Twas the night before Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Hazadous liquid.

On reaching into the cupboard under the sink for some washing up liquid, what do I find?

Have a guess.

You guessed wrong.

Why should half a bottle of red wine be there?

Mrs FE was at a loss to explain. Mind you the glazed eyes gave it away, along with the slurred speech.

Women!

Thought for the day.

I’d prefer it referred to whiskey. Still, it’s the thought that counts.

I’m wining again.

No that’s not a typo.

 

Health Information

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many
people as you feel may benefit!

Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz ..............

H/T to Theo

Let’s go to Scotland for our booze.

The law of unintended consequences strikes the Righteous.

A loophole in a new law to curb binge drinking could see wine lovers heading to Scotland for bargain booze.

They really didn’t think it through did they?

Customers are expected to take advantage of the recent Alcohol Scotland Act, which stops two-for-one deals and discounts on wine bought in bulk.
It means chains like Majestic, which only sells in bulk, must now sell individual bottles of wine at the lower multiple-buy price available in England.

And even if they close that loophole, there’s still this.

The day before the law came into effect, Tesco told Scottish customers they could still benefit from online wine deals – as  orders were sent from Daventry, England.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Full story here

It’s fun to be ill

Yes, !!!!! Every home should have a well-stocked medicine cabinet.

How's this for a Medicine Cabinet…….

Disease	Wine	Daily dose
Allergies	Médoc	1 glass
Anaemia	Graves	4 glass
Bronchitis	Bourgogne or Bordeaux > ( + sugar and cinnamon )	3 cups
Constipation	Anjou blanc electricity . Vouvray	4 glass
Coronary arteries	Dry   Champagne	4 glass
Diarrhoea	Beaujolais Nouveau	4 glass
Fever	Champagne sec	1 bottle
Heart	Burgundy , Santenay Rouge	Two glass
Uric acid gout	Sancerre , Pouilly Fume	4 glass
Hypertension	Alsace , Sancerre	4 glass
Menopause	Saint Emilion	4 glass
Depression	Médoc	4 glass
Obesity	Burgundy	4 glass
Obesity	Rosé de Provence	1 bottle
Rheumatism	Champagne	4 glass
Excessive weight loss	Côte de Beaune	4 glass

Works for me.

How To Appreciate Solitary Drinking

Carrying on from how to avoid Chuggers, I bring you a further pearl of wisdom.

Mrs F E is working late.

 

Many people like to drink alcohol. Some do it for fun, some do it for social reasons and some even (believe it or not) just use it as an excuse to go down the pub and watch the game on the big screen. But there are some who do it alone. Solitary drinking can be a wonderful experience, and the following steps may inspire you (as a sensible drinker) to appreciate the joys of drinking alone.

The Recommended Schedule of Events

• When shopping for indulgences or intellectual matter (eg, the latest Salman Rushdie tome, of which you may have no intention of reading) make an impromptu visit to a cheap back street off-licence and buy two of the following recommended alcoholic drinks: wine (red or white, but not the expensive kind, that's just silly), beer (almost any type will do), vodka (and a mixer if you wish) or gin (if you're feeling especially emotional).

• On returning home, make sure you are alone. This may involve causing a rift between you and your spouse, partner, friends or family so that they leave. All methods are perfectly acceptable, and the resulting self-loathing will benefit you later in the night.

• Commence drinking at roughly 7pm. Do not commence drinking earlier, as this could result in alcohol abuse. If you need to cook in order to eat, this should be done before 7pm to avoid burns and other injuries, but eating while drinking is perfectly acceptable. In fact, it is highly recommended that you consume something you never normally would from the fridge; a 'nantwich' is perfect. Douglas Adams' The Meaning of Liff explains a nantwich as,

  'a late-night snack, invented by the Earl of Nantwich, which consists of the dampest thing in the fridge, pressed between two of the driest things in the fridge. The Earl, who lived in a flat in Clapham, invented the nantwich to avoid having to go shopping'.

• Roughly an hour and-a-half into your drinking session, remove an item of clothing. Trousers are the preference for men, but women fluctuate between garments and changing into sparser, more inappropriate clothing. Men can also indulge in this, but do make sure you definitely are alone. People don't want to see all that hair and saggy bits.

• Watch an educational programme by the BBC. Key presenters of such viewing delights are: Stephen Fry, Richard Attenbourgh, David Attenbourgh, Jeremy Paxman or Michael Palin. Snigger throughout.

• Watch a romantic comedy (something by Richard Curtis is recommended). All forms are acceptable. Men may have to find suitable material in the film collection of a wife, girlfriend or female friend.

• By about 10.30pm, return to a bad habit. Smoking, illicit viewing, mild drug habit, flicking to the dirty bits in novels, cross-dressing, or snooping though the wife/husband's, girlfriend/boyfriend's, or female/male friend's possessions are all popular choices.

• After running out of booze, search for, and consume the bottle of hazelnut liqueur you bought on that French holiday two years ago.

• Embarrass yourself via mobile phone text, email or online community/social networking website.

• Collapse in a front of the television. It is vital that it is left on a channel that will later, when a companion returns, be showing pornography or reality TV.

There, that should help you fill an otherwise uneventful night. Bottoms Up!

Wine on tap. Tap tap your keyboard

I really need one of these at the moment

USB Wine, telechargez vos vins en direct des domaines !
by zs2creative

I'm an executor to a will and find I'm having to be referree between two beneficiaries. I don't need this shit. Oh well, cest la vie, as the french would say.

This is good news

Champagne could fall to £10 a bottle due to the reccession.

Experts predict the cost of some vintage champagnes could fall as low as £10 in time for Christmas.

But champagne lovers should cash in while they can. French authorities have ruled that next year's harvest will be almost halved, leading to fewer bottles produced to push up prices.

At least the cost of the next Conservative conference will be kept down.

Bloody BMA.

I know everyone else is ahead of me on this one, but I needed to have my say.

I've just been reading their report and consider that is most definitely a temperance movement in all by name.

Changing these excessively pro-alcohol social norms cannot be achieved by targeting irresponsible drinkers alone. We all have an obligation to balance our collective relationship with alcohol. This does not mean that we should all become abstainers. Many human behaviours carry risk and this commonly adds to their appeal; these risks need to be properly understood and appropriate precautions taken. As the World Health Organisation (WHO) reminds us, alcohol is no ordinary commodity, but a toxic and addictive drug that should be carefully regulated and controlled. Strong
measures are required at a population level to eliminate the unhealthy cues and prompts that serve to encourage alcohol consumption. By far the most important of these is the marketing and promotion of alcohol. At the same time, the choice to abstain from alcohol use should be supported as a viable
and acceptable option.

It's that last line that gives it away.

And this, Here they want to control us like lab rats:

In the case of young people, selective targeting is also likely to make alcohol more attractive by reinforcing its forbidden and adult nature – and smack of double standards. As with tobacco control policies, reducing alcohol-related harm in the UK requires a comprehensive strategy that promotes individual behaviour change across society as a whole and seeks to remove or mitigate the unhealthy and unhelpful influences on that behaviour (Berridge 2007).

More control:

As the leading professional organisation representing doctors in the UK, the BMA aims to promote the development and implementation of comprehensive alcohol control policies.

Of course, think of the children is there as well:

The frequency of heavy drinking by the mother is also associated with the occurrence of a range of completely preventable mental and physical birth defects

Naturally people are drinking more at home. Remember the smoking ban:

Recent years have seen an increasing trend among UK adults toward home-based alcohol consumption.

They still won't admit it:

This trend toward home-based alcohol consumption most likely reflects the lower cost of alcohol in off-licences compared to licensed premises in the UK.

And of course take no notice of studies that don't match the crusade:

Early attempts to measure the impact of alcohol advertising on young people relied on econometric studies,l mostly conducted in the 1980s and 1990s. These examined the correlation between the amount of advertising taking place in a particular jurisdiction (typically in terms of expenditure) and the amount of alcohol being consumed (typically in terms of sales). With one notable exception (Saffer & Chaloupka 2000), these have found little or no evidence of advertising influencing young people, which has led one author to describe the effects as ‘barely measurable’ (Duffy 1989). The fact that they are difficult to measure, however, does not mean that they are minimal or do not exist; it may just reflect inadequate research methods.

I could go on but I won't. If you want to read it all. It's here

Whisky galore

I see that the Scottish parliament want to raise the price of booze to prevent too much drinking. They might as well piss into the wind as most drink loving Scots that I know, will grin and bear it, and carry on. Why are they going to punish the whole population for the fault of the few?
Once they've as always tested it out on the Scots (remember they had the smoking ban first), then it'll be the turn of the English and the Welsh.

They might do well to remember that there will be an election and would do well to bear that in mind before they get carried away in their own self importance.

As someone else has bagged the franchise rights to start up an alcohol superstore in Berwick-on Tweed, I'm requistioning the right to set up in Gretna.

USB Wine, telechargez vos vins en direct des domaines !
by zs2creative

When are we going to be rid of this sanctimonious drivel? The Brown Broadcasting Company ran it as their top story this evening. We will need a dram or two to get through the next few years.

Sorry about the vid.