Questions, questions

 

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name?

2. There is a man serving at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,...what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole ...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language ...is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. ....How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. ...Why not?

8. What was the President 's Name...in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, ...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say,... "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Scroll down……….

 

 

Here are the Answers

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?
Answer:Johnny of course

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You 're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the USA’s President's Name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on...]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

How did you do? Be honest.

Undercover Liaisons?

After the Bonfire night party on saturday some strange items revealed themselves.

Now your host has his favourite armchair but had to give it up to the guests in the interest of being a gracious host. So the following is not mine.

On Sunday afternoon whilst sitting in the said armchair I felt coins starting to slide out of my right hand trouser pocket. Quick as a flash with a reflex action my hand shot out (years of training in preventing beer glasses sliding off bars on ships stood me in good stead), and reached down beside the cushion.

The horror. On withdrawing my hand I discovered a freshly worn pair of tights! Now I’m the only person who normally sits in that chair and I know they’re not mine, (Wrong colour) so who’s were they and how did they get there? I was the last person to leave the room the evening before. Maybe a mouse had found them and decided to make a nest for the winter. I then forgot about it.

However the plot thickens.

This morning after visiting my local shop to buy the paper and support the government with their tax revenue by buying my daily dose of cancer sticks, I found another disturbing item.

After returning home after negotiating a tortuous route as usual to avoid Attila the Hen (The school crossing lady), and negotiating the complexity of FE towers security system, I went to hang up my coat.

Quelle Horreur .

My coat hangs on the lefthand hook of a bank of four. However out of the corner of my eye I noticed something strange about hook number four.

Knickers!

After inspecting them my mind began to race (First time for years, believe you me), what debauchery has been going on in my home?

Your mission if you wish to accept it is to decide who the perpetrator of these atrocities could be?

Could it be:

Mrs FE

My Brother-in-law (Is he a secret transvestite?)

Me (Actually don’t go there)

Eldest daughter

Youngest daughter

Niece

Policewoman’s mum

Female friend from around the corner.

My son (Oh god No…….)

Mother in law. ( 66-1 against. You try to get your knickers off unseen whilst using a zimmer frame).

My two son in laws (Oh god No…….again).

The blond, busty policewoman, who’s last words to my eldest daughter were “Your father’s amazing”.

 

It’s over to you now.

DEMENTIA QUIZ:

FIRST QUESTION :
Y OU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? 

ANSWER : 

IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!
TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT  DON'T  TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?


SECOND QUESTION :
I F YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....? 

ANSWER:

IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE..... 
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??
YOU'RE  NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:

VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.
TAKE  1000  AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER  1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20  . NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL? 
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....

DID YOU GET 5000 ?
THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100 ...
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?
MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT....  MAYBE...

FOURTH QUESTION :
MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???
2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

DID YOU ANSWER NUNU?  NO!  OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY!  READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:

A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE. 
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE 
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...

I’ve obviously got Dementia.

Ooh er

My Political Views
I am a right social moderate
Right: 3.36, Libertarian: 0.62

Political Spectrum Quiz