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Friday, 3 June 2011

Computer support

cat and keyboard

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a  distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the  flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.
In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as  Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs  such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer
runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to  fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed, Desperate
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband  is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved  Me.html' and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as  designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery  and Flowers, but remember, overuse of the above application can cause  Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very  bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the  background that will eventually seize control of all your system  resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are  unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and  cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running  one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to  improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support


  1. Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 6. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and found
    that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other
    applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1. 0 also is spawning
    Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.

    No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product
    brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that
    this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that,
    Wife 1. 0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system
    initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding
    that some applications such as PokerNight 10. 3, BeerBash 2. 5, and
    PubNight 7. 0 are no longer able to run, crashing the system when selected
    (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1. 0
    automatically installs undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55. 8 and
    BrotherInLaw Beta release. As a consequence system performance seems
    to diminish with each passing day.

    Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2. 0:

    - A "Don't remind me again" button
    - Minimize button
    - An install shield feature that allows Wife 2. 0 to be installed with the
    option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other
    system resources.
    - An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which
    would allow the systems hardware probe feature to have greater use.

    I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1. 0 by
    sticking with Girlfriend 2. 0. Even here, however, I found many problems.
    Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2. 0 on top of Girlfriend 1. 0. You
    must uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0 first. Other users say this is a long
    standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of
    Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think
    they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse,

    The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1. 0 doesn't work very well leaving
    undesirable traces of the application in the system.

    Another annoying problem -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup
    annoying messges about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1. 0

    ***** BUG WARNING ********
    Wife 1. 0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1. 1
    before uninstalling Wife 1. 0, Wife 1. 0 will delete MSMoney files before
    executing a self - uninstallation. Then Mistress 1. 1 will refuse to
    install, claiming insufficient system resources.

    *** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***************
    To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1. 1 on a different system
    and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6. 0. Also,
    beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry
    viruses that may affect Wife 1. 0.

    Another solution would be to run Mistress 1. 0 via a UseNet provider under
    an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can
    accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.

  2. Bugger. That's so much better than mine.

    Begone. Never darken this blog with your computerised filth.


  3. Printers are just as much trouble...

  4. Computer Support Los Angeles provides best solution fro many problems of computers.

  5. I appreciate, cause I found just what I was looking for. You’ve ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
    PC Support

  6. Full of humor, it's really a good piece of stuff about computer support. I can't stop laughing here actually.


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