Google analytics

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

The Prisoner


I wrote a diatribe a couple of weeks ago about ordering an item that was not delivered, and saved me money by finding the item cheaper elsewhere.

Guess what. It’s happened all over again. The package has been returned to the vendor as it was damaged and I’ve found the item cheaper elsewhere again.

The only problem is that throughout this period I’ve become a virtual prisoner in my home, waiting for non existent deliveries. Only making rapid forays to the local shop for vital top ups of essential supplies of whisky and ciggies. I’ve almost done as much time incarcerated as a corrupt MP.

I think that my sentence is nearly over as the item is to be delivered tomorrow as.I’m informed by the latest vendor.

Was that a squadron of flying pigs I just saw?


  1. I reckon you should just go to Argos, pay the extra and save yourself a whole heap of aggro.
    By the time you have received your item, you will have rickets.

  2. "Only making rapid forays to the local shop for vital top ups of essential supplies ...."

    There MUST be some named 'Law' that states "Expected deliveries are most-likely to occur during the very brief, temporary period the home is unoccupied, or, whilst the sole occupant is sat on the loo but before the paperwork has been completed."

  3. Bucko

    Unfortunately Argos don't sell the item.

    Joe Public.

    I think that's covered in paragraph 52c of Murphy's law.

    52b. States that the toilet roll will never have enough paper on it when you need it the most.

  4. I know the feeling. We are currently undergoing the saga of Mrs D's mail order shoes!

    What really gets me is when you order an mp3 player from Amazon then the next day the price is £20 less but its too late to cancel the first one, so you order another one. The two of them then arrive in the same post and you send the more expensive one back!

    The world is definitely disappearing up its own fundamental orifice...

  5. Captain Haddock18 May 2011 at 18:15

    Believe me .. its even worse when you live alone ..

    You need to plan online buying like a full-blown military operation, making sure that on the day you place your order (or the day after, at the latest).. you shop for at least five "working day's" worth of victuals etc ..

    You need to stick a note to the front door, asking the lobotomised courier to ring the bell (in case you're upstairs) ..

    You need to ensure a speedy & obstacle-free path to your front door, so that the useless lump, with the personality of a dead slug, doesn't assume he can hoist his arse back into his van, if you don't immediately respond to his first little "tip-tap" on the door ..

    And as has been mentioned .. that Ancient British God "Sod" will pretty much guarantee that the courier will pole up just as you're in the process of siphoning the python, or indulging in a spine-shattering catering off-load ..

    Couriers .. don'tcha just love 'em ?

  6. I've a good mind to look at all the major sites that give a timed delivery slot for a given day and then post an article on here. But then that could take years, so I probably won't.

  7. Captain Haddock18 May 2011 at 19:14

    Wouldn't make a ha'porth of difference FE ..

    I've spoken to some vendors & all you get is .. "Once we've despatched the item(s) & informed you of that fact, the responsibility lies with the courier(s)" ..

    And if you speak to the courier company, all you get is a load of drivel about "problems at the hub" ..

    The truth is, once they have your money .. most of 'em couldn't give a flying fuck .. but when you require something from a firm at the other end of the country, what choice do you have ?

    That said, I've dealt with some vendors who've been brilliant & who take their customer care seriously .. Including one, who replaced a missing item free of charge & postage ..

    It later transpired that a temporary Postman had been helping himself .. he later got 12 months for his trouble ..

  8. Captain.

    My main beef is not with the original supplier but the courier company they use. If I pay extra to have a delivery on a specific date then I expect a delivery.

    Then again this couriers head office is in Liverpool, so what did I expect.

    The supplier were completely contrite and a delight to do business with.

    The Courier company were downright insulting in their manner. HDNL.

  9. Captain Haddock18 May 2011 at 23:58

    I think I know of the courier firm to which you allude FE ..

    I read somewhere else (can't for the life of me remember where) and much the same point re location was made there too ..

  10. You might like this while you're waiting for your delivery.

    Hope you enjoy.

  11. Or you just need to live in the country where you friendly courier van knows you and trusts you; signs for the item himself and leaves it somewhere hidden/safe ... :))


Say what you like. I try to reply. Comments are not moderated. The author of this blog is not liable for any defamatory or illegal comments.