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Monday, 8 April 2013

Rules for UK Armed Forces

I think this might be biased.

Royal Marine Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won’t work.
5. be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet, even your friends
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose calibre does not start with a “4.”
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & Diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. In ten years nobody will remember the details of calibre, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
12. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

SBS Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

SAS Rules:
1. Walk 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from “Higher” to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd Lt’s; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

RAF Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what’s on Sky.
4. Ask “what is a gunfight?”
5. Request more funding from Government with a “killer” Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ‘key’ MPs; invite MOD & defence industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets “strategic” and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tea-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

Royal Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink rum


3. Deploy Marines


  1. As you pointed out last year, while sodomy is OK, rum and the lash have been banned.

    In the Saudi navy only rum has been banned.

  2. Rum hasn't been banned, you just have to buy your own.

    Two Bootie rules missed out.

    13. When you finish a beer eat the glass.
    14. Naked bar.

    1. 15. Dance of the flaming arseholes? The use of toilet paper and matches is obligatory.

  3. Been sick as a dog all day, scared to go more than 5 steps from the bog and thought I was at a cocktail reception with Sir Vince Cable and Lord Kitchener discussing fox hunting over a port due to the fever.

    This has finally cheered me up, thank you.

    1. Sorry you've been unwell. I'm glad that this has cheered you up. It's nice to bring a smile to someone's face.


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