Google analytics

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

A view from the smoking underclass


In days gone by when 50% of the population smoked, smokers were accepted in real society. No-one complained with a wave of their hand in front of their nostrils about the evils of smoking. In fact every home had a surfeit of ashtrays, even if they didn’t smoke themselves. Some homes even had a miraculous globe that when pushed, opened up and displayed a plethora of cigarettes. Smoking was as normal as the air we breath. There was no prejudice against smokers. We were people that had a habit that was innocuous but smelt differently.

Fast forward forty years.

We are now the new pariahs.

When the new puritans  found that the populace ignored their false prophecies, that decreed all smokers will die a horrible death, they had to come up with something else.

Second hand smoke. Therefore:

No smoking on aeroplanes. The airlines loved that. Layoff the cleaning staff and reduce the filtration systems

No smoking on trains. More staff cuts.

No smoking in public places. Bansturbators’ heaven.

(Pity the pubs are all closing due to the fact that I and other smokers find the whole experience now, of having to furtively sidle out to a sham smoking shelter, too much to stand for.)

Now they are trying to prevent us from smoking in our own property.

That will be a bridge to far.

Firstly they have tried to introduce a bill to prevent smoking in their own property, our cars. From Hansard

smoking in private vehicles bill

Motion made, That the Bill be now read a Second time.

Hon. Members: Object.

Bill to be read a Second time on Friday 20 January 2012.

This is of course a trial bill, all in the name of “Think of the Cheeeldren”, just to see how far they can push.

If they win that round, then the next step is your home.

I’m not sure how they will enforce it though? Will we be compelled to fit nicotine detection alarms linked to a central control room. Or will they recruit a division of state sponsored curtain twitchers with the power to force entry with immediate powers of arrest?

In that case I shall cast out the scrounging cats and buy the largest, most vicious dog I can find. Then let them try, if they dare. 

And of course it won’t end there. You real ale drinkers and those of a drinking persuasion are in the firing line.

Of course DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE HAVE A DRINK WITH YOUR MEAL. Alcohol bansturbators consider you a scourge on the face of humanity.

Oh and if you are not eating your “Five a day”, (Another made up healthy living twatification), you’re next. Oh and for christ’s sake don’t you dare add salt to your food. That really condemns you to the ninth circle of hell.

You have been warned. You’re next. 

Comments on this post from smokers and antismokers are welcome.

This is an equality website.

*is it?*


  1. Ancient + Tattered Airman30 November 2011 at 23:38

    I fully intend to keep smoking and heaven help anybody who tries to stop me.

  2. As with speed bumps they will enforce this upon dwellers of Social Housing first followed by those in privately rented homes, all for their own good of course.

    As for cars, it has been illegal to smoke in any motor vehicle in the Channel Isles for some years.

  3. From personal experience... it is not unusual for there to be a ban on smoking in privately let properties... pets who smoke are a definite no no...

  4. I agree fully with the Ancient & Tattered Airman ..

    The answer has to be Brussels Sprouts, Baked Beans, Savoy Cabbage, Cauliflower, Corned Beef, Real Ales & Curries .. lots of 'em ..

    Lets see them try to ban farting in a public place .. With a little dedication , one could clear a shop, restaurant or pub in no time flat .. ;)

  5. CH, that's a good idea. All my favourites (you forgot the Jerusalem Artichokes - gassier than anything else). Only not in my local, I'd hate to be banned for farting, how would I live that down?


Say what you like. I try to reply. Comments are not moderated. The author of this blog is not liable for any defamatory or illegal comments.