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Wednesday, 13 May 2015


Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco's
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.


  1. Think that was a bit rough - injecting some humour into the situation and banned.

  2. Brilliant, haven't laughed so much in ages.

    Morrisons if near enough is a much better shop anyway, and staffed by normal humans who don't have their heads up their arses most of the time


  3. Dude, you owe me a new keyboard...

  4. The Dog Diet. Classic. It's definitely worth getting banned from Tesco's for.

  5. Do you have a dog?
    No its for the cat, but it will be alright, he can't read.

  6. Tesco's can afford to ban it's customers ??

  7. I think that you posted this some years ago. I remember telling the blokes at work, it's a gem. I do think that such things brighten the lives of those around us. When I bought two packs of disposable razors the checkout girls asked if I intended to purchase two. Dead pan, I told her that they are for my wife who has a double chin. It's nice to leave people with a smile on their faces.


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