Amazing what you can do with a handbag.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Scanners. Who needs them?
What a great idea. Why didn't anyone think of this???
The Russians are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.
They have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
They see this as a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this junk about racial profiling. This method would also eliminates the costs of a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case Closed !
This is so simple...that it's brilliant.
I can see it now. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system,
"Attention standby passengers - we now have a seat available on flight number _____".
Happy landings ....
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Hi Dave. It's me again.
Just thought I'd give you a few more ideas where you can save some money.
Action on Smoking and Health (ASH)
All UK press, especially the BBC. ASH campaign continuously for escalating laws against smokers including tax rises, advertising bans and smoking bans.
- Department of Health: £142,000
- ---
- Total £142,000 (19.1% of all income)
The remainder of its income comes from ASH International (part-funded by Pfizer), and supporting charities, principally Cancer Research UK and the British Heart Foundation.
It received just £4,975 in voluntary donations from the public, plus a £10,000 legacy.
ASH Scotland
Openly prohibitionist anti-smoking pressure group. Upon leaving office after 12 years, its Chief Executive Maureen Moore said
"As the Scottish Government work towards a smoking prevention strategy next spring, let’s see them state outright that they want Scotland to become a smoke-free society and they will provide all the necessary support, funding, and legislation to do so."
Of the £468,500 ASH received in grants and donations in 2006/07, £403,800 came from the Scottish Parliament. The remainder came from Health Scotland (which is part of NHS Scotland) and the British Heart Foundation (which receives £4m from the government).
In December 2009, ASH Scotland's revenue doubled when it received £500,000 from the Big Lottery fund.
ASH Wales
Member of the SmokeFree Alliance and respondent to the 2008 Tobacco Consultation. Led the battle for the Welsh smoking ban of 2006.
According to its 2008 accounts, ASH Wales received £113,000 from the Welsh government and £49,968 from the Pfizer Foundation (n.b. Pfizer manufactures Nicorette and Chantix which are both medications to help people to stop smoking).
Its total revenue as shown in its 2007/08 accounts was £247,306. Of which,
- Welsh Assembly: £113,000
- ---
- Total £113,000 (45.7% of all income)
The remainder came from the Pfizer Foundation, the lottery, conference revenue and the British Heart Foundation. A mere £870 came from voluntary public donations.
No Smoking Day
No Smoking Day is a member of SmokeFree Action, which is campaigning for higher cigarette taxes, tobacco display bans, plain packaging of cigarettes and smoking bans in cars.
Its president is Duncan Bannatyne *, who wants the children of smokers to report their parents to the police (I'll only be happy if smoking is banned, The Guardian).
According to its 2007/08 accounts, No Smoking Day received an income of £745,804, of which:
- Department of Health: £250,000
- NHS Scotland: £25,000
- Welsh Assembly: £30,000
- Northern Ireland: £7,000
- Armed forces: £17,793
--- - Total £329,793 (44.2% of all income)
Most of the rest of its revenue came from the sale of No Smoking Day products. There is no record of any voluntary donations from the public.
QUIT
QUIT was a member of the SmokeFree Coalition which campaigned for the UK government to ignore its manifesto commitment to exempt 'wet' pubs and private members' clubs from the 2007 smoking ban.
According to it 2007/08 accounts, QUIT had a total income of £2,054,477, of which:
- European Union: £482,181
- ---
- Total £482,181 (23.5% of all income)
The majority of its income comes from 'services to help smokers to quit', presumably paid for by local and/or central government.
P.S. When can I get a turn at being Chancellor?
Best Regards,
The Filthy Engineer.
* Uber Tosser.
A Dilemma
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take
the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS...................
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered:
'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.
Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'
HOWEVER....,
The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put
her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the bonnet of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
God, I just love happy endings!
Monday, 7 June 2010
Dear Dave (again)
Here's a quango that can be axed.
Guess who?
World Cup 2010
Whether you're a dedicated football supporter, or someone who just succumbs to football fever every four years, you're bound to be glued to the TV for at least some of the World Cup.
If you're really keen, you could watch 64 matches in 31 days – that's 96 hours of football, without counting extra time or penalty shoot-outs!
Although it might feel like you're eating and drinking football, you'll need some real food and drink too. So check out our tips on how to make some healthier choices about what you’re going to eat and drink while you’re feasting on the footie.
Have you guessed who it is yet Dave?
If you're throwing a party for friends and family to watch a game, there are lots of tasty and healthy options you can tuck into as you cheer your team on. Why not serve a vegetable curry with boiled rice or a tasty chilli with plenty of kidney beans?
If it’s just nibbles, how about some tasty, healthier snacks, such as:
- low-fat dips (less than 3g fat per 100g) with vegetable sticks, bread sticks or mini pitta breads for dipping
- lower fat/salt crisps – compare labels so you can choose healthier varieties
- some easy-to-eat fruits, such as apples and grapes
- homemade plain popcorn – made in the pan from popping kernels
Starts with "F", Dave.
When you're engrossed in the game it's easy to sip your way though more than you realise. Remember that bottled beers come in different sizes, so you might be drinking more that you think.
Don’t feel pressured by those around you to drink more than you want to. Skip a round or opt for a soft drink – how about try a sparkling water with a slice of lemon or lime?
Guessed yet? Thought not.
Answer: FSA.
What do you mean you don't know what those initials stand for?
And yes your first guess was nearly right. You said: "F*cking stupid arseholes" . We said: "Food standards agency"
2/10 Could do better.
Dear Dave
This morning you were banging on about reducing the cost to the public purse. Just to help you out here is a small list I have cobbled together, that could have their funding reduced or preferably axed altogether. These are all so called "Charities". However my Idea of charity is that it should be funded by voluntary contributions. NOT funded from my donations to the Inland revenue.
Addaction
Addaction is an addiction charity, focusing on alcohol and drugs
£652,286 from the Big Lottery Fund.
Alcohol Concern
Created by the British government in 1985, Alcohol Concern wages an incremental campaign against drinkers and the drinks industry.
Department of Health (unrestricted grant): £400,000
Department of Health (restricted grant): £142,190
Alcohol Concern also received £127,275 from the Big Lottery Fund.
Alcohol Focus Scotland
As a Scottish charity, its accounts are not available online. Experience in England shows that the general public are very reluctant to donate to the anti-alcohol cause, so we can be sure they receive a substantial portion of their £1,526,718 income from the state.
Alliance House Foundation
The Alliance House Foundation is a well established temperance group and a member of the Alcohol Health Alliance
Institute of Alcohol Studies
The European Commission employed the Institute of Alcohol Studies to advise it on alcohol policy in 2003. When the report was released in 2006, the term "passive drinking" was born. Its current activities are centred around raising the price of alcohol. It is a member of the Alcohol Health Alliance.
They receive most of their funding (£391,995) from the Alliance House Foundation, a temperance group which states its aim as being "to spread the principles of total abstinence from alcoholic drinks".
Its 2007/08 accounts show a total income of £430,019
In 2006/07 it received £38,228 from the European Commission (£38,228).
It receives no voluntary donations from the public.
The Media Trust
The Media Trust exists to help charities raise their profile and "strengthen the impact, reach and effectiveness of our work." Their website is heavy on jargon and they are behind a digital TV channel that no one watches (The Community Channel).
- Office of the Third Sector: £1,950,090
- Department of Culture, Media and Sport: £333,000
- ICT Hub: £42,553
- Capacity builders: £197,405
- Department for Children, Schools and Families: £314,744
- Arts Council: £50,000
- Total £2,887,792 (60% of total income)
-----
The National Council for Voluntary Organisations
Amongst its projects is Only Connect, a scheme that subsidises charity employees to meet up with other charities:
(Leftist jargon and waffle dominates the charity's website:)
- Capacity Builders: £5,400,000
- Future Builders: £141,000
- Office of the Third Sector: £1,317,000
- Sector Skills Development Agency: £60,000
- Home Office: £110,000
--- - Total £7,028,000 (52.5% of all income from donations)
In addition, it receives £595,000 from the Big Lottery Fund and various other grants that are probably state-funded at source.
British NGOs for Development
Took part in the anti-capitalist demonstrations against the G20 conference. Member of the Put People First coalition.
- Department of International Development: £184,000
- European Union: £26,485
--- - Total £210,485 (17.2% of all income)
It received a further £170,790 from the Big Lottery Fund.
Campaign for Better Transport Charitable Trust
Most of its campaigns focus on climate change and it is a member of Stop Climate Chaos. Its climate change campaign is led by the fanatical anti-motoring activist Rebecca Lush.
The government may be inclined to listen to this lobby group since it is the government that funds it. According to its latest accounts, the largest donor to the Campaign for Better Transport—with £272,266—is National Business Travel Network (NBTN). NBTN is "a Department for Transport initiative and part of the government's ACT on CO2 campaign".
Not only does the Campaign for Better Transport receive 40% of its funding from NBTN, it also runs NBTN on the Department for Transport's behalf. It also runs Tomorrow's England, which donated £66,311 to the Campaign for Better Transport in 2008.
Most of the rest of its funding comes from bus and train companies (see here).
Its 2007/08 accounts show a total income of £603,657
- NBTN (Department for Transport): £272,266
- Tomorrow's England: £65,311
- Small grants conduit: £30,095
- London: £79,633
Shamelessly lifted from Fake Charities
Do it Dave. DO IT.
(And that is just the tip of the iceberg)
UPDATE:
Just had one of those E mails from call me Dave again. Anyway I replied with this post.
Sunday, 6 June 2010
The third world.
Yesterday I wrote a post indicating that Kent had joined the third world after my water supply was disrupted.
In fact for those who think they're in poverty in this country then they should think again.
Just take this comparison between the UK and Angola, where I had reason to be posted on a peacekeeping mission.
Kent:
Within hours the water company had supplied 20,000 litres of clean bottled water.
Angola:
One Barrio's water supply was one stand pipe for 3000 people.
Kent:
Quite a few potholes ending up with a few damaged vehicles.
Angola:
20,000,000 landmines. Plenty of damaged vehicles and an awfull lot of amputees.
Kent:
Median wage. £2,200 per month.
Angola:
Monthly 8,000,000 Kwanzas. Approximately equal to $2.5.
Kent:
Strict gun possession laws.
Angola:
An AK47 with a 30 round magazine cost $1. (Obtained from the local police station). Incidentally, anti tank mines cost $5.
Kent:
Airport security. Rigorous. (yes we have an airport. Manston).
Angola:
Mugging is rife at the airport. Usually by the police. ( I was escorted through by the charge de affaires. phew).
Kent:
Kids that have no manners and think that the world is there to support them.
Angola:
Kids that have a zest for life and learning.
All in all, that deployment was enlightening and well worth it. I left with a great sense of personal achievement.
Whilst I was helping the Royal Engineers, between us we managed to get the southern town Of Lobito's water treatment works operational for the first time in twenty years. It filled me with pride to be made an honorary member of 20 squadron, Royal Engineers, and also very humble. They are true, dedicated, professionals.
As are all the members of her Majesties armed forces.
Saturday, 5 June 2010
I have water
The water is now back on at Filthy Engineer mansion. I must give credit where it's due. The water company kept us updated as to the situation on it's website, hourly. By mid afternoon they had trucked in 20,000 litres of bottled water, of which I have 48 of those litres. Usefull for the summer if we get one.
It just shows that private enterprise works best. Can you imagine if it had still been government run?
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