1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.*
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15.Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in big print for your convenience.
* Actually I do.
"You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge."
ReplyDeleteNo, you just drive at 40 mph everywhere ;-)
Reaching sixty automatically gives you licence to pay for everything to the exact amount with small change, and the longer the queue behind you, the better.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you're 60 or so, you probably did maths at school before the rot set in. As a result you will have already worked out what the bill comes to before reaching the till!
ReplyDeleteThat really confuses the teenagers sitting there, scanning items into the system...
Heh! Guilty. A few have even asked me how I do it...
ReplyDeleteAnd all doctors, policemen and managers have become young whipper snappers.
ReplyDeleteYou become invisible to many shop assistants. But you can make the kind of fuss that you wouldn't have done fourty years ago.
I'd worry about the fact that my love life has actually improved now if I wasn't enjoying it so much!
ReplyDeleteI suspect it's something to do with being one of the rapidly shrinking pool of men who remain independently ambulatory, continent, vaguely compis mentis (I did say vaguely!), and who can still get down on one knee (I meant in a 'romantic proposal' kind of way you smut merchants, one track minds some people, and yours have been derailed!).
If I didn't have more hair in my ears and up my nose than on my head I'd be happy! Well that and being able to sit down without associated sound effects (and no I didn't mean THAT! That was the dog, honest)