Friday, 6 February 2009
We need him here
I worry that we have no-one of any stature in british politics today that could conceivably approach this man. we are fucked.
H/T to Old Holborn for this
That apology
Jeremy Clarkson has apologised! Mind you what an apology.
The text is reproduced here:
"In the heat of the moment I made a remark about the prime minister's personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise."
Nothing denying that Gordon was not Scottish, nor an idiot
The text is reproduced here:
"In the heat of the moment I made a remark about the prime minister's personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise."
Nothing denying that Gordon was not Scottish, nor an idiot
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Makes me see red
Just a quickee.
Why do all those ranting nulabour websites seem to think that they have to have everything in bright red?
Why do all those ranting nulabour websites seem to think that they have to have everything in bright red?
Smoking on HM ships
I've just read about another NHS trust about to ban smoking in their grounds. (our grounds)
I just thought you might like to hear what the regulations in my outfit are. If you bear in mind that that I spend nearly eight months of the year on one of our grey painted ships, you would think that the rules had some sense. you would be wrong.
The first restriction was no smoking in the bar if we were having a casual pub lunch. (Now renamed officers casual meal to appease the Alcohol police).
After a short period it became no smoking at all in the bar.
Of course at this time I was allowed to smoke in my cabin, so I could always nip in there for a puff. Considering it is my primary residence throught the year you would think this would be left as it was.
Oh no, think of the poor steward who has to clean my cabin. You can see where I'm going now.
The long and short of it is that now I have to go down four decks, 200 metres aft (backend of the ship, for those not of a nautical persuasion), then down one deck, further aft. Finally I have reached the designated smoking area.
I now find myself on a cold, barely lit deck, maybe with a force ten gale in progress with the ship doing the most unspeakable movements.
The one heartening thing is that all those smokers, of what ever rank, are by far and the best, you will meet.
This is where in the not too distant future, the H & S brigade will have to come to terms with a death on their hands, when some poor sod in atrocious weather falls and breaks their neck.
I hope they get crucified in the courts.
just as an aside, Alcohol is next.
I just thought you might like to hear what the regulations in my outfit are. If you bear in mind that that I spend nearly eight months of the year on one of our grey painted ships, you would think that the rules had some sense. you would be wrong.
The first restriction was no smoking in the bar if we were having a casual pub lunch. (Now renamed officers casual meal to appease the Alcohol police).
After a short period it became no smoking at all in the bar.
Of course at this time I was allowed to smoke in my cabin, so I could always nip in there for a puff. Considering it is my primary residence throught the year you would think this would be left as it was.
Oh no, think of the poor steward who has to clean my cabin. You can see where I'm going now.
The long and short of it is that now I have to go down four decks, 200 metres aft (backend of the ship, for those not of a nautical persuasion), then down one deck, further aft. Finally I have reached the designated smoking area.
I now find myself on a cold, barely lit deck, maybe with a force ten gale in progress with the ship doing the most unspeakable movements.
The one heartening thing is that all those smokers, of what ever rank, are by far and the best, you will meet.
This is where in the not too distant future, the H & S brigade will have to come to terms with a death on their hands, when some poor sod in atrocious weather falls and breaks their neck.
I hope they get crucified in the courts.
just as an aside, Alcohol is next.
Golliwog
Just a snippet of interest
Other meanings and In Popular Culture
* "Golliwog" was World War II British naval slang for a Gauloise cigarette, which had tobacco that was nearly black in colour.
* The American rock group Creedence Clearwater Revival was known as "The Golliwogs" and under this name they released a number of singles on the Fantasy label before they rose to prominence. Golliwog is also a Slovenian punkrock/hardcore band.
* In unofficial military parlance of some countries which has become less common nowadays, the term "golliwog" was used to indicate a piece of equipment that has been tuned, upgraded, and possibly customised to the point where it is no longer similar to the stock item it started as. The term stems from the fact that although the Golliwog itself was black – its standard form was featureless in a sense – it was always represented as decorated smartly with, for example, ribbons and bows. It could be said to be found always dressed up in finery; no Golliwog was ever seen dressed conservatively.
* The sixth movement of Claude Debussy's Children's Corner is titled "Golliwogg's Cakewalk", inspired by the American dance.
* Golliwog is the former name of a popular line of cocoa biscuits in Australia. First released in the 1960s, they were renamed by manufacturer Arnott's in the mid-1990s and are now sold under the name of "Scalliwag".
* Golliwog is a solo-single by ABBA member Agnetha Fältskog from 1974.
* "I Feel Like A Wog" is a song by The Stranglers from their 1977 album "No More Heroes".
* Contortion; In a rag doll or golliwog act, one or two assistants bend, shake and carry the contortionist in such a way as to convince the audience that the disguised performer is actually a limp, life-sized doll. The act usually ends by stuffing the doll into a small box, after which the performer gets out and takes off the costume.
* Golliwogg is featured in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as the pilot of an interdimensional ship, along with the Dutch dolls. Golliwogg is said to be a creature made of dark matter in the book.
Other meanings and In Popular Culture
* "Golliwog" was World War II British naval slang for a Gauloise cigarette, which had tobacco that was nearly black in colour.
* The American rock group Creedence Clearwater Revival was known as "The Golliwogs" and under this name they released a number of singles on the Fantasy label before they rose to prominence. Golliwog is also a Slovenian punkrock/hardcore band.
* In unofficial military parlance of some countries which has become less common nowadays, the term "golliwog" was used to indicate a piece of equipment that has been tuned, upgraded, and possibly customised to the point where it is no longer similar to the stock item it started as. The term stems from the fact that although the Golliwog itself was black – its standard form was featureless in a sense – it was always represented as decorated smartly with, for example, ribbons and bows. It could be said to be found always dressed up in finery; no Golliwog was ever seen dressed conservatively.
* The sixth movement of Claude Debussy's Children's Corner is titled "Golliwogg's Cakewalk", inspired by the American dance.
* Golliwog is the former name of a popular line of cocoa biscuits in Australia. First released in the 1960s, they were renamed by manufacturer Arnott's in the mid-1990s and are now sold under the name of "Scalliwag".
* Golliwog is a solo-single by ABBA member Agnetha Fältskog from 1974.
* "I Feel Like A Wog" is a song by The Stranglers from their 1977 album "No More Heroes".
* Contortion; In a rag doll or golliwog act, one or two assistants bend, shake and carry the contortionist in such a way as to convince the audience that the disguised performer is actually a limp, life-sized doll. The act usually ends by stuffing the doll into a small box, after which the performer gets out and takes off the costume.
* Golliwogg is featured in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as the pilot of an interdimensional ship, along with the Dutch dolls. Golliwogg is said to be a creature made of dark matter in the book.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Totalitarian fuckwit
I read the article by that twat Dr. Alan Maryon-Davis. Seeing that I am past my prime, would he like to offer me free razor blades so I can slit my veins, and so prevent myself being a burden on the NHS?
Don't bother Alan, after your article, I shall buy my own, and do it shortly if you write any more of that totalitarian crap
Bastard
Don't bother Alan, after your article, I shall buy my own, and do it shortly if you write any more of that totalitarian crap
Bastard
Snow
I fail to understand the complete lack of risk taking in this country of ours. For two days we had a dusting of snow, ie about 10cms, and on the dire advice from the media we all batterned down the hatches and waited for the end of the world.
In the course of my job, I have been to the top of Norway in mid winter, temperatures of minus 30, and they still manage their daily lives there.
the winter of 1963 was far worse than this week and the average person on the street found ways to cope with their driveway full of snow. They used a shovel.
We are a nation of wimps aren't we?
PS, My wife drove into work both days. No problem, she just drove carefully considering the conditions.
In the course of my job, I have been to the top of Norway in mid winter, temperatures of minus 30, and they still manage their daily lives there.
the winter of 1963 was far worse than this week and the average person on the street found ways to cope with their driveway full of snow. They used a shovel.
We are a nation of wimps aren't we?
PS, My wife drove into work both days. No problem, she just drove carefully considering the conditions.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
I apologise for this
Tonight I listened to the BBC.
Apart from the usual drivel about the worst snow fall for 19 years, Woopee f*ck. I've seen far worse in the past. They had a story about three younsters who unfortunately had decided to descend a slope on the upended roof of a derelict range rover. the sad ending was that they ended up sliding into a barbed wire fence, and one of them, being badly injured.
I must admit that it saddens me when these events happen, and that one was badly injured.
On the other hand, I am so glad that the devil may care attitude is still alive and well in the UK, and not even the ridiculous H & S brigade have managed, not wihout spending millions of our money, to stamp out the devil-may-care attitude to risk which made us such a great nation.
Without risk, would we have achieved anything at all in this country?
I wish a speedy recovery to those in hospital. Please take care, but live your lives to the full.
Apart from the usual drivel about the worst snow fall for 19 years, Woopee f*ck. I've seen far worse in the past. They had a story about three younsters who unfortunately had decided to descend a slope on the upended roof of a derelict range rover. the sad ending was that they ended up sliding into a barbed wire fence, and one of them, being badly injured.
I must admit that it saddens me when these events happen, and that one was badly injured.
On the other hand, I am so glad that the devil may care attitude is still alive and well in the UK, and not even the ridiculous H & S brigade have managed, not wihout spending millions of our money, to stamp out the devil-may-care attitude to risk which made us such a great nation.
Without risk, would we have achieved anything at all in this country?
I wish a speedy recovery to those in hospital. Please take care, but live your lives to the full.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Customer Survey
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas (Military Aircraft) Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down immediately. Enjoy the disclaimer notice at the end !
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name:............................................ Initial: ........
Last Name......................................................
Password: .............................. (max.8 char)
Code Name:.....................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):19....... /....... /......
4. Serial Number:................................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of his email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.
H/T to Womble for this
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name:............................................ Initial: ........
Last Name......................................................
Password: .............................. (max.8 char)
Code Name:.....................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):19....... /....... /......
4. Serial Number:................................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of his email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.
H/T to Womble for this
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