New album out

H/T to Dave Wheeler

Brilliant

 

The Huh who spoilt Christmas by Fenbeagle.

Backs against the wall.

Just change the name in the lyrics from Hitler to Merkel.

Two different takes on the same story

Firstly we have an article on line at that Impartial news monger. The BBC. Note the scary headline.

IPCC: Climate impact risk set to increase

 

The risk from extreme weather events is likely to increase if the world continues to warm, say scientists.

A report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change said it was "very likely" that emissions had led to an increase in daily maximum temperatures.

It added that emissions had also led some regions experiencing longer and more intense droughts.

The findings of the Special Report were presented at the IPCC's 34th Session, which is being held in Kampala, Uganda.

The details were outlined during a media briefing by the co-chairmen overseeing the compilation of two of the three segments of next IPCC assessment report

Compare with what was really said:

The IPCC report says:

“Projected changes in climate extremes under different emissions scenarios generally do not strongly diverge in the coming two to three decades, but these signals are relatively small compared to natural climate variability over this time frame. Even the sign of projected changes in some climate extremes over this time frame is uncertain”

SOURCE

It was also touted out on the six O’clock news tonight. That was even worse. According to the presenter we are doomed to fire, pestilence. flood, and genital Herpes.

*Ok . I made the last one up.

They must have very high curbs in the USA

 

Grand parents in the digital age.

I’m setting this up as we speak.

Good morning . . . At present we are not at home but,please Leave your message after you hear the beep.

beeeeeppp ....

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home,

press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money,press 9 (Ed. No. You’ve had enough of that already)

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theatre,start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?

(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them… They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have a snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM! (Ed. That’s me)

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog. ( No dog, but I can blame the cats).

Doctor’s advice heeded here

 

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum,u blody luvum.!! Xxx

Hic!

Unbelievable

A week or so ago I wrote this letter to my NHS Primary Care Trust. Reproduced below is the reply I received on why my notes were not at my surgery and why I had been de-registered from the practice.

Note the reason quoted “Patient works on ships”.

That would mean that if I had chosen to start my career in 2004, by my simple maths, and allowing for 40 years of service. I would have to have registered with the practice 80 times.

Unbelievable.

UPDATE:

I received this.

Dear Mr Filthy Engineer

Thank you for your e mail regarding the removal of your name from your doctor’s list.

As you will appreciate, our Agency has no option but to comply with the NHS Regulations in the case of patients who are not resident in the UK. 

However, you may wish to contact the NHS West Kent Primary Care Trust’s Customer Service department on 0800 0 850 850 if you wish to discuss your concerns with a member of the helpline staff.  If you prefer you can e mail them at customerservices@wkpct.nhs.uk

Kind regards

Sylvia May

My reply.

Dear Sylvia,

I thank you for your reply. On that basis I should be able to reclaim my NIC's from 2004 onwards if I was deemed to be non resident in the UK by yourselves.

Regards
The Filthy Engineer

Second hand smoke will not kill you. By an anti smoker.

It’s nice to see reason prevail. I’m too used to a hate environment promulgated by the likes of ASH with their denormalisation  agenda. I suppose some sanctimonious twat will try to ban smoking in cars next. Jeeez, they have thought of that.

Three Bears

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.

He looks into his small bowl It is empty.

'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.

He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.

'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,

'For God's sake, how many times do I have  to go through this with you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.

It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.

It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants.

It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence,
listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....

'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET.