Woman

Just thoughts of an old marine engineer in these troubling times.  reassurance.

 

 

Woman is a man's best friend.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels that he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

 

 

No wait...... sorry...... I'm thinking of beer. Bugger.

 

 

Its beer that does all that.

Sorry.

Alternative computer repair

You don’t even need a screwdriver.

Much loved by those of the green persuasion

Text message

Another one of those pesky text messages.

Records passed to us show you are entitled to a refund of approximately £2370 in compensation from the mis-selling of PPI on your credit card or Loan. Reply PPI.

My erudite reply, bearing in mind that the keys, P & I seem to be broken on my phone, was………..

 

 

 

 

B-O-L-L-O-C-K-S

Worry?

Worried about losing your job?

Worried about the fall of the value of your savings due to inflation?

Worried about your investments dropping through the stock market floor?

Worried that you can’t afford to heat your home this winter, AND eat?

Worried that you’re going to fry due to Global Warming? (No actually. I just put that in to placate the warmists).

Worried that the nation can’t defend itself due to the defence cuts?

These pale into insignificance if you’re the PRIME MINISTER of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE FROM PLASTIC BAGS, FFS.

Britain’s biggest supermarkets are today given an ultimatum by the Prime Minister: Radically reduce  the number of plastic bags you hand out by choice, or I will force you to by law.

I was going to call him an idiot, but that would be a slur on idiots. He is below idiot level. (Is a cretin lower than an idiot?)

The Prime Minister says it is ‘unacceptable’ that the number of single-use carrier bags rose last year by 333million – a 5 per cent increase from the previous year. Environmental campaigners say the bags, used for only 20 minutes on average, take up to 1,000 years to degrade.

Well I for one, applaud the carrier bag manufacturers for increasing their sales by 5%. I sure other businesses would love that growth.

Who says that carrier bags are only used once? Where do they get those figures? I for one use the same carrier bag many times whilst trudging up to the local shop to replenish the whisky stocks. (Without which, this post would not be written. You can’t really believe the drivel I write on this blog can be done sober, can you?).

Who knows that they can last 1,000 years? Are there teams of archaeologists digging up old Roman carrier bags, whilst we speak? When is the exhibition going to be held in the British museum? Are we going to see a 500 year old plastic bag going for mega bucks on the antiques road show?

Mr Camermong. You should be trying to run the country, not sucking up to the Daily Mail, and trying to garner votes from those of a so called green persuasion.

TWAT.

* Trudges of into the other room to pour out another whisky*

What the papers say

True Reports from British life ........!!!

BRITISH NEWSPAPERS

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.'
(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
( Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -
'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''
( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

Mmmmmm. What else can I find?

Peter Oborne on “That Idiot from Brussels”

You can watch a short clip here.

Or you can see the whole thing here at Newsnight.

Delingpole

Describing in a reasoned way, why he considers the whole AGW debate to be a political ideology.

He Blogs at The Daily Telegraph.

Engineering Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3..Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4.. Law of Random Numbers- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre..

6.. Variation Law - If you change  traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7..Law of the Bath- When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8..Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9..Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11..Law of the Theatre-  At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance is over. The people in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. . The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

My Law- If I write a blog post on a subject, someone will always write a better article about it on their blog

The new face of evil

This woman is going to drive millions into poverty just when we need to get  out of the hole we are in.

Of course she has a science background. No I thought not.

She was born and grew up in Wales,^[3] and graduated in English literature at Queens' College,

And of course as I would expect she has no real idea of the real world. This is her CV.

In the mid 1990s, she worked for an environmental charity, and by 2000 had moved to work for Friends of the Earth as a climate change campaigner. She then worked for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, implementing public awareness campaigns and helping draft the Climate Change Bill, before becoming head of government relations for the energy company, Scottish and Southern Energy. She left to form Sandbag in 2008.[5]

I find the next, truly disgusting. Our newly elected PM sucked up to this woman just to try and gain party dominance in elections.

But, then something changed, we then had a newly elected leader of the opposition. So David Cameron came in and wanted to reinvent the Conservative Party. And he decided to take an environmental theme. He changed the logo to a tree and he’d obviously listened to the focus groups. He’d realised that the environment was actually an issue for the electorate. So he was lobbied by the Friends of the Earth and he said, “Yeah, I’ll deliver you a Climate Change Act. If you vote me in I’ll give you the bill you want that will bring in this legal framework.” And that was hugely important, that Friends of the Earth campaign that enabled that got the opposition to take up this policy was really important.

I’ll now let you watch the video in peace. If you have the stomach to watch propaganda at work.

If you want to instead read the entire transcript, nip over to Bishop Hill

Beware of Greeks with Trojan Horses