Well you Philistines need something.
Saturday, 13 March 2010
Someone read one of my old blogs and it brought this to mind. Although this was written for Remembrance Sunday I thought this was apposite to our troops who are being killed or wounded almost daily in Afghanistan.
I have been in more wars and conflicts than I wish to remember. Can we stop now? We are losing too many of our youth to satisfy the ambitions of those in Government who have no idea of the horror. Has Gordon Brown ever seen a headless corpse inches from his eyes? I have. It still gives me nightmares after 40 years.
I'm bored but you don't need to be:
I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.
They asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations"
but none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"?
Honestly some folk will take offence at anything.
I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How are you getting on?"
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asked.
"Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!"
My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw.
It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.
Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!!
Personally I think its bollocks!!
They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right.
After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive!
What's the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack?
The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.
Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?"
"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big
I think I've just broken every rule in the PC book. If my blog goes off line unexpectedly..............................
You really couldn't make it up.
It would appear that Thames valley Police are even more incompetant than their Home Office rating of "poor".
Maybe their could be a level of "Abysmal" added?
Officers were alerted to an armed raid at a Lloyds TSB branch in Henley-on-Thames, South Oxon, but instead scrambled to another bank more than 14 miles away in a different county.
Meanwhile, the armed thief walked out of the bank with tens of thousands of pounds.
"It's not us. It was the alarms fault Guv".
Thames Valley Police chiefs said an automatic alarm had sent officers to the branch in Pangbourne, Berks.
Come on. Pull the other leg it's got bells on.
Police are appealing for any information about the robber, who is described as Asian, about 30 years of age and 5ft 8ins tall.
At least they have given up being politically correct by naming the robber's ethnicity.
The whole story is from The Telegraph