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Thursday, 5 February 2009

Smoking on HM ships

I've just read about another NHS trust about to ban smoking in their grounds. (our grounds)

I just thought you might like to hear what the regulations in my outfit are. If you bear in mind that that I spend nearly eight months of the year on one of our grey painted ships, you would think that the rules had some sense. you would be wrong.

The first restriction was no smoking in the bar if we were having a casual pub lunch. (Now renamed officers casual meal to appease the Alcohol police).

After a short period it became no smoking at all in the bar.

Of course at this time I was allowed to smoke in my cabin, so I could always nip in there for a puff. Considering it is my primary residence throught the year you would think this would be left as it was.

Oh no, think of the poor steward who has to clean my cabin. You can see where I'm going now.

The long and short of it is that now I have to go down four decks, 200 metres aft (backend of the ship, for those not of a nautical persuasion), then down one deck, further aft. Finally I have reached the designated smoking area.

I now find myself on a cold, barely lit deck, maybe with a force ten gale in progress with the ship doing the most unspeakable movements.

The one heartening thing is that all those smokers, of what ever rank, are by far and the best, you will meet.

This is where in the not too distant future, the H & S brigade will have to come to terms with a death on their hands, when some poor sod in atrocious weather falls and breaks their neck.

I hope they get crucified in the courts.

just as an aside, Alcohol is next.

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