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Tuesday, 18 September 2012

How the Jews got 10 Commandments.


God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."

The Arabs asked, " What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?"

God said, " For example ................ Thou shall not kill."

The Arabs were shocked, "What? Not kill? No way! Killing and massacring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence.. No, we are not interested. "

So God went to the Africans and said, " I have Commandments. "

The Africans wanted an example.

God said, "For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother."

The Africans were dismayed. They said, " Father? Yo maan! Can't tell for sure who our fathers are, maan!"

So God went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments. "

The Mexicans wanted an example.

God said, " For example ........... Thou shall not steal."

The Mexicans were flabbergasted. They said, " No steal? No steal?? Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh? Gracias, but no! "

So God went to the French and said, "I have Commandments. "

The French wanted an example.

God said, "For example ............. Thou shall not commit adultery."

The French were stunned. They said, "What? Not commit ze adultery ....... ? Non, non, non. Non Monsieur. Pardonnez nous. We, ze French, must have ze romance. "

So God went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments. ... "

The Jews asked, "Commandments? How much do they cost?"

God replied, "Nothing. They are free."

The Jews answered, "Good. We shall take Ten! "


  1. Moses came down from the mountain after conversing wot the Almighty.
    "What happened up there?" cried the people.
    "God gave us twenty commandments."
    " But Moses, there's only ten here!" shouted the crowd.
    And Moses said "These stone tablets are heavy you know!"

  2. I bet the number of rioting Jews over these jokes are probably in the region of zero.

    1. Ah yes, but what about all the riots and killing and burning of flags and buildings that ensued in the Christian communities when "Life of Brian" was released.

      Oh, no, wait a minute...

    2. Nisakiman, I think there was a bit of Christian placard waving but that ws it. Oh and a couple of Jews got mildly but non lethally annoyed by the use of a Jewish prayer shawl (Tallit) in the stoning scene. Nobody died over Life of Brian.

    3. Yes, true, but I seem to remember that the Archbishop of Canterbury wrote a very stern letter to the Times.

  3. I'm off to burn the French Embassy to express my dismay at their publishing rude pictures of our Queen-in-waiting.

  4. I briefly saw those pictures of the Duchess of Cambridge and it reminded me that I really fancied a couple of fried eggs on toast.


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