Minimum price for alcohol.

My son drove down to spend the Christmas period with us yesterday.

Against my better judgement, himself and Mrs TFE decided we should nip out to the pub for a drink or two. (TFE, never one to allow drink to escape his lips) I had to reluctantly agree to accompany them.

I have known that for some time that there has been such a thing as a beer duty escalator, but when I bought the first (and only) round, I realised that the pub had found some way of engineering the escalator to approach the speed of light.

I’d ordered two pints of bitter and a glass of Pinot Grigio and pulled out a tenner from my wallet, (The moths had left it alone thank God) and expected the damage to be around the £8 mark.

FFS, you could have knocked me down with a packet of pork scratchings. The till rang up £13.30 (They don’t actually ring up these days, just have a smug smirk).

I know that publicans have been hit by the smoking ban, but surely they’re not going to attract customers in, for that sort of price.

We just had the one drink and left. So Mr Publican, I can get absolutely bladdered on decent whisky at home for the same price. Why do I need you? Your business model is I think, fatally flawed.

Times are hard, therefore customers will adjust their drinking habits to suit.

PS. What about a smoking shelter?

I’m wining again.

No that’s not a typo.

 

Horror In Iran

I can honestly say, I never want to see images like these again.
If they don't bring tears to your eyes, you have no soul.

Their cruelty has no limit !!!

Some of them were 12 years old, some 15;

Some not even that...

 

 

 

 

The BASTARDS!!!

Bloody binge drinkers

Apparently no walk of life is safe from them. Is this man a binge drinker? If it is proved that he is (And I’m not saying for one moment he is), what should our Dear Leader do?

A Labour MP has been suspended from the party after he was arrested following an alleged brawl in a House of Commons bar last night.

Eric Joyce is said to have punched several Tory MPs in the fracas just before 11pm last night. It is reported he also hit a Labour MP.

Stuart Andrew, MP for Pudsey, was reportedly headbutted and punched in the Strangers Bar, a Commons bar reserved for MPs and their guests.

An eyewitness told the Politics Home website that Mr Joyce, a former Army officer who represents Falkirk, pushed a Tory MP and then started punching other Conservative members seated at the back of the bar. Drinks were also allegedly thrown over some bar patrons.

So Mr Cameron. What can you do about it, seeing that you’ve been spouting drivel over the last few days about curbing the habits of the minority in our society?

I have a suggestion for you. Immediately enforce a minimum price for drinks in the House of Commons bar with immediate effect.

Lets just start at £10 per pint, and raise it if this behaviour carries on. Or even better close the bars completely. How many businesses have bars in them anyway? (Unless you’re running a pub of course).

Come on Dave. You know it makes sense. 

How To Appreciate Solitary Drinking

Carrying on from how to avoid Chuggers, I bring you a further pearl of wisdom.

Mrs F E is working late.

 

Many people like to drink alcohol. Some do it for fun, some do it for social reasons and some even (believe it or not) just use it as an excuse to go down the pub and watch the game on the big screen. But there are some who do it alone. Solitary drinking can be a wonderful experience, and the following steps may inspire you (as a sensible drinker) to appreciate the joys of drinking alone.

The Recommended Schedule of Events

• When shopping for indulgences or intellectual matter (eg, the latest Salman Rushdie tome, of which you may have no intention of reading) make an impromptu visit to a cheap back street off-licence and buy two of the following recommended alcoholic drinks: wine (red or white, but not the expensive kind, that's just silly), beer (almost any type will do), vodka (and a mixer if you wish) or gin (if you're feeling especially emotional).

• On returning home, make sure you are alone. This may involve causing a rift between you and your spouse, partner, friends or family so that they leave. All methods are perfectly acceptable, and the resulting self-loathing will benefit you later in the night.

• Commence drinking at roughly 7pm. Do not commence drinking earlier, as this could result in alcohol abuse. If you need to cook in order to eat, this should be done before 7pm to avoid burns and other injuries, but eating while drinking is perfectly acceptable. In fact, it is highly recommended that you consume something you never normally would from the fridge; a 'nantwich' is perfect. Douglas Adams' The Meaning of Liff explains a nantwich as,

  'a late-night snack, invented by the Earl of Nantwich, which consists of the dampest thing in the fridge, pressed between two of the driest things in the fridge. The Earl, who lived in a flat in Clapham, invented the nantwich to avoid having to go shopping'.

• Roughly an hour and-a-half into your drinking session, remove an item of clothing. Trousers are the preference for men, but women fluctuate between garments and changing into sparser, more inappropriate clothing. Men can also indulge in this, but do make sure you definitely are alone. People don't want to see all that hair and saggy bits.

• Watch an educational programme by the BBC. Key presenters of such viewing delights are: Stephen Fry, Richard Attenbourgh, David Attenbourgh, Jeremy Paxman or Michael Palin. Snigger throughout.

• Watch a romantic comedy (something by Richard Curtis is recommended). All forms are acceptable. Men may have to find suitable material in the film collection of a wife, girlfriend or female friend.

• By about 10.30pm, return to a bad habit. Smoking, illicit viewing, mild drug habit, flicking to the dirty bits in novels, cross-dressing, or snooping though the wife/husband's, girlfriend/boyfriend's, or female/male friend's possessions are all popular choices.

• After running out of booze, search for, and consume the bottle of hazelnut liqueur you bought on that French holiday two years ago.

• Embarrass yourself via mobile phone text, email or online community/social networking website.

• Collapse in a front of the television. It is vital that it is left on a channel that will later, when a companion returns, be showing pornography or reality TV.

There, that should help you fill an otherwise uneventful night. Bottoms Up!

I’m slurring my text.

Who pays for these quite useless studies?

Two small drinks a night are enough to make elderly people unsteady on their feet putting them at risk of falls, a study shows.

What a load of Bollocks. This blogger regularly imbibes a few more than that in the evening and hasn’t fallen over yet. (Or trodden on one of those moving trip hazards known as cats).

Oh and just for good measure (No pun intended), they even manage to pull in the drink drive limit into the article.

The moderate amount of alcohol - below the current legal limit for driving - has a dramatic effect on their dexterity.

Then again the researcher is Dutch. Not that it should make any difference. Just thought I’d add that in the interest of EU harmony.

It gets bizarre in my opinion, with this method of testing.

In the study published in BMC Research Notes the volunteers, whose average age was about 62, first started to walk on a treadmill at a steady walking pace

A thin wooden block was placed at the far end of the belt and allowed to move towards the volunteer as Ms Hegeman and her colleagues measured the effects of alcohol on how capable the subjects were of stepping over the obstacle.

I mean come on. How many of you have a treadmill with a little wooden block on it at home? I mean honestly I would be bored shitless after 10 minutes stone cold sober, and would be bound to trip over it.

Oh and look. They’re bringing driving limits back into the equation again.

She said: "We found alcohol levels - considered to be safe for driving - seriously hamper the ability to successfully avoid sudden obstacles in the travel path.

And again.

Ms Hegeman said drinking is a well-established risk factor for traffic accidents so legal limits are set for blood alcohol concentration (BAC) and driving.

I can’t for the life of me think why the drink drive limits should concern me in my home of a night time.

And again. *shakes head*

In general the use of alcohol is primarily seen as a risk factor for driving but one study estimated about 20% of unintentional falls at home in adults may be attributable to the consumption of two or more standard alcoholic drinks in the preceding six hours.

*Dons Tinfoil hat*

Being of a cynical persuasion it looks to me as a type of subliminal message to reinforce the message being put forth by those who want the drink drive limit halved.

* Takes of tinfoil hat, folds it, and carefully puts it away for another day*

uPdAte. WHo left that large block of wOOd on the fluuur? And wher’s my treaDmill?

*hic*

Smokey Drinkies under threat

Leg-Iron beware.

TIME has been called on a phoney pub landlord after planning chiefs demanded his shed-cum-pub is demolished.

However he did go a bit over the top.

Dean Goodearl built a timber, Swiss-style chalet in his back garden in Pimpernel Way, Chatham, and turned it into a bar, complete with drinks optics and beer pumps.

He has now been ordered to remove the chalet, and a fence which separates it from the rest of his garden.

Mr Goodearl, 23, kitted out his 8x6m makeshift pub with a dartboard, plasma TV screen, pool table, glitter disco ball and a one-armed bandit.

It has ornately framed Georgian-style windows and double doors opening onto a wooden veranda, which was complete with a bin especially designed for cigarette butts.

Mind you it is my favourite council’s decision. Medway.

Quiet

 

Since the budget today I haven't heard a squeak out of ASH or Alcohol Concern.

Not only is minimum pricing  not coming in. But shock, horror. NO tax rises on fags and booze.

This may be the quiet before the storm. I expect a whining like the sound of a 1000 vuvulesas in the coming days.

On that note I'm off for a drink and a fag*

*If you are a citizen of the USA. In the Uk, a fag, is slang for a cigarette.

Drinkers guide to looking sober

 

Alcohol drinkers fall into two categories regarding self-consciousness - those who become embarrassed by their drunkenness and those to whom nothing and no one matters as soon as they chuck the first pint of Guinness down their gullets. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to belong to the former category, then here are a few strategies which may or may not make you appear less inebriated than you actually are.

Conversational Tips

• Talk intellectually. This tactic should be attempted only after the consideration of three criteria:

  1. Do I have anything intellectual to talk about? Politics, film directors and books may be acceptable subjects. Whatever you do, don't go over the top - discussions focusing on Aristotelian ethics may make you look like a prat.

  2. Will this be so far removed from my normal style of talking as to make me look even more drunk than I already am? If so, move on.

  3. Can I cope? Here you will have to honestly assess your state of drunkenness, taking into account the stumbling blocks of pronunciation associated with words such as 'conspiratorial,' 'revolutionary,' and 'hullabaloo.'

• When questioned about your level of intoxication, do not reply 'I'm fine. I'm not drunk. See?' - then stand rigid with a blank expression on your face. This rarely works for more than four seconds, at which point giggling begins.

• Don't pester the waitress. It is a well-known fact that waitresses are only pestered by the highly intoxicated. If you leave her alone, you'll seem normal.

• Loudly accusing other parties of drunkenness helps: 'I'm not drunk! You must be drunk.' (It often helps if one is not wearing the lampshade at this point.)

• Be a good listener: occasionally say things to encourage the person talking (who in all likelihood will be drunk as well), like 'Hmmm' or 'yeah, yeah' or 'you're dead right' or 'they're not laughing at you, they're laughing with you.' The bonus of this approach is it works even if you're too drunk to understand what they're saying.

Actions Speak Louder than Slurred Words

• Appear reluctant to dance. If you see dancing as the last resort of the foolhardy and desperate, this may be the right tactic. However, sitting aloof in the corner watching others have fun may not be the best way to go about making friends.

• Appear reluctant to engage in 'childish' pranks and games. This may emphasise your maturity. However, considering that everybody else in your party will have to be pretty far gone to take part in activities like the 'South Park whisky drinking tournament', then it may well be pointless.

• Maintain reasonable eye contact with everyone. This is good if this is your normal behaviour, but liable to make you seem a bit weird if not. If people start to avoid you, stop this.

• Flag down taxis on the way home. This will make you very popular. Just make sure that light on the car's roof isn't a flashing blue one.

• Restrict your toilet visits. Everybody knows that your need to use the lavatory rises exponentially with your drunkenness, so why not make it look as if the sound of flushing water is the furthest thing from your mind. Beware, though, unpleasant smelling puddles under the table will indicate that this plan has backfired.

• Keeping a low profile and not making a noisy a**e out of yourself is a good way to go. The trouble is, this path more often than not leads unavoidably to catatonia.

• Relativity - get everyone else around you more drunk than you are, and you will seem less drunk.

• Avoid performing REM's 'Losing My Religion' as beat poetry - for one Researcher this is an early indicator that they're getting squiffy.

• When you are drunk, people will often suggest that you do things. At the time, these things seem sensible and funny. The following morning they do not. Kids, just say 'No!'.

Don't forget you can still Donate to the Nick Hogan fighting fund.

A propaganda broadcast on behalf of the nanny state

I'm really fed up with the way they are determined to take all pleasure out of living. The latest shite about to be pedaled.

 

Well another single malt is called for. It might ease the pain of watching that crap.

H/T to Dick Puddlecote

Alcohol Focus Scotland.

They've changed their poll now to:

"Should alcoholic drinks show the calorie content on their packaging?"

But the dozy twats have left the original answer from the last poll.



It's here.

Alcohol concern. Mine.

I read today that the conservatives are also going down the populist line of minimum pricing for alcohol.

Mr Grayling told delegates that many city centres had become "battle zones" for police due to drink-fuelled violence and anti-social behaviour.

Comes down to making the "Many" suffer for the follies of the "few".

Plans announced included:

• Raising the price of a four-pack of super strength lager by £1.33 and more than double the tax on super strength cider
• Increasing the price of large bottles of "alco-pops" by £1.50
• Banning supermarkets from selling alcohol at below cost price
• Introducing bigger fines for those caught selling to children. Repeat offenders could have their premises closed for several days.
• Making "late night, problem premises" pay more for their alcohol licences to help cover the cost of policing.

If I was going to vote for them, then I'm not now. I've had enough of this nannying by the state.

Sir John Stanley: You've lost my vote.

Read the whole bloody article here.

Lets have higher drink prices. (NOT)

"Alcohol focus Scotland", has a poll asking us to vote Yes or No to the proposition “Cheap alcohol is damaging health and society. I support minimum pricing.”

You know it makes sense.

Go over here and fuck up their poll by voting NO. 66% have already.

H/T to Red Nev & the Pub curmudgeon

Binge drinking?

Just been pointed to an article in the Times back in late 2007 relating to safe levels of drinking.

The Times reveals today that the recommended weekly drinking limits of 21 units of alcohol for men and 14 for women, first introduced in 1987 and still in use today, had no firm scientific basis whatsoever.

That's the bad news. But then comes this:

Subsequent studies found evidence which suggested that the safety limits should be raised, but they were ignored by a succession of health ministers.

Gets even better:

One found that men drinking between 21 and 30 units of alcohol a week had the lowest mortality rate in Britain. Another concluded that a man would have to drink 63 units a week, or a bottle of wine a day, to face the same risk of death as a teetotaller.

Well that's me out to the Offie to stock up then.

It looks like the bansturbators have been running with this for some time, as the end of the article comes up with this gem:

In a further attack on Britain’s drinkers, it was revealed yesterday that a coalition of health organisations is mounting a campaign to force a 10 per cent increase in alcohol taxation.

The group, headed by the Royal College of Physicians, is also seeking to secure the support of MPs for stricter regulation of the drinks industry and warnings on alcohol advertising. A total of 21 bodies, including Alcohol Concern and the British Liver Trust, will form the Alcohol Health Alliance, according to Harpers Wine and Spirit magazine.

Nazis

Smoking on HM ships

I've just read about another NHS trust about to ban smoking in their grounds. (our grounds)

I just thought you might like to hear what the regulations in my outfit are. If you bear in mind that that I spend nearly eight months of the year on one of our grey painted ships, you would think that the rules had some sense. you would be wrong.

The first restriction was no smoking in the bar if we were having a casual pub lunch. (Now renamed officers casual meal to appease the Alcohol police).

After a short period it became no smoking at all in the bar.

Of course at this time I was allowed to smoke in my cabin, so I could always nip in there for a puff. Considering it is my primary residence throught the year you would think this would be left as it was.

Oh no, think of the poor steward who has to clean my cabin. You can see where I'm going now.

The long and short of it is that now I have to go down four decks, 200 metres aft (backend of the ship, for those not of a nautical persuasion), then down one deck, further aft. Finally I have reached the designated smoking area.

I now find myself on a cold, barely lit deck, maybe with a force ten gale in progress with the ship doing the most unspeakable movements.

The one heartening thing is that all those smokers, of what ever rank, are by far and the best, you will meet.

This is where in the not too distant future, the H & S brigade will have to come to terms with a death on their hands, when some poor sod in atrocious weather falls and breaks their neck.

I hope they get crucified in the courts.

just as an aside, Alcohol is next.