Just watch the vid.
You tell me.
Personally I would hound all 650 out of parliament. After all, most of the statutes originate from the EU now.
H/t to Old Holborn
Friday, 10 September 2010
Because I’m a man
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic foodstuffs at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole programme looking for it.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Accepted uses of the F word
There are only ten times in history when the F-word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:
1. "What the f*ck do you mean, we are Sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912.
2. "What the f*ck was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945.
3. "Where did all those f*cking Indians come from?"
-- Gen. Armstrong Custer, 1877.
4. "Any f*cking idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938.
5. "It does so f*cking look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926.
6. "How the f*ck did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 B.C.
7. "You want WHAT on the f*cking ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566.
8. "Where the f*ck am I?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937.
9. "Scattered f*cking showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 B.C.
10. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f*cking mad."
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003.
H/T to anything
Click 1…….
A London primary school has become the first to outsource maths teaching to India.
Pupils at Ashmount Primary in Islington who have fallen behind are given one-to-one tuition over the internet.
Pupils are given a headset and log on to a website where they interact with their tutor 4,000 miles away in India. The service, used by
11-year-olds, costs £12 an hour, compared with the £40 an hour a private tutor would cost in London.
I can just imagine.
Page loads
Followed by:
Page 1 for Algebra, Page 2 for Geometry, Page 3 for Arithmetic, Page 4 to text a maths adviser.
*Clicks on page 1*
Cue Message
Our staff are all busy at the moment, please hold on, we will connect you as soon as a Teacher becomes available.
Cue Lift music.
*Sound of keyboard being hurled across the room*
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Winner
A lot of screaming from the sitting room. It was the idiot box.
The Queen Vic has blown up.*
Hurrah. Result
* For the benefit of my overseas visitor. It is a pub in a too long running TV soap.
Book burning
Much has been blogged about the Pastor in Florida who is going to burn the Q’uran.
Personally I couldn’t care less if they burnt every religious book in existence. If those of a religious persuasion have to revere layers of processed wood to bolster their faith, then that says a lot for their faith.
I’m off to buy Saint Blair’s book and publish on the web, that I will be burning it on Saturday.
And THIS is worth reading at Catosays
I didn’t expect anything else
I’ve just received a reply from Medway plod concerning the letter I wrote concerning the Hitler Youth students from the Hundreds of Hoo school in Medway, about their “Ciggy busters” stunt.
It’s what I was expecting. Absolutely nothing. If the students had been ripping burkhas of muslims, I expect dear Margherita would be in the dock in the Old Bailey by now.
As received, below.
Dear Mr. Filthy Engineer
The Medway Hate crime unit have spoken to Margherita Gramegan at length about the issues that you have outlined. It has been explained that the project has offended several people.
She has taken on board what has been said, and will be more mindful in the future.
Should you have any further queries then please don't hesitate to contact me.
Yours Sincerely
Sallie Baisley
DS 10142 Baisley
Footnote:
They really should proof read their mail before sending.
From the original reply. "A Betty* Medway, should read, “A better Medway”. (I wonder who Betty is?).
Sallie can’t even spell the miscreant’s name right. It’s Gramegna, not Gramegan.
Pah
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
It’s now a fact. I am an idiot.
Test for Idiocy
Below are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Ready? GO!!!
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
Absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second! Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
But don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this, are you?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
....Maybe.
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! Name of the fifth daughter?
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!
Multi Quangocrat fired over Election Fiasco.
It’s about time they fired this lefty “Quangoqueen”.
Jenny Watson is to be told by ministers her tenure as a board member of the Audit Commission, the local authority spending watchdog, will not be renewed.
Mind you they should have sacked her from her day job as well.
The 46-year-old, who was dubbed the 'Modern Militant' thanks to her work at a string of quangos under Labour, earns £100,000 a year as head of the elections watchdog, the Electoral Commission.
It would seem that she is a a leader in her field at sucking on the public teat. She certainly has it down to a fine art.
Electoral Commission
Audit Commission
Bin quango “Wrap”
Equal opportunity’s commission.
Victim Support
The Fawcett Society.
She’s certainly got around.
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