Are you deaf or summink?

They’ll try every trick in the book to revile smoking. Can you hear me at the back?

Teenagers could suffer hearing loss because of passive smoking, according to new research.

Inhaling other people’s tobacco smoke almost doubled the risk of impaired hearing among adolescents, it was claimed.

The levels of damage were mild but could be enough to stop them hearing properly in class and leave them branded ‘troublemakers’.

Notice the usual weasel words, such as could and claimed.

The loss of hearing may be explained by toxic tobacco chemicals damaging the ear’s delicate blood supply, the scientists believe. Even mild hearing loss could have ‘subtle yet serious’ consequences, said Prof Weitzman.

Oh and the word may.

I’ve been properly smoking for 48 years, so how come I’m not as deaf as a post then.

Why is it that they can’t come out with proper research that states categorically one thing or another. This sort of disingenuous clap trap is just a waste of taxpayers’ money.

It might be an idea if they did further research into how many of these adolescents had ipods jammed in their ears.

Passive smoking is the primary cause of global warming. Everyone knows that.

We wuz robbed

Whilst on Holiday in Crete we were the subject of a burglary at our Villa. The puss filled, pox ridden, bastard sons of whores poor downtrodden miscreants gained access to the Villa and relieved some of us of cameras, mobile phones, and money.

I lost a battered still camera and a rather decrepit handycam, but what pissed me off the most was:

THEY TOOK MY LITTLE BACK PACK TO MAKE OFF WITH THEIR ILL GOTTEN GAINS.

Now I’ve been attached to that back pack figuratively speaking for years. It and me have travelled hundreds of thousands of miles together. It was a true friend brutally wrenched from me.

RIP, true and honoured friend.

It’s the little things taken from you that hurt the most. Bugger the cameras. I really was a crap photographer anyway.

Bad day?

The next time you feel that nobody loves you, no one cares, or that no one ever notices you,
think of this bloke:

Things getting you Down?  Well Then, Consider These ...

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents The next  Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was  all about.  Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits  Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad  Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the ExxonValdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00.  At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank  of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are you OK now? -  No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.  Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a bad day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits. God is good!

There now, feeling better?

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

(Apologies to Juliet and Mr Shakespeare).

As you may know or not, I’ve just been on an idyllic holiday in Crete. There all the advantages that you can find on that Island, that stand out from the UK.  Sun, warm sea, good inexpensive food, and the best of all. Negligible smoking regulations.

The Greek government might have brought in laws, but the general population have just ignored them. It was wonderful just being able to sit in a bar and light up when you felt the need. ASH should take note. I actually smoked less as I felt no need to try and fit a quick fag in between venues.

There was only one bar that we visited which had any sort of regulation sign showing. In this taverna there were signs stating “No smoking beyond this point”. This was obviously just for show, as on putting my cigs and lighter on the table behind me, the next thing I heard was a muffled clunk. Turning round I perceived that the waitress had just left me an ashtray.

The beauty of it was there was no one in any of the bars or restaurants that did the antismoking faux pas coughing or hand waving that is seen in the UK. If only the British pubs and clubs could mobilise together to stick two fingers up to the jobworths  who infest our sceptred Isle. (Sorry again Will. From Richard II, Act 2).

Fuck me. I’ll be writing poetry next. Oh dear. I already have in my last post. Bugger. I need to slowly recover from a surfeit of retsina and metaxa. I may recover.

I’m back

Did you miss me? No, thought not

 

Just a bit of poetry till I can think of some of my usual to write about.

 

Goodbye to my England, So long my old friend
Your days are numbered, being brought to an end
To be Scottish, Irish or Welsh that's fine
But don't say you're English, that's way out of line..

The French and the Germans may call themselves such
So may Norwegians, the Swedes and the Dutch
You can say you are Russian or maybe a Dane
But don't say you're English ever again.

At Broadcasting House the word is taboo
In Brussels it's scrapped, in Parliament too
Even schools are affected.. Staff do as they're told
They must not teach children about England of old.

Writers like Shakespeare, Milton and Shaw
The pupils don't learn about them anymore
How about Agincourt, Hastings , Arnhem or Mons ?
When England lost hosts of her very brave sons..

We are not Europeans, how can we be?
Europe is miles away, over the sea
We're the English from England, let's all be proud
Stand up and be counted - Shout it out loud!

Let's tell our Government and Brussels too
We're proud of our heritage and the Red, White and Blue
Fly the flag of Saint George or the Union Jack
Let the world know - WE WANT ENGLAND BACK !!!!

 

I’ll write about the Holiday burglary in due course.

I’m off

On Holiday.

Tomorrow Seven of us get up at the crack of dawn and head off to sunnier climes.

I’ve successfully checked in on line and the boarding passes have now been printed.

Packed. Not yet.

Still got to try and round up the cats and get them to the cattery. May have to stop at the chemist and buy some bandages on the way back.

 

The Villa

 

The outdoor bar and Barbecue area.

 

The Lounge

 

The Pool (Totty not included)

 

It’s going to be hell. Wish me luck.

It’s going to get Ugly.

Sometimes,  stories just write themselves.  This is one of those times.

Priscilla Agosto has made some rather serious allegations regarding sexual harassment regarding  her former employer.  However, the employer, People’s Choice Reality, has mounted, shall we say, a rather politically  incorrect  defense…

A 23-year-old lesbian says the Brooklyn real estate office she once worked in is a den of deviants where raunchy sexcapades were the norm.

But the bosses she’s suing say she’s too ugly to harass.

Priscilla Agosto ran a gauntlet of sexual humilition – verbal and physical – in her 14 miserable months at People’s Choice Realty, her suit against its three bosses says.

No less than seven male employees made lewd advances at her – even after she complained to the bosses, she said in papers filed in Brooklyn Supreme Court.

Her male co-workers exposed themselves, rubbed up against her and even asked for oral sex, she alleges.

And they even offered $500 to watch her have sex with her girlfriend, she said.

“I hope and pray that by sharing my story, anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation will have the courage to speak up,” said Agosto.

Odelia Berlianshik, the owner of the Williamsburg firm, denied the charges – and launched a shocking attack on Agosto’s appearance.

“Who would touch her? She’s an ugly girl anyway,” she said of the former secretary. “She made up a story because she didn’t want to work.”

Agosto’s lawyer Brendan Chao said another former employee corroborated much of his client’s account.

So, this leads to a rather interesting confrontation-the accuser, who is female, vs. the business owner, who is also female.  Whose side might the feminazis take?  If they side against the accuser, they give up on victim status against the evil humans with a penis patriarchy.  However, if they go after the business owner, aren’t they attacking a fellow woman who has climbed the ladder, breached the glass ceiling, and fought off the evil humans with a penis patriarchy?

Who knows?  But it would be fun to watch.

Tuesday Tomfoolery

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.  When I
quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.  As I was
standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3
hours later and they're still walking about with it.  I thought to myself,
they've lost the plot!!

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.  A spokesman for the
channel said. "A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand
the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do."

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our
local pet shop and they were £70!!!  B******s to this, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their
new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.  I thought that was a bit
harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.

I start a new job in Seoul next week.  I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was
sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.  I thought to myself
'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking
Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our
country?'

Global Facts About Sex

At Any Given Moment:

FACT #1:

79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

FACT #2:

58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT #3:

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT #4:

One, lonely, elderly person is reading Blog posts.

The Olympic Torch 2012