Global warming?

This video was shown back in 1990. No-one listened then either.

Watching paint dry. Oops my mistake!

I just hate women. Especially my wife at the moment.

"Can you paint the new fence at the bottom of the garden?"

Off I go down to B&Q and spend 30 mins looking at all the fence paints, of all colours, textures and manufacturers. (maybe we can hold a fence painting olympics).

Anyway I choose Antique pine silk, and rush home to begin this labour of love.

3 hours later I have finished. (It's a long fence at chateau filthy engineer)

The question I'm asking is: Why did she wait till after I'd finished, to tell me she wasn't happy with the colour?

Some pearls of wisdom for today

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just bugger off and leave me alone.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

• It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

• Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

• No one is listening until you fart.

• Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.

• It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

• If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

• Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.

• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

• If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

• If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

• Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windscreen.

• Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.

• Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

• A closed mouth gathers no foot.

• Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

• There are two theories about how to argue with a woman. Neither works.

• Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

That's enough of the hiliarity for today.

I'm a fattist as well

I've just been reading an article in the Mail and cannot believe the excuses that the overweight peeps in the article used to justify their condition.

'I can't help it', 'I get it from my mother', 'I've got the fat gene', 'you're being cruel', 'what if it was your own family'.

'The Government doesn't do enough,'

'There's nothing for kids to do, that's why they eat all the time,' says Kayleigh. 'We need help. I can't afford to go to something like WeightWatchers. They charge you £1 just to get weighed. A pound is a lot of money to me.'

It's the downright denial of their condition that worries me, and the attitude that it must be someone else's fault. Someone should tell them in no certain terms that it's their life and they, and only they, are responsible for it.

Maybe they should tax meat pies in the same way as cigarettes? It certainly seems they are overstretching the NHS more than smokers do. (Pun not intended)

The full story is here Fat central

Wanker of the Week

Julia M over at Ambush Predator says it all. I would hope the regulars would support our soldiers and Boycott this place. I certainly would.

You can read the story in the Mail

Jeremy in the Poo again

Jeremy Clarkson has been admonished by the BBC again. Apparently scores of viewers complained about the recently aired programme.

Scores of angry viewers complained to the BBC, media regulator Ofcom and on online message boards after it was shown on Sunday night's Top Gear show, watched by 6.7million.

The spoof advert, for the Volkswagen Scirocco TDI, contained a clip of people in Warsaw panicking and rushing to board trains and buses to escape the city.




http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1204253/Jeremy-Clarkson-upsets-Germans-sparks-complaints-Polish-World-War-II-joke.html


Well to me "SCORES" of viewers complaining out of 6.7 million who watched it, is a minute number of complainants. Say it was four score that complained, then the percentage would be so miniscule as to be irrelevent. Who are these people that have absolutely no sense of humour and do not see that it was supposed to be a lighthearted piece of tomfoolery?

The Stazi would be proud

Another jumped up little Hitler trying to show who's the boss.



Will they start arresting commuters, running for their trains next?
Completely over the top.

Back to the Fray

I'm now back to the Uk for the forseeable future and intend to do as much damage to the labour party as I possibly can in my limited capacity. Please bear with me while I re-adjust to the political system prevailing at the moment.

Retirement. The options

Give me a hand here folks, should I choose option 1 or option 2? I'm still fit, a qualified Marine Engineer, computer literate, and a really nice person to know. (I might be stretching the last bit a little.)

(1) Retirement is the point where a person stops employment completely.

(2) A person may also semi-retire and keep some sort of retirement job, out of choice rather than necessity. This usually happens upon reaching a determined age, when physical conditions don't allow the person to work any more (by illness or accident), or even for personal choice (usually in the presence of an adequate pension or personal savings). The retirement with a pension is considered a right of the worker in many societies, and hard ideological, social, cultural and political battles have been fought over whether this is a right. In many western countries this right is mentioned in national constitutions.

To be honest, I haven't a clue what to do with the rest of my life. I was brought up with the work ethic and have followed it for 44 years, so to stop now will be like losing a loved one.
On the other hand should I make use of the time to spend my life getting pissed every day in the pub, and run the risk of the pub closing down as I drive the other customers away with my boring sea stories.

The decision is yours!

Security check!

I've just arrived back home from my 4 months at sea and shortly will reach my retirement date.

Naturally there was a great stack of unopened mail waiting for me, one of which was a large imposing brown envelope. Some twat considers me due to be re-vetted for security purposes. The form is 21 pages long and has such wonderful questions such as Q15 which asks the following:

Q. Have you ever been involved in?:

a. Espionage
b. terrorism
c. sabotage
d. Actions intended to overthrow or undermine parliamentary democracy by political, industrial or violent means.

They must be stupid to think that anyone is going to say yes to any of those.

Further more there is a section on where my mother has lived all her life. I'll need a Ouija board for that one, she died three years ago.

This comes from the "Developed Vetting Agency". What were they before, "The undeveloped Vetting Agency"?

Bloody Tossers. Into the shredder it goes.