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Friday, 10 September 2010

Because I’m a man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic foodstuffs at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole programme looking for it.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.


  1. I knew all that already but to be honest, I'm fine with it.

    I love men, just the way they are :)

  2. we cannot be equal as such. Because the sexes are so different. There really is no way to equate the sexes.

    If both sexes were the same, how boring would that be?

    If both sexes thought the same way there would be no romance, no mystery.

  3. Hmmm...
    1) Mrs Bucko can get into a car with a door stop half a pool cue and a shoelace. Shes done it to her own, many times with no damage. Want to know how?

    2) My cars are always old so I still can fix them. Definately the beer though.

    3) I do ring in sick while Mrs Bucko goes to work with the same cold.

    4) WTF is cumin and Tofu and is it next to the frozen curry?

    5) I always take broken stuff apart, look at it, with a beer, put it back together and expect it to work. Sometimes it does!

    6) Cant be arsed with telly. Got all the Star Treks ever made on DVD.

    7) All that but replace sports, tractors and fishing with snooker and Star Trek

    8) Fuckin A!

    9) I pick the films. If Mrs Bucko picks, I go upstairs and play the drums.

    10) I like to saw something and then hoover up next week. Mrs Bucko makes me do the ironing. I have no choice, she's got a good left hook.

  4. Equality will arrive when both sexes stand at the same trough to have a piss.


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