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Friday, 10 September 2010

Have they something to hide?

Just watch the vid.

You tell me.

Personally I would hound all 650 out of parliament. After all, most of the statutes originate from the EU now.

H/t to Old Holborn

Because I’m a man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic foodstuffs at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole programme looking for it.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

Accepted uses of the F word

There are only ten times in history when the F-word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

1. "What the f*ck do you mean, we are Sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912.

2. "What the f*ck was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945.

3. "Where did all those f*cking Indians come from?"
-- Gen. Armstrong Custer, 1877.

4. "Any f*cking idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938.

5. "It does so f*cking look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926.

6. "How the f*ck did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 B.C.

7. "You want WHAT on the f*cking ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566.

8. "Where the f*ck am I?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937.

9. "Scattered f*cking showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 B.C.

10. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f*cking mad."
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003.

H/T to anything

Click 1…….

A London primary school has become the first to outsource maths teaching to India.

Pupils at Ashmount Primary in Islington who have fallen behind are given one-to-one tuition over the internet.

Pupils are given a headset and log on to a website where they interact with their tutor 4,000 miles away in India. The service, used by
11-year-olds, costs £12 an hour, compared with the £40 an hour a private tutor would cost in London.

I can just imagine.

Page loads

Followed by:

Page 1 for Algebra, Page 2 for Geometry, Page 3 for Arithmetic, Page 4 to text a maths adviser.

*Clicks on page 1*

Cue Message

Our staff are all busy at the moment, please hold on, we will connect you as soon as a Teacher becomes available.

Cue Lift music.

*Sound of keyboard being hurled across the room*