be able to help him to afford crippling university fees?

Burdened with these fees. Will he ever be able to accrue enough money for a deposit on a property?

Will he be saddled with more debt, run up by useless politicians, that, if I had my way, would all be strung up. All 650 of them.

Will he drink, smoke, and generally enjoy life? Or will he denounce his grandad to the thought police, as a subversive blogger of ill repute who is making trouble for the government and their quangos? (Mind you, my kids think I’m nuts  for blogging anyway. I do say to them that they’re not forced to follow this blog. Do children listen?).

Will he be living in a yurt heated by goat droppings, because the 1,000,000 bird mincers built in the early 21st century have all broken due to old age and catastrophic failure?

I really don’t know. (If I was that good at reading the runes teabags the future I’d have won the lottery and retired to Cannes.

What is in store for Aiden? (That’s his name in case you’re wondering).

You tell me. I’m off for a drink and a smoke. (Champagne and a cigar).

PS. I must stop writing serious posts. It degrades this blog.

Cooking the IPCC way.

 

Official rules of Bedroom Golf.................

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

Remember them

 

Celebration

I’m now a Granddad to a boy born at 0515 this morning.

UPDATE: Mother and son doing well. However my son in law had to change his first nappy today. He didn’t enjoy it.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

That advert

Doing the rounds is this

Be afraid, very afraid

I wonder if the boy wonder has seen this? If he hasn’t then he’s incompetent, or at the very worst, incapable  of running this country. Call me Dave needs to grow a pair, and front up against this attack on our  economy. And to think I was a lifelong conservative.

It’s in german but it is subtitled.

Thanks to Subrosa for jogging my memory on this