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Tuesday 16 October 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey (hair)

More poetry for you to muse on.
My missus bought a paperback
In Asda…… Saturday,
I had a look inside the bag
T’was "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Well I just left her to it, see,
And went off up to bed
An hour later, she appeared
Oh the sight filled me with dread!

In her hand she held a rope
The other, held a whip!
She brandished them around a bit
And then began to strip….

Well forty years or so, ago,
I might have had a peek
But Doris hasn’t weathered well
She’s sixty-eight next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind
Couldn’t be much grimmer…
And things progressed from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer !

She struggled back up to her feet,
A good half hour later,
Put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her !!!

Now if you knew our Doris, see,
You’d know just why I cringed.
I’d been two months in traction, cos
My hips and knees unhinged.

She stood there nude. All naked, like,
Bent forward quite a bit…. and
Jumping back in fright I went
And stood on her left tit.

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My word. What HAD I done ?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"Step on the OTHER one !!!"

Well reader, I can tell no more
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say, my dark brown hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

Black and blue, battered too,
With wanton, wild perversion,
We decided that a night of sin
Was scarce worth such exertion
Thank Heavens she has binned the book
And peace reigns, like before.
She’s head to toe in winceyette
And back to back, we snore………...

20 comments:

  1. Thanks FE.

    This one also, is now winging its way around our Office Network.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is absolutely hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Crikey, OWN - you're on form this week! Great stuff - keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is going to pep up my literature class this week.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Interesting. I am helping with an English learning class here on Monday.... :-)))))

    I will let you know if I get sacked because of it. :-))

    ReplyDelete
  6. WOAR & FT.

    If your fired it's nothing to do with me!

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Twas not me, twas a filthy engineer did it and ran away, miss!" :-))))

    ReplyDelete
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  9. Interesting .. I wrote this, mailed to a friend and he posted on Facebook on July 10th this year! Since then it's been around the world countless times - however, this version has been edited (big time), verses added that basically destroy it and .. well ... the original was a lot funnier ... :) :) Sigh ........

    ReplyDelete
  10. There's a instant market in parodies of this already ridiculous book - I can recommend Fifty Sheds of Grey: Erotica for the not-too-modern male [Kindle Edition]
    C. T. Grey (Author). Only 75p on kindle (which is about what it's worth but it does provide 30min of chuckles)

    ReplyDelete
  11. There's a instant market in parodies of this already ridiculous book - I can recommend Fifty Sheds of Grey: Erotica for the not-too-modern male [Kindle Edition]
    C. T. Grey (Author). Only 75p on kindle (which is about what it's worth but it does provide 30min of chuckles)

    ReplyDelete
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