Spot the difference

Romany Blythe who was a key organiser of street parties to “celebrate” Margaret Thatcher’s death has defended her actions by comparing the late prime minister to Adolf Hitler.

It’s ignorant cretins like this who want to make me spit.

*spits*

This is a woman who is one of those who thinks the country owes them a living, all the while plundering what little the country has.

The 45-year-old – who was given breast implants on the NHS because she complained of low self-esteem – had sparked outrage by creating an internet page called: ‘The witch is dead.’

Fun in the air

Now this is an airline I’d like to fly with. Specially with graphics like this

and finally the most important one.

And of course the inflight entertainment is just as good.

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,

"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it !"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said,

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it 's something we'd like to have."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:

"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced,

"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee:

"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

And from the pilot during his welcome message:

"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,

"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it ?"

The little old lady said,

"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

Well that’s it for now. I really must get back to posting about serious subjects sometime.

No.

 

Fun stuff

And

 

That last one is unhappily true. Thanks to our Government's obsession with everything green, my utility bills are rising faster than a saturn rocket.

The Lady got it.

 

Rules for UK Armed Forces

I think this might be biased.

Royal Marine Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won’t work.
5. be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet, even your friends
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose calibre does not start with a “4.”
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & Diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. In ten years nobody will remember the details of calibre, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
12. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

SBS Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

SAS Rules:
1. Walk 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from “Higher” to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd Lt’s; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

RAF Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what’s on Sky.
4. Ask “what is a gunfight?”
5. Request more funding from Government with a “killer” Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ‘key’ MPs; invite MOD & defence industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets “strategic” and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tea-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

Royal Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink rum

AND………

3. Deploy Marines

Pi in the sky?

Ponder this.

Spooky or what?

3.14159265359…………………………………… (And the rest)

A birthday party.

Not mine I may add. I’m too old for that sort of thing.

It was for my second grandson’s first birthday, held at my daughters house. Unfortunately I was driving and limited myself to a bottle of beer only.

The trouble with that is I now have a household of drunks staying the night at FE towers.

What should I do? Well I could throw them out in the streets, but being a kindly sort of person I’ll be generous and let them stay.

In fact I think I might have to try and catch up with them, just so they feel at home. I wouldn’t want them to feel awkward.

Cheers.

 

*HIC*

WHAT A HELL OF A DAY .......

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."  

"This is the worst day of my life," I say.

"I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.

When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.

I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!

"But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"

What are these Aliens?

Poetry in motion? I think not.

The Aliens have Landed

Imposing in there hundreds,

Such an army on display,

Those alien grey metal monsters

I saw while on my way.

 

Aliens on our shores have landed,

So tall, backs straight and true,

At night they watch through flashing eyes

Of red, at me and you.

 

Some have scaled the mountains,

Others near schools and homes,

Of one thing I am certain,

Those aliens have no souls.

 

No “whispering” from their ranks at all,

An unearthly sound they make,

It envelops each and everyone,

No more can humans take.

 

Three giant arms revolving,

Enveloping all around,

They’re here to ‘save the planet’,

The biggest “con” I have found.

 

Such hideous tall grey monsters,

Invade green and pleasant lands,

To stay for generations,

Unless the people make a stand.

 

These aliens feed on power and wind,

Without either, they will die,

They’re NOT environmental friendly,

They’re for profit, (at a cost), that’s WHY.

Wind Turbines.