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Monday, 28 February 2011

Children of Allah

Will these spread into the middle east vacuum?

I fear they will. However our government will be on the back foot as always and be too late to have any influence in the failed states. Expect more bombs in the UK. In future, iDave,  don’t be too quick to scrap our aircraft carriers and the harriers that fly from them.  

Apologies

Thank you, to all that comment on my posts. I would like to reply individually to you but I’m a lazy bastard. I do appreciate that you find my blog, informative, irritating, hateful, stupid, ill informed, unfactual, biased, puerile, ridiculous, hateful, ranty, lazy, and downright Blogolazy ™.

Thanks for your efforts. It’s what keeps me blogging , knowing that someone actually reads the drivel that I write.

You are the true superstars.

Luck of the Irish

A little bit of light entertainment for a Monday Morn.

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Profile of an arch Ecotwat

who we are

Alexis RowellAlexis Rowell
Founder

cuttingthecarbon was set up by Alexis Rowell after he discovered that man-made climate change meant the North Pole was going to disappear in his lifetime. Alexis's first career was as a BBC journalist from 1989 to 1998, mostly reporting on the consequences of the fall of the Berlin Wall. After completing an MBA at INSEAD in 1999, and spending seven years working in business development for technology companies, his concern about climate change led him to seek election in 2006 as a councillor in the London Borough of Camden. He was appointed Camden Eco Champion and Chair of the council's all-party Sustainability Task Force.

Excuse me Alexis. How the fuck can climate change eradicate the North Pole? And of course, surprise, surprise, he was moulded by the BBC. And he’s a fucking ECO champion!  Hang him.

Employment 101. Or should that be 1?

For those of you who have been hiding in the jungle for the past umpteen years and have popped their head up over the long grass, to see if the war is over ....
the UK is in DEEP trouble.

The population of this country is approximately 60 million of which 32 million are retired. That leaves 28 million to do any work.

There are 17 million in school or at Universities.
That leaves 11 million to do any work.

Of those there are 8 million employed by the UK government.
Leaving 3 million to do any work.

1.2 million are in the armed forces pre-occupied with fighting a pointless war in Afghanistan, with a lack of proper equipment, on the USA and UK governments pretext of killing Osama Bin-Laden. Or something.

Which now leaves 1.8 million to do any work.
Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils.
That leaves 1 million to do any work.

At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit.
Leaving 512,000 to do any work.

Oh, and let's not forget there are 511,998 people in prisons at the moment. That leaves just two people to do any work.

You and me.

And there you are, sitting on your arse, at your computer, reading this load of bollocks that I've just posted on the blog.
Is it any wonder that we are all in the shite up to our necks, my B.P. is through the roof from the stress of trying to cope on my own and my liver is on the verge of 'jumping ship' in the hope of finding an easier life.

Shamelessly knicked from The All seeing eye

Friday, 25 February 2011

Rebellion

I wonder if  it’ll catch on here. I suspect that it may.

Now the average Brit is a very tolerant type and has been for decades. However I think that’ll change in the next few years.

Here’s what I predict:

In 2012 the cuts will make the populace sit up from dozing on the couch (In front of the 42” TV, Natch) and realise that life is going to become very hard indeed. Petrol at £2.00 per litre for instance.

By 2015 the LibCon conspiracy is ousted by a Labour election victory.

Labour undo five years of deficit reduction, and spend, spend , spend.

Smoking is banned in cars and public places. A minimum price for alcohol is set at £1 per unit, and a new department for tackling obesity is formed.

Inflation rises to higher than the 70’s. The IMF are called in and declare the UK a basket case.

By 2018, the lights start to go out due to extensive power cuts caused by successive Governments’ obsession with Wind turbines and other useless bits of green thinking.

After clashes with the Police, the borough of Tower hamlets manages, through the  EU Court of Human Rights, to declare that it will abide by Sharia law, and non Muslims are forbidden.

In 2019, the Falkland Islands are occupied by Argentina as the UK  navy has been reduced to a coastal defence force.

Civil unrest breaks out  in the North of the UK, as unemployment reaches 50% and ACPO deploys heavily armed thugs Police Officers to break up the protests.

The BBC are forced to declare bankruptcy as  the majority of the populace have refused to pay for the license fee, to fund left wing spin and obfuscation. And of course they can’t pay their pension obligations as a majority of their funds were tied up in Green technologies.

2020. During a mass demonstration in parliament square, armed police shoot dead 20 protesters. Further protests erupt  throughout the UK. Millions take to the streets resulting in many more deaths, including a war hero from Afghanistan.

A police station is torched by angry protesters,

January 2020. After the coldest winter since the little ice age. Thousands of pensioners have died due to to the fact that they can’t heat their homes due to the green tariffs, mass protests become the norm outside the Palace of Westmonster.

Martial law declared.

Police heavy handed, co-ordinated by ACPO, ruthlessly gain control.

A hitherto unknown colonel declares his battalion in support of the protesters and clashes with the police. The Police retreat in disarray.

The chief of the General staff throws his hat into the ring and declares that the army will support regime change. The Navy which has no ships, agrees. Due to the fuel shortages the RAF can’t afford to fly in support.

A citizen march on Westminster drags out those MPs who are not in hiding and submits them to a court of “Public Opinion”. 200 are hanged from westmonster  lamposts. The rest have fled the country.

Wishful thinking.

Holidays. I hate them.

easyjet

Well I hate the hassle of organising them. This afternoon I would rather have been in Libya than having to negotiate the Easyjet online booking system. Now don’t get me wrong, I do hope that those in Libya get out safely. FE in his career, has been bombed, missiled, and shot at on many occasions. Not least the Spanish Navy helicopter pilot and his depth charge. But that’s another story. Oh, I forget that cruise missile incident.

Back to Easyjet:

They sucker you in by purporting to have low fares, and yes, they have to their credit. The same journey by other carriers is twice as much and their route to the destination we are going to, takes twice as long.

However to avail yourself of these cheap tickets you end up paying upfront, before being asked a plethora of information that you don’t have at your finger tips. Our party consisting of seven, living in various parts of the Kingdom of Great Britain, and Northern Ireland, does not make it easy to get the info at short notice.

And God help us if I’ve mispelled a name, or buggered up a passport number, an issue date, an expiry date, a date of birth, whether I require Halal food (OK, I made that one up).

I think I’ll stay at home.

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Happy.

No I’m bloody not
What’s with all this prying into our lives? Firstly we’re going to be forced under pain of fines to fill in the most obtrusive census forming in living memory.

17. What questions will I have to answer?

We ask about work, health, national identity, citizenship, ethnic background, education, second homes, language, religion, marital status and so on. People in Wales will have an extra question about the Welsh language.

Why should I be forced to tell them whether I work or not? Are they trying to find benefit cheats.
What business is it of theirs, what my health is? That’s between me and my GP. I shall write “DEAD” on mine.
National Identity? Am I going to tell them anything other than British? Maybe they’re at long last going to track down illegal immigrants. I don’t think so.
Language? Who cares what I speak as long a the local shopkeeper can understand my request for 60 cigarettes and a bottle of grouse. (Arnott and Shenker, I hope you will read that)’
Religion. That’s easy. I’m declaring myself as a founder member of  Smokology (order of  Superkings, first class).
Marital status? None of your business.  More benefit cheat entrapment.
As for the Welsh………………. enough said.

And finally they want me to answer a survey on how happy I am according to the Beeb tonight.

What do you think I am?

Buckle up

The National Roads Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct installation is illustrated below.......


seatbelt1

Love lost in the Computer age.

banner_across_a_heart_0071-0904-2517-3759_TN

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a
distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend. In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?


Signed, Desperate
...................................................
Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as
designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.


Good Luck,
Tech Support

Dedicated to Lizi, Kat, & Chris.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Hospital food.

 

A Blogger spent time in the NHS for a debilitating bone disease and found Hospital food, as you would never like to have to eat.

yuk

Traction man on channel 4.

Here’s his Site. Just read through it to be appalled.

When will he admit defeat?

The map below purports to show who controls the various areas of Libya. I don’t know how true it is, but I would suggest El Presidente gets the hell out of Dodge, if he wishes to stay alive.

 

libya pic

H/T to the captain for this.

That man in Libya.

Well everyone else has posted it.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Bahrain Grand Prix

Bahrain-F1

Sod you, Angry Exile. That’s another ruined keyboard.

Monday, 21 February 2011

Don’t eat or drink anything. It’ll kill you.

What is it with these so called health experts? Why can’t they leave us alone?

So how much red meat CAN we eat?

Latest warning suggests too much will cause cancer.

Adults will be advised to eat no more than 500g a week –the equivalent of just three rashers of bacon a day.
And.

A group of leading doctors will today brand ministers’ strategy for tackling Britain’s booze culture ‘inconsequential’ and blame ministers for being ‘too close’ to the drinks industry.

And even more doom mongering.

But the bitter truth is that a small bottle of flavoured water can contain as much sugar as a plate of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

The most popular brand, Volvic’s Touch of Fruit in lemon and lime, has 27.5g of sugar in its standard 500ml bottle – equivalent to almost seven teaspoons.

What'’s more, the articles were all in the same paper. Can’t we have a bit less of  the “We’re all going to die”, for a change?

I wonder if I can retreat behind a paywall?

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Sunday singing.

H/T to Sister Eva Longoria at the raccoon’s place.

Just click on the link in the frame.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Will we see change?

Now the the American house of representatives has passed a resolution to stop funding the IPCC, will we see anything like it happening in the UK and Europe? I very much doubt it in the near future, as our coalition has a) vested interests, and b) they’re to spineless to admit they’re wrong in backing the wrong horse in the race to appease the neo left greenies that inhabit the Libdems.

I really despair when I read about how normal everyday citizens are suckered into spending vast amounts of their hard earned cash in installing green energy projects, which will, in the end of the day, leave them wishing that they had never been so stupid in the first place. Yes by all means install a solar panel on your roof, bur look into the costs you’ll incur in keeping it in working order.

I wrote a piece last year that used the government stats, and my simple engineering  expertise showed that after twenty years you would barely break even.

It’s up to you. Go green. Go broke. Just don’t expect me to pay for your mistakes.

מאפרה רחוב

Someone googled that. This is what they were looking for I presume when they turned up on here.

The Greek smoking ban post I put up last August.

IPCC to lose US funding

This has just broken via Jo Nova.

The yanks have got fed up funding this gravy train and are now pulling the plug.

Another victory for science! The House votes 244-179 to kill U.S. funding of UN IPCC!

‘[The US government] no longer wishes to have the IPCC prepare its comprehensive international climate science assessments’

Defund IPCC ‘amendment was sponsored by Rep. Blaine Luetkemeyer (R-Missouri), who read aloud on the floor from the 2009 U.S. Senate Report of more than 700 dissenting scientists!

(Written by Climate Depot’s Morano) — Luetkemeyer: Americans ‘should not have to continue to foot the bill for an (IPPC) organization to keep producing corrupt findings’

Note: U.S. Senate’s 700 Scientist report has been updated to more than a 1000 by Climate Depot. See: * SPECIAL REPORT: More Than 1000 International Scientists Dissent Over Man-Made Global Warming Claims.

There is a God.

Someone there has read this blog.

IP Address: 143.231.249.141 [Label IP Address]
ISP: U.s. House Of Representatives
Entry Page Time: 19th February 2011 17:06:17
Visit length: 0 seconds
Browser: IE 7.0
OS: WinXP
Resolution: 1024x768
Location: Washington, District Of Columbia, United States
Returning Visits: 0
Entry Page: http://niklowe.blogspot.com/2011/02/ipcc-to-lose-us-funding.html
Exit Page: http://niklowe.blogspot.com/2011/02/ipcc-to-lose-us-funding.html
Referring URL: http://addictomatic.com/topic/Blaine Luetkemeyer

Friday, 18 February 2011

I larfed till I cried.

On December 10, 2009, Greenpeace took its message to save the climate (summit in Copenhagen) directly to EU Heads of State who were gathering in Brussels. Activists managed, to their own surprise, to step onto the red carpet, where they delivered their “EU, save Copenhagen” message in front of the cameras.

And

Eleven people were subsequently charged with “Using False Documents”, and one of them was also charged with “Producing False Documents”, on the presumption that his press accreditation has been used. Defendants come from Belgium, the Netherlands, UK and France and they face sentences up to five years.

I’m laughing not that that they might be jailed. I think that would be wrong in this case. But the Righteous at Greenpeace always seem to think that their greenthink trumps the law of the land.

There’s a great wailing and gnashing of teeth going on over at their site

Thursday, 17 February 2011

E Dating failed

eharmony

Time for lunch

 

BambiVenison

Global warming glossary

A handy cut out guide to frequently used phrases.

“since records began”  -  since 1850 if using observed data, or about 1980 if using satellite data

“might, may, could, perhaps”  -  we can say anything is happening if we put enough modifiers in front of it

“experts say”  -  (a) we’re an NGO in need of funding or (b) I’m a scientist in need of funding

“science is settled”  -  stop asking questions, we know better than you skeptics/deniers/cranks/scary people

“consensus of scientists”  -  the wisdom of crowds is all we have left, so SHUT UP

“CO2 pollution”  -  your high school science teacher lied about CO2 being plant food

“increasing global population”  -  pesky developing nations are demanding cars and appliances. The horror.

“sustainable development”  -  subsidies now, or the planet gets it

“raising awareness”  -  hippies doing something daring or stupid for attention

“cooling caused by warming”  –   hey, you believed everything else we said, why stop now?

H/T to The Daily Bayonet

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

We’re doomed I tell you, doomed.

Again the BBC are pushing their CAGW  agenda again. It would seem that local flooding is all down to greenhouse gasses.

It would appear so, due to computer models. Where have we heard that before I wonder?

Of course this was from the Beeb’s ecoloon – in – chief, Richard Black.

A research team led from Oxford University ran computer models of the atmosphere as it actually was, and parallel models of the atmosphere as it would have been without the carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases that had accumulated from humanity's emissions.

This produced projections of rainfall patterns, which were then fed into a further model that translated rainfall into the impact on river basins across England and Wales.

The 2000 floods occurred when river basins filled up rapidly.

"We looked at how greenhouse gas emissions affected the odds of a flood," related Pardeep Pall, the Oxford researcher who led the study.

"We found that the emissions substantially increased the odds of a flood occurring in 2000, with about a doubling of the likelihood."

And

The researchers suggest there is nothing that can explain this trend except the slow steady increase in temperatures caused by greenhouse gas emissions.

"In North America, precipitation extremes correspond to the El Nino effect in pretty characteristic ways, where some regions get heavy rainfall while others receive less extreme precipitation," said Francis Zwiers from the University of Victoria in Canada.

"But we don't see these spatial variations in our study, and our models don't generate that kind of spatial structure either.

"The evidence is leading us in another direction, to a phenomena that influences precipitations in a global scale - and the only thing we can think of is the changing composition of the atmosphere."

However notice the weasel word in that last paragraph. Suggest.

I must admit I didn’t expect to read this.

This was a point taken up by Sir Brian Hoskins from the Grantham Institute for Climate Change Research, who was not involved with either of these studies.

"Both studies depend heavily on the accuracy of their computer models," he told reporters.

Once bitten, twice shy maybe?

If you want to read the whole article it is HERE as I can’t be bothered to write the whole article here.

UK uprising

We should follow the example of Egypt. Watch and listen.

This was pulled from Youtube. I wonder why?

A tip of the hat to Max

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

CACC. Get off your arses you lazy buggers.

The CACC (Campaign against climate change, Honorary President, George Monbiot), really are a lazy bunch. If they have such a popular organisation, complete with editorial staff. Why do they only manage one post every two months?

They even have a forum where the last contribution was 4th December 2010. I have a feeling that they are not getting the support as their once hyped , “We’re all doomed “, scenario has become old hat to the general populace, as more and more people are questioning the science behind the scam.

Here is their latest attempt to garner support. I wonder how many will attend. Maybe I should bolster the numbers.

Confronting the Climate Emergency in an era of "austerity"

1.00 pm - 6.00 pm, Room B04, Birkbeck University, Malet Street, London WC1E 7HX (map here)

Join us in discussing ...

  • What can we do to get the urgent action we need to confront the climate crisis during the coming  year?
  • What are the key considerations about the current political scene?  And the social and economic scene, media climate etc. etc.
  • Bullding the climate movement nationally and internationally.
  • Putting climate back at the heart of the national debate
  • Radical solutions / Building a Zero Carbon Britain / Million Climate Jobs
  • Concrete ideas for action.

Form groups with others with similar interests / ideas within the campaign.... to convert ideas into real action.

Get involved, learn from others, bring your ideas... get active in the fight against the greatest threat to humanity we've ever seen...

Point 1. Bugger all, The country has no money>

Point 2. I suppose you’ve got that twat Huhne as an ally.

Point 3. I think that you’ll find that the average man in the street has more to worry about in the financial climate gripping the world.

Point 4. Don’t make me larf. See Point 3.

Point 5. Build more nuclear power stations is the simple answer. A million climate jobs subsidised by the taxpayer is a drain on the economy that we can’t afford. Please read economy 101.

Point 6. Do nothing.

CACC. There you are. No need to travel and use up precious carbon getting there.

*10,000,000 tons of carbon were emitted by this blog post  construction*

Flying pigs?

It must be a slow day at the Evening Standard.

CPS drops the case of assault by flying sausage

sausage

WTF?

A bizarre case of assault by sausage has been dropped after a judge said that prosecuting could affect the dignity of his court and the prosecution process itself.

*As you can see it’s a quiet day at FE towers as well*

Religion of Peace. I think not

From the channel 4 dispatches programme aired last night. No wonder we home grow our own terrorists.

H/T to The Barking Spider who comments more prosaically than me on this video.

PS. If all the vids won’t play automatically, just click on the side arrows.

Monday, 14 February 2011

Bin Fairies?

wheelie bin

I’m not sure whether I contracted Dementia, just plain forgetful, or there are demonic forces at play at FE towers.

Now Mrs FE always puts one of the wheelie bins (Green one this week) out on a Monday morning before she sets out for her sixteen hour shift down the porridge mines. (We need the money to keep me in drink, fags and truffles, you see).

After arising from my bed at the early hour of  eleven AM and consuming a leisurely breakfast of strong coffee I went out in the spirit of marital harmony to retrieve the bin from the end of the drive.

And.

NO BIN. First thought was that an international gang of bin nappers was operating in the area. Second thought was whether to call the police and ask if they have an armed bin recovery squad available. Third thought was time for a fag. Of course the ciggie packet, only having one it, had to be disposed of, so round the corner of the house to deposit it in the black bin.

And

Bugger me. There was the Green bin nestling up against the Black bin. How did it get there? Have we got a bin moving charitable organisation set up in my neighbourhood all of a sudden, Fairies, or maybe I’ve become senile and should be put out of my misery with a non Halal stun gun? What do you think?

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Sunday Night Nostalgia

A young female welder who is passionate about dance falls in love with the owner of the plant she works in. What she doesn’t realise is that he pulled strings to get her an audition with a top dance academy. But………………………. They lived happily ever after. I hope.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Oh dear

SORRY - YOUR IP ADDRESS 78.144.232.110 HAS BEEN BANNED FROM VIEWING THIS WEBSITE
If you have an upgraded account you are immune to bans while logged in. Please log in now to browse the site.
Thank you for not stalking!

WARNING: Obsessive Compulsive IP resetting with the intention of avoiding bans on this website and harass our users will result in your ISP being contacted and loss of your Internet service for abuse.

All I did was click on a link to a site I’ve never been to before.

Could we please leave?

I would like to think that the Twat Cameron would have the balls to use the prisoner voting issue to stand up to the EU. I bet that he caves in. Anyone going to bet against me?

Thought not.

Oh Dear. Butter won’t melt in your mouth

H/T to Theo Spark for this.

Friday, 11 February 2011

Please be true

Governments, investors and even the World Bank are rushing for the exits in the Great Escape from the green energy bubble.

Solar energy appears to be the worst affected sector so far. Dow Jones reports on a startling U-turn by Britain’s ultra-green government has caught investors off guard and shock waves across the markets will likely precipitate the further rush from green energy projects to shale gas.

The UK’s Department of Energy and Climate Change made the shock announcement as it revealed a comprehensive review of its Feed-in Tariff (FIT) program. Indications from data provider, Prequin are that over $1bn in earmarked funds may be lost as Britain now promises it will only hold tariffs until April 2012.

The article is by John O’Sullivan. Do go and read the whole post.

You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

It would seem that you can’t do anything these days that will not get the Righteous screaming with indignation.

Speaking at the parish council's meeting on Tuesday, chairman councillor Mark Rolle said he had been offended by the slur on the sign.

"The realms of decency were overstepped – we could be branded a village of bigots."

and

Councillor Paul Boyes agreed and said: "I personally find it offensive. I think it is our duty to say something."

and more

But Councillor Angela Trend disagreed and said: "I found it offensive. Some people aren't confident enough to go in and make a stand."

And of course the plod were involved. Natch.

A spokesman for Hampshire Constabulary said police had "spoken with the hotel's management about the issues."

What was the offence, you ask? Remember the Christian couple who were castigated for turning away a gay couple? This is the exact opposite. It shows that we have a class of person that is professionally offended.

What was the offence?

Police investigated a village hotel owner for erecting a "Poofters welcome here" sign, in reference to a recent court ruling that B&Bs are obliged to accept homosexual customers.

Well Done Brillo

Brillo tears John Hirst to shreds on the Daily Politics show.

 

Insufferable twat.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Luck of the Irish

dice
 An attractive blonde from Dublin, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!' 
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'MORAL OF THE STORY -Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men...are men.

I think we’ve already got this game somewhere.

A Ukrainian company is offering a board game where players are meant to bribe voters and make money through hyped sensations in order to get the most seats in parliament for his political party……………..

Re-election

It was put back in a cupboard somewhere in Westminster in May.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

I don’t believe it.

This was sent from Thomas Cook Holidays,
listing some of the guests' complaints during the season.

 

  • "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
  • "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
  • "On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
  • "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
  • A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
  • A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
  • "The beach was too sandy."
  • "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
  • A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
  • "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
  • "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
  • "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
  • "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."
  • "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
  • "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."
  • "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
  • "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
  • "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
  • "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." 

And lastly:

  • "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

It makes you ashamed to be British.

Do I get air miles?

Now I know London is a pain to get from, by car. But did my bank really need to send my statement by air mail?

air mail09022011_00000

Does the Postgirl fly a helicopter now?

Oh No. I see it’s second class. Carrier pigeon maybe?

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Why are publicans supposed to subsidise the law?

Just had an E mail from Freedom to Choose and one thing that caught my eye was.

FIGHTING BACK!

Ohio; USA:  Keith and Pam Parker are among a group of bar-owners who, since August last year, have been invoicing their Health Department for the cost of policing the ban.
Pam admits she doesn't expect the Health Dept to cough up but explains:

"If they want to put in writing that it's THEIR job, not ours, then our reply will be to have one of their inspectors report to work at our tavern every day at noon.  They can't have it both ways."

So far there has been NO response from the authorities - so a 10% penalty has been added to the outstanding bill.
Ohio has spent $4m dollars enforcing the ban, and penalised some 939  businesses, the vast majority of which are family-run establishments and private clubs.  The bar-owners are seeking an exemption for licensed bars, which traditionally cater to smokers and are, in any case, strictly off-limits to under-21s.

It might be an idea if pubs over here got together and billed their local authority for having the affront for putting the onus on them to police this odious, divisive, fascist law.

If nothing else it would tie up your local smoking enforcement department so that they would spend more time in rebutting the claims, than actually being able to spy on pubs, bars, and social clubs, etc.

I went to a party

ciggie

I was invited to a party last Saturday which was held in a pub. If you haven’t noticed, there is a little hint in my sidebar intimating that I’m one of those foul smokers. What made this pub different is that it had a proper smoking shelter which actually gave the occupants real shelter from the elements.

Now I’m not going to tell you where it is, because it most certainly flouts all the puerile rules by the anti-smoking fascists.

It was a haven of comfort with tables, comfortable seating, lighting, and enough heaters to ensure that one complete power station would have to be permanently on line to supply it. Enough to drive a hundred global warmists into an early grave I hope. The shelter was spotlessly clean with plenty of ashtrays which were emptied on a regular basis. All in all, an oasis of plenty for the smoker.

At the time the shelter was about 85% enclosed from the elements but the neat bit was that if an anti smoking facilitator , or what ever you want to call one, turned up, the Perspex windows could have been jettisoned in less than 60 seconds.

The shelter has been up since 2009 and no-one in this loyal pub community has ratted yet to the anti-smoking Nazis. On the other hand if one had turned up, the 200 ft cliff at the end of the patio might just have been a deterrent to any action being taken.

It really was a nice place to be. Mind you I felt like shit on sunday morning.

Iranium. The Movie.

 An interesting little film about recent history of Iran. More chilling is it's aspirations.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

DEMENTIA QUIZ:

FIRST QUESTION :
Y OU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? 

ANSWER : 

IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!
TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT  DON'T  TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?


SECOND QUESTION :
I F YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....? 

ANSWER:

IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE..... 
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??
YOU'RE  NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:

VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.
TAKE  1000  AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER  1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20  . NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL? 
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....

DID YOU GET 5000 ?
THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100 ...
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?
MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT....  MAYBE...

FOURTH QUESTION :
MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

  1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???
  2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

DID YOU ANSWER NUNU?  NO!  OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY!  READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:

A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE. 
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE 
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...

I’ve obviously got Dementia.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Friday Funny.

ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Tuesday with its epicentre in Basildon . Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".


The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.


Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon .. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Ice cream
Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked,
"Romford" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?"
Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they won't be able to read it, anyway.

Uplifting for the Uprising.

A very good Vid that shows what a mess we’re in as a country.

Well done Max Farquar

Thursday, 3 February 2011

My First ship

It’s the one at the bottom on the Port (Left) side of  HMS Hermes in the Indian Ocean back in 1967. The good ship RFA Retainer (Royal Fleet Auxiliary). The ship on the other side of Hermes is RFA Tidereach.

R_F_A_Retainer_H_M_S_Hermes_R_F_A_Tidereach_2

Retainer was replenishing the Hermes with ammunition, whilst Tidereach was topping her up with fuel. Incidentally Tidereach was my second ship.

Fun

 

Two guys, one older and one young, are pushing their carts around B&Q when they collide.
The older man says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'
The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my  wife,too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The older man says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?'
The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra.. 'What does your wife look like?'
'Doesn't matter', the old bloke says, 'let's just look for yours.

Sceptical science

bear-article_1555847c

If you, like me believe that Climate change is natural or  even if you don’t. You might like to have a read over at this site. Greenworld Trust.

It will give you a vast amount of facts from a warmist converted to sceptic.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Memories

video

And I used to do that for a living.

Security

Recent terror threats have caused European countries to raise their threat levels:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”


The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.


Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Shamelessly knicked from HERE.

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Saying as it is

 

Here is a woman who should run for Prime Minister! 
Written by a housewife, to her daily newspaper. This is one pissed off woman.

'Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores in July 2002, and in New York on 11 Sept 2001, and have continually threatened to do so since?


 
Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day in
London , and in downtown Manhattan , and in a field in Pennsylvania ?
Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?


 
And I'm supposed to care that a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency.


 
I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for
incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11 and 7/7.


I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan


 
I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off
Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.


I'll care when the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques and behind women and children. 


I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of Nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide
bombs.


 
I'll care when the British media stops pretending that their freedom of
speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting at home to hear about them when something happens.


 
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a British soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this:
I don't care.


When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take this to the bank: 
I don't care.



When I hear that a prisoner - who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and 'fed special food' that is paid for by my taxes - is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts:
I don't care.



And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and
other times 'Quran.' Well, believe me!! you guessed it ......
I don't care!!


If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends.
Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous
behaviour!
If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you
choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country! And may I add:
'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. Our soldiers don't have that problem.'
I have another quote that I would like to add, AND.......I hope you forward all this.


 
Only five defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
1. Jesus Christ
2. The British Soldier.
3. The Canadian Soldier.
4. The US Soldier, and
5. The Australian Soldier
One died for your soul, the other 4 for your freedom.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THEM.
AMEN!


Bravo.