Friday Funny

 

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.  The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.  He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.  Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.  Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.  As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.  The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.  Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure.  He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.  The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

The fight back begins

Calling all smokers, non smokers and everyone who wants to see The Tobacco control industry out of their lives. And hopefully out of their jobs. (Am I being too vindictive? I don’t think so.).

There’s a new web site started today to fight back at Tobacco control. Reproduced below is their press release. Do spread it around.

A grassroots response to an attack against smokers

The latest offensive by the Tobacco Control Industry against people who dare dissent from their ideology is a Wiki-style website published and run by paid professionals. In it, they attempt to portray ordinary but active people who enjoy tobacco and promote Free Choice as arms of the tobacco companies and as if they were generally getting paid to support the Tobacco Industry. In response to this offensive, a similar but opposing Wiki website is being launched on June 28th.

An ongoing project, the website, Tobacco Control Tactics, (TCT or tctactics.org) is a compilation of years of research conducted by unfunded grassroots members of organizations around the world who are alarmed by the under-reported and unaccounted for harm the international Tobacco Control Industry is causing to ordinary citizens and economies.

"It is high time the public is made aware of what is going on in the Tobacco Control Industry and we believe TC Tactics will be a very positive step in that direction," says Wiel Maessen of the Netherlands, a founding member of TICAP (The International Coalition Against Prohibition) who was one of the prime initiators and motivational forces behind the creation of the TCT Wiki.

The website explains how Tobacco Control has morphed from a reasonable movement to educate consumers about the health effects of using tobacco while working to reduce youth tobacco use. It is now a well-funded and highly organized industry encouraging discrimination against adult consumers of tobacco. TCT explores how scientists, afraid to jeopardize their careers, publicly dissent from the central doctrines of the Tobacco Control Industry only after they retire, and how the Pharmaceutical Industry both influences the research done on tobacco issues and funds front groups to promote conditions favorable to sales of ineffective nicotine replacement therapy products. In brief, it examines, as its name states, the tactics used by the powerful, international and highly integrated Tobacco Control Industry, an industry which is far less recognized but arguably as powerful as the Tobacco Industry itself.

When asked to describe what the TCT project was all about, Michael J. McFadden of the US-based Citizens Freedom Alliance said, "Considering the unremittingly positive media imaging of antismoking organizations we expect people to be shocked by what they read in these Wiki pages. We ask readers to simply read our pages carefully and compare them with information presented on the other side of the issue. We believe people will be angry at the way trusted officials and institutions have used the same sort of manipulative and cold-blooded tactics long associated with the Tobacco Industry in order to push a hidden agenda of denormalization and eradication rather than an open program of simple education and proper control."

The creators of Tobacco Control Tactics believe that today’s Tobacco Control Industry may very well be doing far more harm to people and society than is generally recognized. Whether that recognition can be raised to the level of public consciousness needed to bring about change remains to be seen. Bill Gibson, a Scottish Director of FORCES International asks, “Can a loosely knit and unfunded group of consumers sharing enjoyment of a legal product and those supporting them stand up successfully against a highly organized, tax- and pharmaceutical-wealthy international industry?” And then answers, “We believe that the TCT website is a good step in that direction: Truth, communication, and information can stand up and win against ‘Big Money’ when offered the sort of level playing field provided by the internet.”

ENDS

The Tobacco Control Tactics website can be found HERE.

Set in Stone

I think the weather station below is probably as accurate as the UK Met Office.

TNA @ Rio+20: Lord Monckton Breaks Down the Rio Conference

 

My speech

As some of you know. In ten days time I have to give away another of my daughters. (In marriage)(And why do we have to give them away. If the Fiancee likes her that much, why can’t he buy her off me).

Anyhoo. here’s a few more paragraphs I’ve cobbled together

While preparing this speech I was getting a little sentimental and decided to get out a few old photograph albums. Tears welled up in my eyes as I turned the pages and the one picture that stood out from the others was the striking photograph of my precious daughter lying on a rug, dribbling and pointing at the lens. What a treasure she looked as she tried to stand … she’ll never forget her 21st birthday.

or

When I was preparing this speech, I decided to learn from the great public speakers of history – but I found Stalin, Hitler and Castro a bit thin on loving tributes to the bride.

or

As father of the bride, it is my responsibility to make the first toast to the happy couple. I diligently researched many books in many libraries to locate just the right toast. In my search, I was astonished to discover that marriage is a trilogy of rings. When Paul decided that Linda was the girl for him, he asked for her hand in marriage and presented her with the first ring, the engagement ring. Now today, all of us here witnessed Paul and Linda vow their lives to each other as they exchanged the second ring in the trilogy, the wedding ring. But as many of you married couples here today will be able to confirm, the third ring comes a few years down the road, after the honeymoon is over, the bills are mounting and the kids are screaming. This third ring, of course, is the suffer-ring.

Can I use any of them. And if so. Which?

I survived Munich. Just. Part one.

I arrived back in the UK in the early hours of this morning from a stag do for my future Son-in-Law.

The Terror started at 0530 on Saturday morning when I met up with 16 twenty year olds at Stansted Airport. A soon as we had cleared security the drinking began, which nearly resulted in many  missing the flight. Drinking continued on the flight even though it was only an hour and twenty minutes. (The author refrained from this stage of the drinkfest).

Getting in to Munich is easy due to the efficiency of the German public transport system and we were soon checked into the hotel.

Soon the cry went up from the sixteen “We must go and drink beer”, and soon the sixteen + two (My brother-in-law was the other “one”), headed up the road to the nearest and oldest beer garden in Munich.

Now as most of you will know the beer is served up in Steins. A Stein is approximately one litre of beer and is served in a large dimpled glass mug. After finding some suitable tables the order for eighteen Steins was placed. We didn’t have to wait long for the first waiter to deliver the first tranche. How he did it, gobsmacked us all. He delivered 12 Steins in one go. Six in one hand and six in the other. Being a puny sort of fellow, I have difficulty in picking up one Stein in both hands. Four rounds later we were thrown out due to some trangression, and we trudged off to catch a tram to another beer garden. The biggest in Munich. Bear in mind this only just two O’clock in the afternoon.

This was truly the Biergarden of all Biergardens. Hundreds of trestle tables set in the middle of open green land. What was so nice was the fact families spend their whole afternoon there with their packed lunches and just generally chill out. I’m not sure why when you are assailed by the sounds of a german oompah band and sixteen drunken Brits.

End of part one……….

Trailer:

Part two features an obscene photograph, the oldest Bierhaus, pole dancing, and credit card fraud. Oh and the bill for the broken lift.

Have fun

Blogging will be non–existent over the coming weekend. I’m off to Munich on my future son-in law’s stag do.

Wish me luck with 12 mid twenties somethings to look after.

No Minister

Bugger off and leave my pack alone

 

H/T to DP

You’re fired

If you dare spout this heresy the go and find another job.

Oregon State University chemistry professor Nicholas Drapela was fired without warning three weeks ago and has still been given no reason for the university’s decision to “not renew his contract.”

Drapela, an outspoken critic of man-made climate change, worked at the university for 10 years.

In the early years of his career, he published a number of textbooks, received a promotion to senior instructor and, in 2004, received a Loyd F. Carter award for outstanding and inspirational teacher.

In 2007, Drapela began giving talks on his own climate change skepticism. He often and openly questioned the science behind man-made global warming.

Drapela told the Daily Caller he was “blindsided” when the department chair called Drapela into his office to fire him on May 29.

 

Global Warming Cracked Open

View more presentations from Sholom Mossman

Light blogging

Over the next few weeks, for a number of reasons, this blogger may post less on this blog. (Not that you care, I suspect).

1. One of my daughters gave me on Father’s day, a genealogy software package. I intend to use the three months subscription free package, to it’s full usage. (I’m a tight git).

2. I have to fly to Munich next weekend for a stag do. That’s the weekend blogging done for.

3. In less than three weeks I’ve (forcibly^*) to attend my eldest daughters wedding. Of course I will be phoned at every instance and expected to sort out other’s cock ups. However the worst is that I’ve got to make a speech. So far I’ve not managed to get very far with it.

This is as far as I’ve got:

Ladies and Gentlemen - You will all be pleased to learn that my speech will be every bit as good as the last wedding speech I gave. In fact, my side of the family will probably remember great chunks of it! Not really, although I am following exactly the same format. This means it will probably start off badly, sag in the middle with long silences, and then trail off into a lot of incoherent rambling.

Weddings are a marvellous excuse for a big party, and today is no exception. We have a lot of people here today – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends… and a handful of people I recognize. Thank you all for coming.

The worst bit is that I’ll have to remember it. Could I do death by PowerPoint instead, or is that unacceptable?

So you see, I’ve the whole world on my shoulders.

Working out when everyone dies.

Drinking to excess.

And spouting drivel. (Mind you, considering that the cost of this wedding could bail out Spain, twice). If any of you can send me some pithy father of the bride speech material, I will be eternally grateful. (Well maybe).

What do you think?

* In the Chav vernacular. Luv hr to bitz.