We Must Stop This Immediately*
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. shopping bags are heavier and, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?**
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW even mirrors are not made the way they used to be.
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.**
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much!
Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the** telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!**
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE post this on your blog AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!**
PS: I am writing this in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.
"Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. shopping bags are heavier and, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!"
ReplyDeleteGlobal Warming.
Warming causes expansion, so the stairs become steeper & 'everywhere' is further away.
The air becomes more-bouyant, so your bag seems heavier.
And everyone MUMBLES, especially on the telly. And you can't hear anything on the telly anyway because background music drowns out the speech.
ReplyDeleteAnd all the kids play this terrible thumpety-thump music rather than proper stuff like Led Zeppelin.
I think it's something they put in the food. Or the water supply.
Wine bottles are getting smaller too, and strangely, so is my bladder.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was young, I was taught that it was polite to help elderly, white-haired ladies across a busy street.
ReplyDeleteI still do this, but the lady I invariably help, and who fits the description perfectly, is my wife.
And I have a rider to the old saw 'cogito ergo sum'; 'doleo ergo sum'.
Still, as Maurice Chevalier once said, when asked if getting old was unpleasant, replied that it was better than the alternative!