I opened the door and entered the bar………………………..
What met my eye was immaculately laid tables serviced by waiters in Tuxedos, and waitresses in long flowing dresses, serving an elite clientele.
What met my eye was a dark and dingy room with a haphazard arrangement of crudely made tables, populated by, to my naive mind, denizens of the underworld with two heads. Eventually when my eyesight became accustomed to the gloom, I realised that these weren’t two headed creatures, they were just two people of the opposite sex sharing one lap.
I then sidled over to an empty table and sat down, not knowing what the etiquette was in places such as this. Seconds passed before a young lady swooped down on me and said “ You want to drink, big boy”. All I could do was gulp and ask for a beer. (Tiger if you’re interested).
In a flash this vision of delight (If you’ve spent months at sea, a female hippopotamus looks like miss world), produced a pint with the words “50 cents, and you buy me drink”. (I didn’t put a question mark after the last sentence as it appeared to be an order). I didn’t dare refuse. The oriental maiden returned with her rather suspicious looking drink (coloured water) and without a bye your leave, plonked her derriere onto my lap. Imagine what that does to an eighteen year old who’s been away at sea for a while. I can’t understand why she wriggled for so long to get comfortable?
After a while of discoursing about Plato’s theory of the republic and einstein’s theory of relativity she asked me a question that I didn’t know how to answer. Was I a cherry boy? After months in the sun my skin was quite brown, and certainly not cherry coloured, so I just avoided the question.
In the meantime I’d realised that I was having difficulty hearing.Looking through the gloom I suddenly realised that I wasn’t suffering from some sort of ear disease, it was a local group wailing at the end of the bar.
I could go on, but needless to say, after far too many drinks that night, my sensible head took over and I left, never to return. (Till the next night).
Do you want to hear about bands, urine, stairs, and Ladyboys? If so you’ll have to wait a while.