If you are a working parent and wonder what story to tell the kiddies at bed time, never fear help is here.
Samuel L Jackson has the answer below. Just leave your laptop beside the bed and quietly slip off out of the bedroom. This will lull them to sleep.
An FE public service broadcast.
I’ve just received a phone call which brightened up my day.
The call was from a claims management company. The type that promise to get all your money back from misselling of Financial products.
Being very polite, as is my wont, I asked him his Name, the Company he worked for, and other pleasantries.
Before he could take off on his pre-planned spiel I also satisfied myself as to what his charges were. He was just about to launch into his spiel, when I stopped him dead in his tracks with. “I belong to the Telephone Preference service, what you are doing is against the law”.
He proceeded to attempt to explain that he had bought a list from somewhere.
By this time I was getting fed up with the call, so I decided to wind him up with the following:
*Sniggers*
“So you’re a Fence then?”
Replys he: “What?”
Me: “A receiver of stolen goods”.
Him: “I bought it in good faith”.
Me: “The same as me buying a DVD player in a pub then”.
Well I’ve learnt a few swear words that I hadn’t heard before. Don’t forget I was a sailor which guarantees a broader vocabulary than most. (I can swear in innumerable languages, even Cantonese).
Needless to say I didn’t get any of my non existent claims managed.
I really shouldn’t do it.
*End of snigger*
Now I'm an ex marine engineer and in my time I've had to resort to a few insane dodges in my time, However this one takes the biscuit potato.
A plumber British Gas Engineer called out out to fix a leak used a potato to correct the problem. (I've never done that, but I did jam the bum of a future Lloyd's surveyor into a sea filter box, to stop one of her Majesties ship's sinking in Antwerp harbour. But that's another story.)
Richard Pickles was amazed when the engineer, who had been at his property for two hours attempting to mend the leak, resorted to a potato to temporarily fix the problem.
Mr Pickles, who lives Lancaster with his wife Amanda and children, including a 10-week-old baby, said: 'The engineer said "I'm only supposed to be here for an hour" and rammed a potato on to stop the leak.
Have a good look at the picture above. The leak is on the drain for the system. The answer was:
I rang up the next day to tell British Gas what had happened and another gas fitter came. He sorted the problem in five minutes by turning a screw.
No doubt there was a small amount of scale preventing the valve from sealing positively. The answer is normally to back it off and then re-tighten it. Time taken: 20 seconds?
Why do they call these Numtpties, Engineers? In my day it took 4 1/2 years to gain that title.
H/T to the
daily fail
