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Tuesday 14 June 2011

How to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars See If They Slow Down.

2. On all your check stubs, write " For Marijuana."

3. Skip down the street Rather than Walk, and see how many looks you get.

4. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5. Sing Along At The Opera.

6.   When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream" I Won!   I Won!"

7. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the the Car Park, Yelling "Run For Your Lives!  They're Loose!"

8. Tell Your Children over Dinner, "Due To the Economy, We are Going To Have To Let One of You Go."

AND THE FINAL WAY TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

9. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE CHEMIST, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

11 comments:

  1. You mean tha the restaurant that's been charging me extra for diet water has been ripping me of???

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  2. I've been guilty... of singing along at the opera... Carmen.

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  3. Ask the restaurant if they have any de-hydrated water to take out...

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  4. Better still... diluted water!

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  5. @HarryHook

    Yeah but we Scots drink diluted water all the time ..... one part water and 9 parts whisky ... so nothing unusual there ,,,

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  6. @dioclese

    THIS IS THE GRAMMAR POLICE >>>

    the correct spelling is "off" ...

    YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

    ReplyDelete
  7. Captain Haddock14 June 2011 at 19:11

    My younger sister (who is as tight as a fish's arse underwater anyway .. She's so tight that she wouldn't give you a spot, if she had Measles) once tried to dilute the water she gave to her kids (having neglected to add the orange squash) ..

    She still hasn't lived that one down .. ;)

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  8. @ Filthy

    One can safely assume you are referencing the whisky and not the policing of grammar !! :))

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  9. The whisky of course. I have one sitting before me. Eyeing me up with that evil look of "don't you dare drink me".

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  10. I guess asking the restuarant for a glass of low calorie di-hydrogen monoxide is completely out of the question?

    W/V "extrabil" - fuck me, so a drink is not included in the meal price...

    ReplyDelete

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