Sunday prayer

Thought for the day.

 

Aussies and beer.

If only this happened to me.

Beer as an investment.

 

Did you know?

Today is……….

International Beer Day.

Apparently.

How to open a beer.

Public service announcement.

NB. The author of this post takes no responsibility for any loss of body parts whilst carrying out some of these suggestions.

Beer and the budget

Much has made of the fact that the chancellor has cut beer duty by a penny per pint.

FFS. Around my way a pint is around £3.20. A penny means bugger all.

Why do they bother with these meaningless gestures?

Now if it had been £1, then I would celebrate. Meanwhile the pubs will have to do without my custom.

MPG

 

Want cold beer quicker?

Just follow the instructions below.

How does that work you may say?

Simples. Salt lowers the freezing point of water. Normally water freezes at 0 celsius. The addition of salt will lower the temperature at which water freezes so that the salt water solution is still a liquid below 0 celsius. This effect will work for several degrees below the normal freezing point of water. So, this is why you put salt on your driveway in winter and the ice will melt, because the freezing point has been lowered.

Have a little drink on me.

Is this what the Nu puritans hope for in the future?

In praise of beer.

Sun, beer, culture, and disorder.

Mrs FE and myself touched down safely in Madrid early on Monday morning. having looked at all the options of getting to our hotel (Westin Palace), we decided to catch a ride on the Metro. On emerging from the final stop with blinking eyes from the bright sunlight we were met with a strange but worrying sight. There were Police and Police vans everywhere you looked. (In the UK you are lucky to see one let alone hundreds). After a few seconds we realised why. There were thousands of Spaniards coming down the road behind us. At first I thought that somehow my Spanish readers had got word of my trip and were coming to meet me. However one look at the signs they were carrying made me think that a lynching of this blogger might be their real aim. The placards all had one word on them. NO.

Anyhow Mrs FE and myself, decided we’d best scuttle off (Best describes the action of a person with a small wheelie case) in the direction of our hotel. Worryingly it soon became apparent that where we went, the mob seemed to follow. As we approached the road in which our hotel was situated we noticed that the police presence was increasing by leaps and bounds and we redoubled our efforts to obtain sanctuary in our monastery Hotel.

This was not to be. With a baying mob on our heels we arrived at the hotel’s road to be confronted with metal barriers and three lines of police in riot gear blocking the thoroughfare. Ooh err. Unfortunately my Spanish is only good for Hallo (Hola), Two beers please (Dos cervesa pour favor), and thankyou (Gracias), so needless to say the police didn’t want to lets us through. (Did they think we were some activist fifth column? You tell me?).

Of course Mrs FE, being fairly organised, managed to produce from her Portmanteau handbag, a map of the area, and we found a back route which would take us to the entrance of the hotel. Luck was now on our side as the back was only lightly defended by the police and we managed to blag our way through the barricades and finally checked into the hotel.

After we checked in we nipped outside to see what was going on. The demonstrators were doing their best to pull down the barriers but were dissuaded from doing so by the occasional baton strike from the odd annoyed member of the Policia.

Anyway we got bored with this and decided to head of into various areas to see what the city was like.

One thing we never found out that day was why had that street been targeted?

Do you want to know why? Do you want to know what happened on day two?

You tell me, and I’ll tell you the cost of cigarettes and how much, two gin and tonics and two large whiskeys cost me in the hotel bar.

The Power of Beer

A man goes into a bar and drinks beer.  After every glass of beer he pulls a picture out of his pocket and looks at it. After the 4th  beer the waiter asks him why after every glass of  beer he pulls the picture out and looks at it.

Then the man says:  "It's a picture of my wife. When she looks good to me I'm going home."

That is an example of the "The Power of Beer"  Be sure to click where it says "click here" (That's the neat part.)

Beer goggles - click here

Nice one.

Some enterprising publican.

Woman

Just thoughts of an old marine engineer in these troubling times.  reassurance.

 

 

Woman is a man's best friend.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels that he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

 

 

No wait...... sorry...... I'm thinking of beer. Bugger.

 

 

Its beer that does all that.

Sorry.

Beer Study!!

This will get you worried!! Even I can conduct scientific studies using the same as methodology as Alcohol concern.

 

Beer contains female hormones.

Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

 

 

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :

 

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologise when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Do I get a Nobel Prize for this?

Economical Brits

A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a
year.

Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of
alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be British, doesn't it?

Engineering as it used to be. Part 6

Next time on Lost Fe’s adventures at sea will be Sembewang, voyage on a destroyer, a broken light bulb (You think I’m joking. Oh No), Japan, and  Ladies of the night, and Portland harbour.

Oh right that’s where I was.

To cut a long story short, (Ninety days on the Beira patrol is not short, believe you me), we finally sailed for Singapore. To say that we didn’t pull the stops out is and understatement. The extra nozzles were opened to the turbine and all fires introduced into the boilers, propelling us along at 23 knots. (A Knot is a nautical mile per hour. A nautical mile is 1 minute of arc, on a great circle on the earth, just in case you’re interested*).

After that mad dash across the Indian Ocean we arrived at JSB. To the uninitiated that stands for “Johore straits buoy” and stands at the lower part of Singapore island. Here we picked up a pilot to guide us  round the shallow bits. Eventually we were tied up in the naval base and shore leave was granted.

Right. Where to go? Now of course it could be into the village and the seedy side of life, or. Or nothing, it’s the village of course. What hot bloodied teenager would pass up that option? 

Just to set the scene.

Sembawang village consisted of a mixture of shops (Cheap), food stalls(Cheap), and Knocking shops bars. Obviously the first port of call was a knocking shop food stall for something to eat.

The food at the stalls was a mixture of Chinese and Malay and, my God was it good. As one that had existed on my mother’s food (God rest her soul), this was heaven. It didn’t even matter that the tables were next to what looked like an open sewer(Actually a monsoon storm drain), the food was nectar from the Gods.

That’s enough about food. What’s more important than cheap beer and cheap women? Nothing that I know of. When you think that the exchange rate was eight dollars to the pound and beer was fifty cents for a pint of Tiger, then you can imagine that paradise had arrived.

Now imagine that you were on a strip that had fifty percent of it’s properties as bars then you’re talking my kind of place. (Well not now of course).

Time to open the door to that world of beer, debauchery, and music.

Well. Maybe next time.

* Spot the oddity in this post

Why Beer is good for you

All these famous people can’t be wrong

BEER  - The source of life

 

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. 
When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
                                Lyndon B. Johnson
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
                                Paul Horning
                                ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.  Coincidence?  I think not."
                                H. L.. Mencken
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we drink, we get drunk.

When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.

So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
                                George Bernard Shaw
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
                                Benjamin Franklin
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,

but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
                                Dave Barry
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E," except in
Budweiser.
                                Professor Irwin Corey
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group  -Salvation in a can!
                                Leo Durocher
                                ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. 

Then I look into the glass and think about the
workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.

If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work

and their dreams would be shattered.

I think, It is better to drink this beer and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
                                Babe Ruth
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
                                W. C. Fields
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drinkers Fault - Finding Guide

SYMPTOM	FAULT	ACTION TO BE TAKEN
Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front wet.	Mouth not open whilst drinking. Or Glass being applied to wrong part of face.	Buy another pint and practise in front of mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.	Glass empty	Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Feet cold and wet.	Glass being held at incorrect angle.	Turn glass the other way up so that the open end is pointing towards the ceiling.
Feet warm and wet	Loss of self control	Go and stand next to the nearest dog - After a while complain to it's owner about it's lack of house training and demand a pint in compensation.
Bar blurred	You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass	Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Bar swaying	Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.	Insert a broom handle down back of jacket.
Bar moving	You are being carried out	Find out if you are being taken to another pub. If not, complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
You notice that the wall opposite is covered with ceiling tiles, and has a fluorescent light strip across it.	You have fallen over backwards.	If glass is still full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you up and lash yourself to the bar.
Everything has gone dim, and you have a mouthful of dog-ends and teeth.	You have fallen over forwards.	As for falling over backwards.
You have woken up to find your bed hard cold and wet.	You have spent the night in the gutter.	Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie-in.
Everything has gone dark.	The pub is closing	Panic!!!