Well he tried.

 

I don’t think that Mr Jennings has a sense of humour.

PS. Both my Grandkids have these.

Storm in a Teacup?

I must admit I have never heard of Tim Minchin, but have to agree that his poetry is amusing.



H/T to Stu at Sharpes Opinion

I see that the MP for Mogadishu East, Kerry Mccarthy, won't allow me to post this on her website.

No sense of humour!

Posted here earlier

Do I care? Do I hell.

Humour

From a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash
or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. *******s.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due
to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use
it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The
dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...............

If you liked this, then try here.

I want one of these

De Walt nail gun, for those that are behind in their fence repairs, like me.

Healthy eating.

The Super Scooby, Britain's largest burger with 2,645 calories. It is sold by the Jolly Fryer takeaway in Bristol and they are offering a free can of Diet Coke to anyone who can finish it in one go.

I don't know whether the health faschists have seen this. I'm not going to snitch.
The down side, is that I might end up with every Nut job arriving here.
Kerry McCarthy take note.

H/T to the Telegraph

Some pearls of wisdom for today

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just bugger off and leave me alone.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

• It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

• Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

• No one is listening until you fart.

• Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.

• It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

• If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

• Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.

• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

• If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

• If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

• Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windscreen.

• Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.

• Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

• A closed mouth gathers no foot.

• Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

• There are two theories about how to argue with a woman. Neither works.

• Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

That's enough of the hiliarity for today.

You've got to be kidding

Hope for the future

And yeah it shall come to pass........

And I'm reserving a plot for the future, for the rest of the shits in Westminster.

Taking the piss is such fun.

You know you will laugh Derek. Even you must see the funny side. You're not the first to have this treatment, and you won't be the last.