Gotta Hole

A TFE public service broadcast.

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Threat levels

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

A final thought -“ Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."

The latest

First we had Anthropogenic Global Warming to make us feel guilty about our lifestyle. Next was Global climate change and Global weirding.

Bearing in mind these all had a cost to be born by us in higher tax and bills, (Carbon taxes) and were designed to change our behaviour.

Well it seems that those alarmist headings aren’t having the desired effect on us proles, so they are changing the narrative again.

More and more I see is the word “Sustainability” cropping up with monotonous regularity from the usual crooks, who are trying to send us back to an agrarian society, whilst relieving us of our money in the process.

DEFRA

Sustainable development is about making sure that people throughout the world can satisfy their basic needs now, while making sure that future generations can also look forward to the same quality of life.

WWF

Sustainability - changing how we live

Yes, we really can all make a difference. And if we want governments and businesses around the world to act, we need to get our own houses in order first - and our cars, shops and workplaces too. Besides, the sooner we move towards less wasteful, healthier lifestyles, the better for everyone.

Just  do a google search for “sustainable” and you’ll see what I mean. Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon..

There’s even a site called the sustainable restaurant association. I doubt whether I shall visit one of those places.

I’m pissed off with hearing that bloody word. It purports to make us feel that we don’t care about anyone else in our thrust to better our lives. Of course some would say “You’re condemning the third world to a life of poverty”. I would reply by saying that I’ve seen shithole countries, first hand, that are awash with riches which are used by the ruling class to subjugate their populace to a life of misery.

Sustainable. Bollocks to the idea.

and if someone dares to mention “renewables”…………..  

Nice one.

Some enterprising publican.

Always choose a memorable password!

We are all adults, and hope we all have a good sense of humour. 

This was just too funny to not share.

A lady helps her man install a new computer. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, a word that he'll always remember.

As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, he selects a word but he is annoyed with her reaction, when he selects: penis.

As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria ..

The computer had replied:

TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!

The Filthy Engineer school of mathematics

 

Apparently it’s……..

World whisky day!!!!!!!

I’ll drink to that.

Doctors and drinking

I have just been reading an article in The Telegraph about a proposal from manadarins in the Home Office to pay Doctors to quiz patients about their alcohol consumption.

After reading the article, and thinking for myself that it was a stupid idea. my eye drifted down to the comments section. I changed my mind when I read one of the comments.

anneallan

Today 08:18 AM

Come to an arrangement with your GP; admit to being a dipso if he'll share the proceeds of his bonus.  If he cuts up rough, threaten to go on the wagon.

Made me smile.

Think of the Cheeldren

I received an Email yesterday from a nanny fussbucket site that is blaming smokers for killing the newborn. Now I quite like receiving E mails, but when I receive drivel like that then I feel the need to reply.

In the Email the sender implied that smokers were mass killers of our youth. In it she attempts to state ten truths. Here they are:

1. Smelly baby – Probably the least important reason but still applicable; babies are known for smelling so clean and fresh. The smell of cigarettes is potent, and clings to anything and everything it touches. You really don’t want your baby to smell like an ashtray do you?
2. Fussy babies – It has been shown that infants do not do well in a smoke filled environment, and some studies have even correlated second hand smoke to a higher incidence of crankiness in babies. The smoke can irritate their lungs and eyes and make them uncomfortable.
3. Asthma – Studies confirm that children raised around smokers have a higher incidence of asthma than those raised in environments with cleaner air. Also, children who are exposed to secondhand smoke may have more frequent and more severe asthma attacks.
4. Poisons – Do you really want your baby breathing in all of those poisons? The fact is that secondhand smoke is full of irritants and chemicals that are harmful to the lungs. These chemicals include formaldehyde, arsenic, benzene, and vinyl chloride among others. Since babies have such small and delicate lungs that are still in the process of developing they are more vulnerable to the ill effects of these poisons.
5. Cancer – Research shows that second hand smoke can be just as harmful as smoking. In some cases, people who never smoked but were around smokers came down with cancer while the smoker remained relatively healthy. Secondhand smoke is a known human carcinogen containing a plethora of carcinogenic chemicals; chemicals your baby does not need to be breathing.
6. Lung damage – Recent studies reveal that babies who are subjected to secondhand smoke incur damage to their developing lungs which are quite possibly permanent damages. Their lung function decreases which can make them more susceptible to respiratory problems
7. Ear infections – The adverse effects aren’t limited to the lungs; in fact inhalation of secondhand smoke can cause fluid buildup in the ears resulting in ear infections.
8. Bronchitis – This is another respiratory issue that is seen more frequently in babies exposed to secondhand smoke.
9. Pneumonia – Babies breathing in smoke are more likely to come down with pneumonia than those in a clean air environment.
10. SIDS – One of the most frightening reasons to keep baby out of a smoke filled environment is that infants exposed to secondhand smoke are up to four times more likely to die of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

My reply:

1. Never smelt a dirty nappy?

2. Really. I'd just love to have that study to peruse. If you blow smoke in my eyes I would be cranky.

3. This one takes the biscuit. Smoking prevalence has fallen whilst Asthma levels have increased. The cause now being considered is excessive cleanliness in the infant's formative months.

4. It's the dose that's important. Next you'll be purporting that the wiff of SHS will kill instantly.

5. So you don't think that pushing your baby within feet of a car exhaust  is unsafe? You've actually stated that smokers are less likely to get cancer. Strange reasoning.

6. I'd like you to back up that comment with a link to that study. I can't find one that gives empirical evidence that your assertion is correct.

7.That little gem has never been proved.

8.Anyone can catch Bronchitis. I had repeated Bronchitis when I was young. My parents didn't smoke.

9.State your source for that assertion.

10. No-one yet knows what causes SID. The rate in the UK is static at about 300 per year. You set the cause of investigative science back to the days of necromancy. 

If you are going to write uninformed drivel like this and post it on my blog, then at least research the facts. If you wish, I can supply links that will give you the facts. I don't deal in populist hearsay.

So you think our Government runs the country.

Well think again. Why do you think “Call Me Dave” has done all those U turns? It’s our masters in the EU who are really calling the shots.

H/T to Grandad